Harold Ramis credited as playing...
Dr. Egon Spengler
- Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
- Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?
- Ray: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.
- Peter Venkman: Ouch.
- Winston: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
- Egon: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
- Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
- Ray: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."
- Louis Tully: Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.
- [the courtroom is in bewildered silence]
- Egon: Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.
- Peter Venkman: [to Egon] Who told you to stop cutting? Somebody tell you to stop cutting?
- First Cop: What are you guys doing here?
- Peter Venkman: [to First Cop] You tell him to stop cutting?
- First Cop: Yes, I told him to stop cutting. What are you doing?
- Peter Venkman: What's it look like we're doing here? Why don't you let us work? We let you work.
- Ray: [to Peter] Hey, take it easy.
- [to First Cop]
- Ray: He's been working overtime. I'll tell you why we're here. We're here because some diaper bag downtown's being a jerk and making us work on a Friday night. Am I right, Peter?
- Peter Venkman: Of course you're right, Raymond.
- [to Egon]
- Peter Venkman: Is he right, Ziggy?
- Egon: [pause] Yo!
- Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
- Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.
- Peter Venkman: [as the Mayor walks in]
- [Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]
- Peter Venkman: Lenny. Big man.
- The Mayor: The Ghostbusters.
- Winston: Mr. Mayor?
- [Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]
- The Mayor: What is this? A slumber party?
- Ray: Well, that's why we wanted to see you.
- The Mayor: Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got two minutes. Make it good.
- Ray: [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that almost fifty percent of us voted for you in the last election.
- The Mayor: I appreciate that.
- Peter Venkman: I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.
- Ray: Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proportions is building up beneath the city.
- The Mayor: Psycho-what?
- Egon: Psychomagnatheric.
- Peter Venkman: Big word, big word.
- Egon: Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.
- The Mayor: Can somebody speak English here?
- Winston: Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.
- Hardemeyer: [to the Mayor]
- [aggravated]
- Hardemeyer: This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?
- Peter Venkman: [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?
- [to the Mayor]
- Peter Venkman: Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.
- Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Please.
- Peter Venkman: I beg your pardon, 3 million and *one*.
- Hardemeyer: Hey.
- Ray: And what *fudgy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.
- Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Yeah, right.
- The Mayor: What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?
- [Begins to walk off]
- The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your two minutes are up, good night gentlemen.
- [Egon and Ray are showing Peter and Winston their breakthrough with a slime specimen]
- Egon: Go ahead, Ray!
- Ray: [shouting at the slime] You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob!
- [slime twitches]
- Egon: You're nothing but an unstable short-chained molecule!
- Ray: You foul obnoxious muck!
- [bubbles dangerously with every insult]
- Egon: You have a weak electrochemical bond!
- [starts to bubble over]
- Ray: I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!
- Peter Venkman: This is what you do with your spare time?
- Ray: Two in the box!
- Egon: Ready to go.
- Peter Venkman: We be fast.
- Ray, Egon, Peter Venkman: And they be slow!
- Louis Tully: Wow!
- [the Ghostbusters have been committed to a mental hospital]
- Ray: As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art.
- Psychiatrist: Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them?
- Egon: You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city.
- Psychiatrist: Yes, tell me about the slime.
- Winston: It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it.
- [motions to Peter]
- Winston: And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby.
- Psychiatrist: A bathtub?
- Peter Venkman: [with his head buried in his arms in despair] Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.
- [after failing to break through the ectoplasm surrounding the Museum]
- Egon: That slime mold is pulsing with evil. It would take a tremendous amount of positive energy to crack that shell and I seriously doubt there's enough goodwill left in this town to do it.
- Ray: You know, I just can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. I mean, sure, it's dirty, it's crowded, it's polluted, it's noisy and there's people all around who'd just as soon step on your face as look at you. But come on! There's got to be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out 'burg and we just have to figure out a way to mobilize it.
- Egon: He's right. We need something that everyone in this town can get behind, we need... a symbol!
- Ray: Something that appeals to the best in each and every one of us.
- Egon: Something good.
- Winston: Something decent.
- Peter Venkman: Something pure.
- [They are all looking at the image of the Statue of Liberty on the Ecto-1's license plate]
- [piloting the Statue of Liberty]
- Egon: We're running out of time, Ray, it's almost midnight. Can't you make her go any faster?
- Ray: I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet.
- Egon: I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray.
- Peter Venkman: Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick!
- [Ray has stepped in front of the painting of Vigo, blocking the Ghostbusters' attack]
- Egon: Ray... we'd like to shoot the monster. Could you move, please?
- Peter Venkman: Ray...
- Winston: Ray?
- Egon, Peter Venkman, Winston: RAY!
- [Ray turns around, he is Ray/Vigo]
- Ray: [demonic voice] NO! I, Ray, am Vigo, shall rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men!
- Peter Venkman: Now!
- [they attack]
- Judge Wexler: Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, Egon Spengler,
- [yells]
- Judge Wexler: Stand up! Get up!
- [the Ghostbusters stand up]
- Judge Wexler: You too, Mr. Tully.
- [Louis stands up]
- Judge Wexler: [furious] I find guilty on all charges. I order to pay fines in the amount of $25,000 each...
- [the mood slime burbles; Ray notices it]
- Judge Wexler: ... and I sentence you to 18 months in the City Correctional Facility at Riker's Island.
- Ray: Egie, she's twiching.
- Judge Wexler: [yells] I'M NOT FINISHED!
- [slime continues to boil]
- Judge Wexler: On a more presonal note, let me just go on record as saying that there's no place for fakes, charlatans...
- Egon: Uh, your honor?
- Judge Wexler: [cuts Egon off] Shut up! Or tricksters like you in desent society!
- Peter Venkman: Your honor, this is important.
- Judge Wexler: You play on the gullibility of innocent people!
- Ray: Yes, sir...
- Judge Wexler: Be quiet!
- Ray: But...
- [poits to the bubbling mood slime as it spills over]
- Judge Wexler: [yelling] If my hands weren't tied by the alterable fetters of the law, then I would invoke the tradition of our illustrious forbears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice
- [screaming at the top of his lungs]
- Judge Wexler: and have you BURNED AT THE STAKE!
- [the ghosts of the Scoleri brothers bursts from the slime; the jury members, many vistors and the prosecutor are all frightened]
- Ray: [amazed] Wow!
- Judge Wexler: [shocked and frightened] Oh, my God! The Scoleri Brothers!
- [Wexler leaps from his bench as the ghosts attempt to attack him. He then crawls to Louis and the now-prosecuted Ghostbusters]
- Judge Wexler: [yells] The Scoleri Brothers!
- Ray: Friends of yours?
- Judge Wexler: I've tried them for murder! Gave them the chair!