Bill Murray credited as playing...
Dr. Peter Venkman
- Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
- Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?
- Ray: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.
- Peter Venkman: Ouch.
- Winston: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
- Egon: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
- Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
- Ray: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."
- Prosecutor: So, what you're saying is that the world of the supernatural is your exclusive province?
- Peter Venkman: Kitten, I think what I'm saying, is that sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call?
- [Dana hands Oscar to Peter]
- Dana: It's late, I really ought to put him down.
- Peter Venkman: May I?
- Dana: Yeah, if you want to.
- Peter Venkman: [points in baby's face] You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.
- Peter Venkman: You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a *Carpathian* would come back to life now and choose New York! Tasty pick, bonehead! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you would be living the sweet life out in Southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley!
- Judge Wexler: [in the middle of persecuting the Ghostbusters he was attacked by the ghosts of two murderers he sentenced to the chair] You got to do something! Help me!
- Ray: Don't talk to me; talk to my attorney.
- Louis Tully: And that's me! My guys are still under a judicial mistrangement order... that blue thing I got from her! They could be exposing themselves!
- Peter Venkman: And you don't want us exposing ourselves!
- Prosecutor: Dr. Venkman, would you please tell the court why you and your co-defendants took it upon yourselves to dig a very big hole in the middle of 1st Avenue?
- Peter Venkman: Well, there are so many holes in 1st Avenue, we really didn't think anyone would notice.
- Elaine: According to my source, the end of the world will be on February 14th, in the year two thousand and sixteen.
- Peter Venkman: Valentine's Day. Bummer. Where'd you get your date, Elaine?
- Elaine: I received this information from an alien. As I told my husband, it was in the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink at the bar, alone, and this alien approached me. He started talking to me. He bought me a drink, and then I think he must have used some kind of a ray or a mind control device because he forced me to follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world.
- Peter Venkman: So your alien had a room at the Holiday Inn, Paramus?
- Elaine: It might have been a room on the spacecraft made up to look like a room at the Holiday Inn. I can't be sure about that, Peter.
- Dana: Okay, but after dinner, don't put any of those old cheap moves on me. It's different now.
- Peter Venkman: Oh, no! I have all NEW cheap moves.
- Peter Venkman: [to Egon] Who told you to stop cutting? Somebody tell you to stop cutting?
- First Cop: What are you guys doing here?
- Peter Venkman: [to First Cop] You tell him to stop cutting?
- First Cop: Yes, I told him to stop cutting. What are you doing?
- Peter Venkman: What's it look like we're doing here? Why don't you let us work? We let you work.
- Ray: [to Peter] Hey, take it easy.
- [to First Cop]
- Ray: He's been working overtime. I'll tell you why we're here. We're here because some diaper bag downtown's being a jerk and making us work on a Friday night. Am I right, Peter?
- Peter Venkman: Of course you're right, Raymond.
- [to Egon]
- Peter Venkman: Is he right, Ziggy?
- Egon: [pause] Yo!
- [the Mayor's assistant has just been rude to Dr. Peter Venkman]
- Peter Venkman: You know, I'm a voter. Aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?
- Ray: It looks like a giant Jell-O mold.
- Winston: I hate Jell-O.
- Peter Venkman: Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O!
- Peter Venkman: [to Dana] Well you're probably feeling what Vigo's feeling: "Carpathian Kitten Loss." He misses his kitty! Well, we'll just place one in here right by the castle.
- [Peter grabs a brush and moves towards the Vigo painting]
- Janosz: [Trying to stop Peter] Don't go 'round altering valuable art, Dr. Venkman... go... yes, I think, go... the joyfulness is over!
- Dana: [to Janosz] He's kidding.
- Peter Venkman: Well, you're not gonna get a green card with that attitude, pal!
- Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
- Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.
- [at the Statue of Liberty]
- Peter Venkman: Hey, how many of you people out here are a national monument? Raise your hand, please? Oh, hello, Miss!
- Peter Venkman: [as the Mayor walks in]
- [Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]
- Peter Venkman: Lenny. Big man.
- The Mayor: The Ghostbusters.
- Winston: Mr. Mayor?
- [Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]
- The Mayor: What is this? A slumber party?
- Ray: Well, that's why we wanted to see you.
- The Mayor: Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got two minutes. Make it good.
- Ray: [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that almost fifty percent of us voted for you in the last election.
- The Mayor: I appreciate that.
- Peter Venkman: I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.
- Ray: Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proportions is building up beneath the city.
- The Mayor: Psycho-what?
- Egon: Psychomagnatheric.
- Peter Venkman: Big word, big word.
- Egon: Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.
- The Mayor: Can somebody speak English here?
- Winston: Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.
- Hardemeyer: [to the Mayor]
- [aggravated]
- Hardemeyer: This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?
- Peter Venkman: [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?
- [to the Mayor]
- Peter Venkman: Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.
- Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Please.
- Peter Venkman: I beg your pardon, 3 million and *one*.
- Hardemeyer: Hey.
- Ray: And what *fudgy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.
- Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Yeah, right.
- The Mayor: What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?
- [Begins to walk off]
- The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your two minutes are up, good night gentlemen.
- [At the foot of the Statue of Liberty]
- Peter Venkman: Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?
- Winston: Wonder what?
- Peter Venkman: Whether she's naked under that toga. She *is* French. You know that.
- Peter Venkman: See you next week on "World of the Psychic." Until then, this is Peter Venkman, saying...
- [points to his forehead and stares at the camera for a long beat]
- Peter Venkman: Ha ha! See you then.
- [Egon and Ray are showing Peter and Winston their breakthrough with a slime specimen]
- Egon: Go ahead, Ray!
- Ray: [shouting at the slime] You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob!
- [slime twitches]
- Egon: You're nothing but an unstable short-chained molecule!
- Ray: You foul obnoxious muck!
- [bubbles dangerously with every insult]
- Egon: You have a weak electrochemical bond!
- [starts to bubble over]
- Ray: I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!
- Peter Venkman: This is what you do with your spare time?