Shawn Harrison credited as playing...
Waldo Geraldo Faldo • Guy in Towel
- Steve Urkel: The woman's been flirting with me.
- Waldo: She has?
- Steve Urkel: Oh yeah, just last week, she actually telephoned me in the middle of the night.
- Eddie: Steve, your house was on fire!
- Judge Vance: All right, young man, call your first witness.
- Steve Urkel: Your Honor, I would like to call Waldo Faldo!
- Waldo: Okay, but I'm not home.
- Steve Urkel: Have you ever had a date?
- Waldo: I got close once. I almost went to the movies with Vicky Vanderfanny.
- Steve Urkel: You mean Hickey Vicky?
- Waldo: Yeah, but I was so nervous when I asked her out that before she could answer, I barfed all over her shoes.
- [Waldo is being cross-examined in court]
- Steve Urkel: State your name.
- Waldo: Illinois.
- Steve Urkel: No... state your name... not name your state.
- Waldo: Oh, Waldo Faldo... from Illinois.
- Steve Urkel: [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo?
- Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. When I was with him, I felt... I felt...
- [Rolls up his sleeve and begins reading]
- Waldo: ... I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere.
- Steve Urkel: [panicked] ... um... perhaps you mean "biosphere"?
- Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Cool.
- Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. I'm finished with this witness, your honor!
- Laura: Wait a second. Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm?
- Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say.
- Waldo: See anything you like?
- Steve Urkel: How much is that one?
- Waldo: Forty bucks.
- Steve Urkel: I'll give ya thirty.
- Waldo: Twenty-five!
- Steve Urkel: Twenty!
- Waldo: Fifteen and that's as high as I'm going.
- Steve Urkel: Sold!
- Waldo: Sucker.
- Waldo: What are you doing, Willie?
- Willie Fuffner: I'm gonna get Urkel!
- Waldo: But, why ya gonna do that, Willie?
- Willie Fuffner: Because, he humiliated me!
- Waldo: But, you humiliate me every day.
- Willie Fuffner: [sigh] That's different. You're my friend.
- Waldo: Oh yeah.
- Waldo: You guys think you can walk all over me because I'm dumb. But I have feelings, too. If you cut me, do I not cough? If you hit me, do I not sneeze? And if you call me names, do I not eat?
- [to Steve]
- Alex Phillips: How 'bout you put your money where your mouth is.
- Waldo: Don't do it, Urkel! Money has germs on it.
- Steve Urkel: Have you guys seen Laura?
- Eddie: Nope.
- Waldo: Sure you have. Pretty girl, dark hair... your sister for God's sake!
- Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today.
- Waldo: Ohh... Cool.
- Ms. Steuben: Waldo! What a turkey!
- Waldo: Hey, you don't have to like my cookin', but, please, don't call me names!