Reginald VelJohnson credited as playing...
Carl Winslow • Big Daddy Urkel
- Carl: Go home, Steve.
- Steve Urkel: But Carl...
- Carl: Go home, Steve!
- Steve Urkel: Now, Big Guy...
- Carl: Go home! Go home! Go home!
- Steve Urkel: I don't have to take this! I'm going home!
- Carl: [after kicking Steve out of the house] And don't you ever come back!
- Steve Urkel: What did you say?
- Carl: Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back.
- Steve Urkel: I will not be bullied! I love this lady
- [Laura]
- Steve Urkel: and I can come over here anytime I want to and you... can't... stop... me!
- [someone has just smashed into Lt. Murtaugh's classic car]
- Lt.Murtaugh: Do you know that woman Winslow?
- Carl: Yes, I do. Hi mom!
- Estelle Winslow: Carl! Carl, someone parked their own piece of junk in our driveway.
- [after having stepped on Steve's bug]
- Carl: Who is Pablo?
- Steve Urkel: [Pointing to the floor] Him. And him. And... OOHHH, and him!
- Carl: What's up?
- Steve Urkel: Well, actually, this is Eddie's story. All you'll hear from me is an occasional, 'Mmmhmm, that's right.'
- Eddie: That's enough, Steve.
- Steve Urkel: Mmmhmm, that's right.
- Steve Urkel: I've invented nuclear batteries.
- Carl: Where did you get the plutonium?
- Steve Urkel: Radio Shack.
- Carl: I just had the worst day of my entire life. I was in a high-speed car chase and ran out of gas.
- [Making lemon tarts]
- Carl: Rachel, you're putting entirely too much filling in those.
- Rachel Crawford: I'm what?
- [Turns and squirts filling on Carl's shirt]
- Carl: You shot your bag at me!
- Eddie: [while Eddie and Carl where doing wiring for the satelite dish] Be Careful with those wires Dad. You don't want to get fried.
- Carl: Son, I am no neophyte when it comes to electronics. This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in.
- Steve Urkel: [Steve picks up the cord to the satelite dish] Sloppy, Sloppy, Sloppy!
- [plugs the cord into the socket]
- Carl, Eddie: [after Carl gets shocked from the electrical current] STEVE!
- Carl: I needed a good laugh.
- Steve Urkel: You know, every time you laugh you burn off three and a half calories?
- Carl: Maybe I should laugh a little bit more, huh?
- Carl: There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him.
- Harriette: Well, tell him you don't remember him.
- Carl: I can't tell him I don't remember him! Because, I already told him I do remember him. So, if I tell him I don't remember him, I'll look like a jerk and I still won't remember him.
- Harriette: Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk.
- Carl: Uh-oh. That's Lt. Murtaugh. This could be an emergency and I'm not even dressed yet!
- [runs upstairs]
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl hasn't moved that fast since he chased a doughnut down hill.
- [looking through a vacation pamphlet]
- Eddie: Look at those beaches.
- Laura: Look a those sunsets.
- Rachel Crawford: Look at those men.
- Carl: Look at that buffet.
- Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity.
- Carl: Steve, you've always been chaste.
- Steve Urkel: Yeah, but now I have an excuse.