Dick Van Patten: King Roland

Spaceballs

King Roland

[King Roland has given in to Dark Helmet's threats, and is telling him the combination to the "air shield"]
Roland: One.
Dark Helmet: One.
Colonel Sandurz: One.
Roland: Two.
Dark Helmet: Two.
Colonel Sandurz: Two.
Roland: Three.
Dark Helmet: Three.
Colonel Sandurz: Three.
Roland: Four.
Dark Helmet: Four.
Colonel Sandurz: Four.
Roland: Five.
Dark Helmet: Five.
Colonel Sandurz: Five.
Dark Helmet: So the combination is... one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

Minister: Excuse me! I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love, so please be quiet!
Princess Vespa: I'm sorry!
King Roland: I'm sorry
Prince Valium: I'm sorry too.
Minister: Don't be sorry, be quiet!
Princess Vespa, King Roland, Prince Valium: I'm sorry!

King Roland: Are you all right, my dear? You look a little... flighty.
Princess Vespa: Don't worry about me, Father. I'm completely over him. Huh! Didn't even stay for the wedding. Just grabbed his million space bucks and ran.
King Roland: He didn't take the million.
Princess Vespa: He didn't?
King Roland: No. He just took 248 space bucks for lunch, gas, and tolls.

King Roland: [requesting Lone Starr's help to rescue Vespa] You're the only ones that can save her! I'll give you anything! Did you hear me? Anything.
Barf: Anything?
King Roland: Yes, anything!
Lone Starr: Okay. We'll do it for... a million.
King Roland: A million?
Barf: [preparing to toggle the video feed] Oh, you're starting to fade here. We're losing picture, Your Highness.
King Roland: All right, all right, I'll pay it. Only find her, save her.
Lone Starr: All right, King. You just made a deal.
Barf: One princess for one million space bucks.
Lone Starr: What's she driving?
King Roland: A brand-new white Mercedes, 2001 S.E.L. Limited Edition. Moon roof, all-leather interior. I got it at a very good price. I paid cash. My cousin, Prince Murray, has a dealership in the valley. He was very nice to me.
Lone Starr: We get the idea. Where was she last seen?
King Roland: She was just passing Jupiter 2.
Lone Starr: We'll find her.
King Roland: Please bring her back safely. And if it's at all possible, try to save the car.

King Roland: Helmet, you fiend! What's going on? What are you doing to my daughter?
Dark Helmet: Permit me to introduce the brilliant young plastic surgeon, Dr. Phillip Schlotkin. The greatest nose job man in the entire universe and Beverly Hills.
Dr. Schlotkin: [bowing] Your Highness.
King Roland: Nose job? I don't understand. She's already had a nose job. It was her was her sweet-16 present.
Dark Helmet: No, it's not what you think. It's much, much worse. If you do not give me the combination to the air shield, Dr. Schlotkin will give your daughter back...
[holding up a blown-up picture]
Dark Helmet: ...her old nose!
Princess Vespa: NOOOO! Where did you get that?
King Roland: All right, I'll tell! I'll tell!
Princess Vespa: No, Daddy, no, you mustn't!
King Roland: You're right, my dear. I'll miss your new nose. But I will not tell him the combination, no matter what.
Dark Helmet: Very well. Dr. Schlotkin, do your worst.
Dr. Schlotkin: [scraping his blades together] My pleasure.

King Roland: Oh, Vespa, my darling. I thought I'd never see you again. Oh, my sweet little daughter. I'm so happy that you're home and safe. And, little Vespa, here's someone else who's happy to see you.
[an aide nudges the sleeping Prince Valium awake]
Prince Valium: [yawning] Oh, hello. Where have you been?

Princess Vespa: Ha, didn't even stay for the wedding. Just took his million spacebucks and ran.
King Roland: He didn't take the million...