Daphne Zuniga credited as playing...
Princess Vespa
- Dot Matrix: How far did he get? What did he touch? What did he touch?
- Princess Vespa: Nothing happened.
- Lone Starr: What the hell was that noise?
- Dot Matrix: *That* was my Virgin Alarm. lt's programmed to go off before you do.
- Lone Starr: Who hasn't heard of Yogurt!
- Princess Vespa: Yogurt the Wise!
- Dot Matrix: Yogurt the All-Powerful!
- Barf: Yogurt the Magnificent!
- Yogurt: Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.
- Minister: Do you?
- Lone Starr: Yes
- Minister: Do you?
- Princess Vespa: Yes
- Minister: GOOD, you're married. KISS HER!
- [Princess Vespa has been given a gun]
- Princess Vespa: I ain't shooting this thing, I hate guns.
- [her hair gets singed by a laser]
- Princess Vespa: My hair, he shot my hair. Son of a bitch!
- [begins blasting]
- [as they are trekking through the desert]
- Lone Starr: Water. Water.
- Barf: [Barf is panting with his tongue hanging out]
- Dot Matrix: Oil. Oil.
- Princess Vespa: Room service. Room service.
- Princess Vespa: Now listen you...
- Lone Starr: You listen. On this ship, you're to refer to me as 'idiot', not 'you captain'. I mean, you know what I mean.
- Princess Vespa: And you will not call me 'you'. You will never address me as 'you'. You will call me 'your royal highness'.
- Lone Starr: You are royal pain in the...
- Barf: Whoa, hold it, time.
- Minister: Excuse me! I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love, so please be quiet!
- Princess Vespa: I'm sorry!
- King Roland: I'm sorry
- Prince Valium: I'm sorry too.
- Minister: Don't be sorry, be quiet!
- Princess Vespa, King Roland, Prince Valium: I'm sorry!
- Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
- Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
- Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
- Princess Vespa: [the quartet enters Yogurt's lair]
- Princess Vespa: What is this place?
- Barf: It looks like the Temple of Doom.
- Dot Matrix: Well it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.
- Barf: (reacting to the guards being shot by Princess Vespa) HOLY SHIT!
- Princess Vespa: How was that?
- Lone Starr: Not bad.
- Barf: Not bad... for a girl.
- Dot Matrix: Hey that was pretty good for RAMBO!
- Lone Starr: Called me an idiot! I'm going back there and explain a few things to her.
- Dot Matrix: Besides he got a sexy voice. He might be cute.
- Barf: Wait. You haven't seen what she looks like.
- Lone Starr: I know what she looks like. You've seen one princess, you've seen them all.
- Princess Vespa: Cute? I know these space bums, they're all alike. Fat, ugly...
- Lone Starr: Buck-toothed, knock-kneed...
- Princess Vespa: Beer-swilling pigs!
- Lone Starr: Horse-faced space dogs!
- Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows...
- Lone Starr: It's coming from there.
- Barf: That can't be her.
- [Lone Starr and Barf walk toward the cell that the singing is coming from]
- Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] ... the trouble I've seen...
- [Lone Starr opens eye slot in jail cell door and sees Princess Vespa singing]
- Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows but Jesus.
- Lone Starr: It's her.
- Princess Vespa: [Barf looks in - Princess Vespa still singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
- Barf: She's a bass.
- Dot Matrix: I was saying; Do you realize what you've done?
- Princess Vespa: Yes, and I'm glad. Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad.
- Dot Matrix: I wonder if she's glad.
- Princess Vespa: I really must go back. I shouldn't have run away. I realize now that love is one luxury a princess cannot afford.
- Lone Starr: You're probably right.
- Princess Vespa: I know now that I must learn to live without love.
- Lone Starr: I guess so.
- Princess Vespa: Besides, love isn't that important.
- Lone Starr: Nah... It never was!
- Princess Vespa: I could be perfectly happy the rest of my life without...
- [turns and looks into Lone Starr's eyes, pauses]
- Princess Vespa: love.
- Lone Starr: Sure you could.
- Princess Vespa: Without physical contact.
- Lone Starr: Yeah.
- Princess Vespa: Without being held.
- Lone Starr: Yeah.
- Princess Vespa: Or kissed...
- [they go to kiss, but right before they make contact, Dot Matrix's "Virgin Alarm" goes off]
- Princess Vespa: [looking up at the night sky] Which one's yours?
- Lone Starr: Who knows?
- Princess Vespa: You don't know where you're from?
- Lone Starr: Not really. I was found on the doorstep of a monastery.
- Princess Vespa: A monastery? Where?
- Lone Starr: Somewhere in the Ford Galaxy.
- Dot Matrix: [Mega Maid is sucking the air away from Druidia] What'll we do?
- Lone Starr: We've got to act fast. Step one, we reverse the vacuum and blow the air back onto the planet. Step two, we destroy that thing.
- Princess Vespa: But isn't that dangerous?
- Lone Starr: Extremely. Plus, I don't know how the hell we're gonna do it!
- King Roland: Are you all right, my dear? You look a little... flighty.
- Princess Vespa: Don't worry about me, Father. I'm completely over him. Huh! Didn't even stay for the wedding. Just grabbed his million space bucks and ran.
- King Roland: He didn't take the million.
- Princess Vespa: He didn't?
- King Roland: No. He just took 248 space bucks for lunch, gas, and tolls.
- Lone Starr: Now, hear this: the minute we get out of here, the first thing we do is dump the matched luggage.
- Dot Matrix: What was that?
- Princess Vespa: Now, you hear this, whoever you are. You will not *touch* that luggage. And furthermore, I want this pigsty cleaned up. I will not be rescued in such filth!
- Lone Starr: Listen. On this ship, I don't take orders, I give 'em. This is my dreamboat, sweetheart.
- Princess Vespa: [insulted] Sweetheart?
- Dot Matrix: Uh-oh.