Joan Rivers credited as playing...
Dot Matrix
- Dot Matrix: How far did he get? What did he touch? What did he touch?
- Princess Vespa: Nothing happened.
- Lone Starr: What the hell was that noise?
- Dot Matrix: *That* was my Virgin Alarm. lt's programmed to go off before you do.
- Lone Starr: Who hasn't heard of Yogurt!
- Princess Vespa: Yogurt the Wise!
- Dot Matrix: Yogurt the All-Powerful!
- Barf: Yogurt the Magnificent!
- Yogurt: Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.
- [as they are trekking through the desert]
- Lone Starr: Water. Water.
- Barf: [Barf is panting with his tongue hanging out]
- Dot Matrix: Oil. Oil.
- Princess Vespa: Room service. Room service.
- [last lines]
- Dot Matrix: [seeing Lone Starr and Princess Vespa kiss at their wedding] Well, goodbye virgin alarm.
- Dot Matrix: Can we talk? OK, we all know Prince Valium is a pill. But you could have married him for your father's sake and had a headache for the next 25 years.
- Princess Vespa: [the quartet enters Yogurt's lair]
- Princess Vespa: What is this place?
- Barf: It looks like the Temple of Doom.
- Dot Matrix: Well it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.
- Barf: (reacting to the guards being shot by Princess Vespa) HOLY SHIT!
- Princess Vespa: How was that?
- Lone Starr: Not bad.
- Barf: Not bad... for a girl.
- Dot Matrix: Hey that was pretty good for RAMBO!
- Lone Starr: Called me an idiot! I'm going back there and explain a few things to her.
- Dot Matrix: Besides he got a sexy voice. He might be cute.
- Barf: Wait. You haven't seen what she looks like.
- Lone Starr: I know what she looks like. You've seen one princess, you've seen them all.
- Princess Vespa: Cute? I know these space bums, they're all alike. Fat, ugly...
- Lone Starr: Buck-toothed, knock-kneed...
- Princess Vespa: Beer-swilling pigs!
- Lone Starr: Horse-faced space dogs!
- Dot Matrix: I was saying; Do you realize what you've done?
- Princess Vespa: Yes, and I'm glad. Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad.
- Dot Matrix: I wonder if she's glad.
- Dot Matrix: [Mega Maid is sucking the air away from Druidia] What'll we do?
- Lone Starr: We've got to act fast. Step one, we reverse the vacuum and blow the air back onto the planet. Step two, we destroy that thing.
- Princess Vespa: But isn't that dangerous?
- Lone Starr: Extremely. Plus, I don't know how the hell we're gonna do it!
- Lone Starr: Now, hear this: the minute we get out of here, the first thing we do is dump the matched luggage.
- Dot Matrix: What was that?
- Princess Vespa: Now, you hear this, whoever you are. You will not *touch* that luggage. And furthermore, I want this pigsty cleaned up. I will not be rescued in such filth!
- Lone Starr: Listen. On this ship, I don't take orders, I give 'em. This is my dreamboat, sweetheart.
- Princess Vespa: [insulted] Sweetheart?
- Dot Matrix: Uh-oh.
- Princess Vespa: What's going on?
- Dot Matrix: It's either the 4th of July, or someone's trying to kill us!