Barnard Hughes credited as playing...
Grandpa
- [last lines]
- Grandpa: One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires.
- Sam Emerson: Wait, wait. You *have* a TV?
- Grandpa: No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV.
- Grandpa: [the boys come in carrying Laddie and Star, who are sleeping. Grandpa is totally ignoring the unconscious Laddie in Edgar's arms, and Star in Michael's] Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas when you take it without asking?
- Michael Emerson: [Hoping he says nothing about Laddie and Star] No, Grandpa.
- Grandpa: Well, now you do.
- Grandpa: Hey, anything around here that might pass for aftershave?
- Sam Emerson: How about some Windex, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: Yeah, yeah, let me try some of that.
- Michael Emerson: You have a big date tonight, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: I'm going to drop my handiwork by the widow Johnson.
- Michael Emerson: What'd ya stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?
- Grandpa: Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew that didn't improve her situation by getting divorced.
- Grandpa: Well, now, let me put it this way. If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once, we'd have one hell of a population problem.
- Grandpa: Hey! Smells good! When do we eat?
- Lucy Emerson: I told Max around 8:00.
- Grandpa: Max! Are we going to have company again?
- Lucy Emerson: Again? Dad you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago.
- Grandpa: Right! Now we are going to have company again!
- Grandpa: Rules! We've got some rules around here. Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my cocktail peanuts, my bottles of Diet Pepsi and my double-thick animal crackers. Nobody touches the second shelf but me. Now, there's another rule around here, and I want you to pay very close attention to it. Don't touch anything. Everything is exactly where I want it.