Edie McClurg credited as playing...
Grace
- Ed Rooney: Ed Rooney.
- Cameron: [disguising voice as George Peterson] Ed. This is George Peterson.
- Ed Rooney: How are you today, sir?
- Cameron: [voice disguised] Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.
- Ed Rooney: Yeah I heard, and man, I'm all broken up, boy, what a blow.
- Cameron: [disguised] Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it's been a tough morning and we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it.
- Ed Rooney: Uh, yeah, sure, no I'd be happy to, yeah you, uh, you you just produce a corpse, and uh, I'll release Sloane. I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.
- Grace: Ed?
- Ed Rooney: It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap and let him fall right in it.
- Grace: Ooh!
- Cameron: [disguised] I'm sorry, Ed, did you say you wanted to see a body?
- Ed Rooney: Yeah, that's right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I'll dig up your daughter. You know that's school policy.
- Cameron: [disguised] Oh.
- Ed Rooney: Was this your mother?
- Cameron: [disguised] Uh, no my wife's mother.
- Grace: [picks up ringing phone] Ed Rooney's office.
- Ferris: Hi this is Ferris Bueller, can I speak to Mr. Rooney please? Thank you.
- Grace: [caught off-guard] Uh... hold.
- Ed Rooney: Tell ya what, dipshit. If you don't like my policies you can come on down here and smooch my big ole' white butt.
- Grace: ED!
- Ed Rooney: Pucker up butter-cup.
- [to Grace]
- Ed Rooney: What?
- Grace: Ferris Bueller's on line 2.
- Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
- [hearing a fake phone message]
- Sloane: [crying on machine] We can't come to the phone right now. We've had a... death in the family.
- Ed Rooney: Grace, Ferris Bueller is behind this. There is no doubt in my mind, and now, he's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing.
- Grace: Her grandmother, too.
- Ed Rooney: You pinhead.
- Sloane: [sobbing] If you need to reach us, we'll be at the following number...
- [sobbing becomes hysterical and over the top]
- [Jeannie enters Mr. Rooney's office]
- Grace: Hello, Jeannie. Who's bothering you now?
- Jeannie: Is Mr. Rooney in?
- Grace: No, I'm sorry. He's not. May I help you?
- Jeannie: I seriously doubt it. When's he back?
- Grace: Well, I don't know. He's left the school grounds on personal business.
- Jeannie: What's that supposed to mean?
- Grace: Well, I believe that it's personal and it's none of your business, young lady.
- Jeannie: [scoffs] Nice attitude.
- Grace: Isn't Mrs. Hagel expecting you in Consumer Ed. class?
- Jeannie: Probably.
- [Departs]
- Grace: Mmm-mmm-mmm. What a little asshole.
- Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
- Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... It's true.
- Ed Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas.
- Grace: Mmm-hmm.
- Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body.
- Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.
- Ed Rooney: Thank you, Grace. I think you're wrong.
- Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
- Ed Rooney: That is why I have got to catch him this time- To show these kids the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere!
- [he hands Grace some papers]
- Grace: Oh, Ed, you sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
- Ed Rooney: Really?
- Grace: Uh-huh
- Ed Rooney: [scoffs lightly] Thanks, Grace.
- Grace: [a while after the first time Rooney yelled at "Sloane's Dad"] Peterson home on line one. And watch your mouth this time.