Burt Young credited as playing...
Lou
- Lou: Come here. I want to tell you something.
- Jason Melon: What?
- Lou: You were pretty hard on your father last night.
- Jason Melon: I know, but the guy doesn't understand.
- Lou: I know your pop thirty years. He understands. He's a nice guy, and he's tough. Like me. I'm nice, and I'm tough. I'll give you an idea what I mean. My two boys, I put one through college and the other I put through a wall. Your papa loves you. He's lookin' out for ya. Look out for him.
- Player #1: Hey, Lutz! You know who I am?
- Derek: Um, let me see. Uh, protruding supra-orbital ridges.
- [the football player picks up Derek by his shirt]
- Derek: Small cranium. Uh, 1300 cc brain. Hmmm. Neanderthal Man!
- Player #1: [to Jason] You. I want you to call his mother. You tell her he's never coming home.
- Jason Melon: Whoah. Hold it, hold it. You sure you even got the right guy? I mean, look how many people got blue hair these days. You know?
- Player #1: Shut up, meat-head!
- Thornton Melon: Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head.
- Player #1: Yeah? Wanna make something of it?
- Thornton Melon: Oh, no, no. I never get physical. I just get upset. And when I get upset...
- Thornton Melon: [points at Lou] HE gets physical.
- [Lou takes a metal napkin holder and crushes it with one hand]
- Lou: [stepping up to the player] You got a problem?
- Player #1: No. I haven't got a problem.
- Lou: Well, now you do.
- [Lou slugs the football player in the stomach, resulting in a full scale bar brawl with the football team]
- Thornton Melon: Home, Sweet Home.
- Lou: I liked the old house better.
- Thornton Melon: So did I.
- Lou: I liked the old wife better, too!
- Thornton Melon: [laughs] Lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache. Lou, I can't believe it. Married five years. Seems like yesterday!
- Thornton Melon: [sighs] And you know what a lousy day yesterday was.
- [watching his TV commercial]
- Thornton Melon: Lou, did you see the new spot?
- Lou: Yeah, I seen it.
- Thornton Melon: Do I look fat in it?
- Lou: You could lose a couple of pounds.
- Thornton Melon: I've gotta get bigger actors.