Gabriel Jarret: Mitch Taylor

Real Genius

Mitch Taylor

Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning...
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No...
Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has that dream?

Mitch: What are you doing?
Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
Mitch: Who is he?
Chris Knight: Hollyfeld.
Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there.
Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him.
Mitch: Yeah...
Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

[Kent opens his dorm room door to find his car inside]
Chris Knight: Hey Kent... That's your car.
Mitch: Kent, you know you're not supposed to park that on campus.
Kent: You've gone too far this time, Knight.
Chris Knight: [whiny, scared voice] I had help!
[points to Mitch]
Kent: You, huh? Well you won't get away with this. Doctor Hathaway's gonna hear all about this. You'll rue the day!
Chris Knight: "Rue the day?" Who talks like that?

[Chris is holding a lab beaker with pink liquid in it]
Chris Knight: Here Mitch, taste this. Go on, you won't hurt my feelings, just try it. What do you think, too sweet?
Mitch: What is it?
Chris Knight: I don't know, I found it in one of the labs.
[Mitch starts to induce vomiting]
Chris Knight: Relax, it's just yogurt.

Chris Knight: Okay Mitch, I'm gonna make it up to you. Let's just pause, put that down. Let's just take a step back. No, I was wrong, I'm sorry, take a step forward. Now, take a step back. Step forward. Back. And then we're cha-cha-ing!
Mitch: Will you stop it? I'm serious!
Chris Knight: Okay, I'm serious too!

Mitch: [as he helps a hallway sledder up from a crash] Are you okay?
Jordan: [Removing helmet and talking rapidly] No, not emotionally, no I'm not. I'm disappointed, not terribly, but still. It should have gone much further much faster. It's okay, though, I know what the problem is. It's obviously the drag coefficient. I'll just have to redesign the blades. I can do that no problem. I can do that here. But after they're designed I got to cut them and that takes tools and time. Do you know how long this stuff is supposed to last?
'Ick' Ikagami: Maybe another half an hour?
Jordan: Oh that's great, that's good, I can do that no problem. Okay, what's your name?
Mitch: Mitch.
Jordan: Oh, thank you for your help, Mitch. Okay I'll see you later.
Mitch: [as she's leaving] You're welcome!
Mitch: [to Ick as Jordan rushes back] Who was that?
'Ick' Ikagami: That? Oh, that was...
Jordan: I'm Jordan. I forgot to tell you my name, I'm Jordan. I heard there was going to be someone new this term. Are you it?
Mitch: Yeah.
Jordan: Do you have a bed?
Mitch: Yeah.
[a surprised look hits Mitch's face as his mind registers the question]
Jordan: [not missing a beat] Oh. I was going to make you one if you didn't have one, but you have one. Okay, bye.

Dr. Meredith: A bit of advice...
Mitch: Oh, uh, thank you...
Dr. Meredith: Always... no, no... never... forget to check your references.
Mitch: Uh... ok... thank you. I'd better be going.
[leaves]
Dr. Meredith: [to his wife] I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down" verbally, don't you?

Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy."
Mitch: What is that?
Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch: No!
Chris Knight: I'm kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

[Mitch Taylor speaking through the microphone so that Kent hears voices in his head]
Mitch: And from now on, stop playing with yourself.
Kent: It *is* God.

Chris Knight: [while Mitch is packing to leave] If you want to leave, go ahead. But, uh... you're going to miss the fun.
Mitch: What fun?
Chris Knight: Ick invented a new virus and we're going to release it in Kent's room.