Quotes

Just One of the Guys

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[Terry opens her tuxedo shirt and reveals her breasts to Rick]
Rick: Wait a minute, are those what I think they are?
Terry: I'm sorry.
Rick: [Rick raises his voice in disbelief] Where do you get off having tits?

[Buddy answers the telephone in front of Terry and begins cursing out in profanity]
Buddy: [Buddy talks on the phone] Hello? Hey, yo, scumbag! Hey, suck your own. Eat me. Hey, same to you, buttface!
Buddy: [Terry stares at Buddy in bewilderment as he hangs up starting to walk off] Mom says 'hi.'

[Buddy teaches Terry how to scratch her balls]
Buddy: Very crucial. Something every guy does. Let me see you scratch your balls.
Buddy: [Terry rolls her eyes at Buddy] Hey, come on, try it.
Buddy: [Terry scratches her jeans] Wait a minute. Watch the master. Now first, there's your basic shift.
Buddy: [Buddy shifts his body with his balls] But that's not always enough. Sometimes you've got to get inside, dig a little, let some air in, move things around.
Terry: Yeah, well, maybe my balls don't itch.
Buddy: All balls itch. It's a fact!

[Terry asks for Buddy's help with Sandy up in his bedroom]
Terry: Listen, there's a half-naked woman in your bedroom feeding pizza to some fish, and she's all yours.
Buddy: Sounds too kinky for me.
Terry: [Terry grabs a hold of Buddy by the arms] Budster, I need you. She needs you. You need her.
Buddy: [Buddy looks up the stairs] Is she really half-naked?
Terry: Maybe more by now.
Buddy: What if you're lying?
Terry: What if I'm not?
Buddy: Good point. If I'm not back in a week, forward my mail.

[Terry kisses Rick in front of everybody at the prom]
Rick: [Rick pushes Terry off him and responds] It's okay, everybody. It's all right. He has tits.

[Terry tries to comfort Buddy about sex not being a big deal]
Terry: Listen, sex is not that big a deal.
Buddy: I'd like to form my own opinion.

[Buddy tries to talk Terry out of her first thought of wanting to be a guy]
Terry: Sometimes I just wish I were a guy.
Buddy: No, you don't. The male body needs sex at all times. It's a living hell.

[Terry lays in bed moping about her article not being that great]
Terry: I know I could do better. I'm just confused.
Buddy: Of course you're confused. You're wearing my underwear.

[Terry asks Buddy how she looks dressed in a tuxedo]
Terry: How do I look?
Buddy: [Buddy doesn't look] Dashing.
Terry: My zipper's open.
Buddy: That was the dashing part.

[Terry tries to ask Rick out on a date as he reminds her he's the guy]
Terry: Well, hey, why don't we go out and have some fun? You know, like, maybe we could go out dancing Friday night.
Rick: Wait a minute. I'm the guy here. Let me just try this, okay? Why don't we go out dancing on Friday night?
Terry: [Terry smiles] What an original idea.

[Terry walks in on Buddy making out with Sandy in his bed]
Terry: Whoops!
Buddy: Hey, no problem. Just a couple of nice, clean all-American kids experimenting with sex.

[Buddy sarcastically responds to Terry's serious sex question]
Terry: Can't you think of anything more profound than getting laid?
Buddy: A blowjob?

[Buddy talks to Terry in her disguise as Rick listens in]
Terry: Bud, what do you want?
Buddy: Guess who came by to pick you up for school this morning? Your true love. Kevina.
Buddy: [Rick looks at Terry] Kevina was very upset that you left without her. You know how she worships your rippling muscles and your hairy chest. Terry is such a stallion. Go on, show him your hairy chest.
Terry: Buddy!

[after the melee in the cafeteria, Greg starts to go after Rick before Deborah stops him]
Deborah: Come on Greg, Greg. Lighten up. It was a joke. People laughed. Let it slide.
Greg Tolan: Stay out of this, Deborah.
Deborah: I'm getting real bored watching you push people around.
Greg Tolan: Yeah? Well, stick around 'cause it's gonna get real exciting.
Deborah: [Deborah grabs Greg's arm] You know, Terry was right. You are an asshole.
Greg Tolan: That asshole called me an asshole?
Deborah: Oh, now you want to beat him up too, right?
Greg Tolan: [Greg sarcastically responds] No, I wanna buy him an ice cream!

[Buddy tells Terry how he would use a woman's body]
Terry: Come on, Buddy, admit it. You would love to spend your entire life just using women's bodies.
Buddy: Yeah, all but the last 60 seconds.
Buddy: [Buddy lays his Playboy magazine down and smiles at the air] I'd like a little time to reminisce.

[Linda tries to leave the house as Buddy begs for her to not go]
Linda: [Linda nervously gets up to leave] Bye.
Buddy: [Buddy starts to crawl on his knees] Linda, wait. For God's sake, I vacuumed, Linda!
Linda: Buddy, you're a nice guy.
Buddy: No, not a nice guy. That's the kiss of death!

[Buddy miserably lays on the couch for not having any sex in two weeks]
Terry: Budmeister, are you okay?
Buddy: No, Terry, I'm not. Mom and Dad come home Monday. I've had two weeks of total freedom. The closest that I've come to sex was a girl who took her top off to seduce my sister. What's wrong with me?

[Rick gets on the table in the high school cafeteria to make an announcement]
Rick: Um, excuse me. Could I have your attention please? Your attention? Every day at lunch, we get a very special treat from a very special guy. A guy who has dedicated his life to building his body, pushing his muscles to the very limits of human endurance. Why, you ask? Why? Well, to be strong enough to lift tables and spill food, Greg Tolan!
Rick: [everyone starts cheering and clapping with Rick] Whoa, wait. Let's take a moment to find out a little bit about the man behind the mess. Greg! May I call you Greg? Now, tell us, Greg, how did you get into spilling food, huh? Were you a messy baby? Did you hate your strained peas? Well, you know, how most psychologists tell us that guys, well, they get into body building to compensate for either a lack of IQ, or a small weenie. Which is it, Greg? Well, those of us in Greg's gym class certainly know the answer to that one.
Greg Tolan: [Greg makes the image of a penis with his pinky finger] I'm going to beat the shit out of you, Morehouse!
Deborah: [Deborah tries to keep Greg back] Greg, please!
Rick: Hey, isn't he great? Muscles and a sense of humor. Well, let's thank Greg for the many lunchtime thrills and spills he's given us. All right everybody, up! Come on, everybody up! Grab an end of your table!
Rick: [the kids in the cafeteria go to an end of their table] A tribute to you, Greg. Lift!
Rick: [everybody in the cafeteria lifts their table, spilling food, including spilling their food on Greg's feet] We love you, Greg!

[Terry helps Deborah with advice to hold the back of her earring on]
Deborah: It's driving me crazy. I looked everywhere, I can't find the back of my earring. What am I suppose to do? Walk around all day with one earring? That is so punk.
Terry: Listen, all you got to do is break the eraser off a pencil. And you can use it to hold your earring on. Should get you through the day.
Deborah: [Deborah smiles as Terry walks away] Oh, thanks.
Terry: [Terry freezes before turning around with a smile] I have sisters.

[Terry and Buddy crawl up the stairs on their hands and knees after they're both rejected]
Buddy: [about Linda] That girl had incredible self-control.
Terry: Kevin hates me. Rick hates me. Everybody hates me except Sandy.
Buddy: Oh, yeah, how'd it go? Did you get laid?
Terry: [Terry turns her head to Buddy] I bet I came closer than you.

[Rick and Terry talk in the boys' bathroom as Rick takes a leak unexpectedly]
Terry: What are you doing?
Rick: [Rick talks with his back to Terry] What's it look like I'm doing?
Terry: Well, do you have to do that in here?
Rick: Seemed like the right time, certainly the right place.

[Terry tries to talk to Buddy as he's making out with Sandy in his bed]
Terry: You know, my voyage of self-discovery has ended in despair.
Buddy: Hey, that's so interesting, really. Can you shut the light off please?

Rick: Are you a virgin?
Terry: No.
Rick: Have you slept with a lot of girls?
Terry: No. Have you ever slept with a girl?
Rick: Yeah.
Terry: OK! Let's hear the story.
Rick: It was no big deal. I was 14 and she was a friend of my mom's after my dad died. I think she wanted to cheer me up. She did.

[Terry tries to tell Buddy that wouldn't he want to have sex with someone he'll love]
Buddy: I'm 15 years old. In two years, I reach the peak of my sexual powers. The clock is ticking. I have to get jamming.
Terry: Can't you hear what you're saying? Aren't you a little embarrassed?
Buddy: Nope. I'm horny. Horny will kick embarrassment's ass every time.
Terry: [Terry puts her hands on Buddy's shoulders] Budster, listen to me. Don't you want your first time to be with someone you love?
Buddy: [Buddy with a smile on his face, whispers] I guarantee it, I'll be in love.

[Terry tells Denise she was in the boys' locker room because they all believed she was a guy]
Terry: I can't give up! And today was a disaster, and I was a major geek, but they all thought I was a guy. I was in the boys' locker room!
Denise: You were?
Terry: Yes!
Denise: And they were?
Terry: Yes!
Denise: Can I be your younger brother?

[Denise dances with Terry at the prom]
Denise: I'm having such a good time. No one here knows I used to be fat.

[after Greg fights with Terry, Buddy jumps on Greg Tolan's back]
Greg Tolan: Shit, where'd these guys learn to fight?

[Terry storms into Buddy's room upset with men and sex]
Terry: All men care about is sex!
Buddy: I resent that.
[Terry sees the Playboy posters Buddy just hung up]

[Terry fakes out Buddy when she first disguises herself as a guy]
Buddy: [Buddy talks to himself before answering the front doorbell] What are the odds of this being a homeless nymphomaniac?
Terry: [Terry outside] Is your sister home?
Buddy: Yeah.
Buddy: [Buddy yells up to Terry's room] Terry, you got company.
[when Buddy turns back to see Terry smiling outside]

[Buddy talks to himself after seeing Terry dressed up looking like a guy]
Buddy: This morning I knew her. I talked to her. She screamed at me. Everything was great. Now she's wearing my clothes.
Buddy: [Buddy yells at Terry] Hey, who do think you are, Tootsie?

[Denise sits with Terry in her bed and tries to cheer her up]
Denise: Terry, I hate when you're depressed. I mean, if you're this upset over your life, I should be suicidal.
Denise: [Denise sees the roses on Terry's bedroom table] I mean, look what Kevin sent you. I'd do anything to come home and find roses.
Buddy: [Buddy holds a single rose staring up at the ceiling] Can we define the word anything?

[Terry sits across Harold Sherpico in the school cafeteria]
Terry: Hi, uh, I'm Terry Griffith.
Reptile: Oh, hi, I'm Harold 'Reptile' Sherpico. It's time to feed Snowball his lunch.
Terry: [Terry sees a little mouse] Oh, Snowball. He's cute.
Reptile: Oh, that's not Snowball. This is Snowball.
Reptile: [Sherpico takes off an albino snake from his neck, pointing to the mouse] That's lunch. They don't make snake chow.
Terry: [Terry gets up to walk away] It was very nice meeting you.

[Sandy talks to her friend in the cafeteria while looking at Terry from a distance]
Sandy: Look! What a fox. Dresses like Elvis Costello, looks like 'The Karate Kid.' I'm going to get him.

[Terry pumps up Rick to get back at Greg Tolan]
Terry: Oh, man, I've had it with that jerk. You want to know about Greg Tolan? I'll tell you about Greg Tolan. Greg Tolan is toast. He can't get away with this. We've got to get him back.
Rick: We and what army?
Terry: No violence. No need to sink to his level. You see, we have somethig that Greg Tolan will never have. Intelligence.
Rick: [Rick snaps his finger] You know, you're right. I mean, we're smart. Okay, Terry. What do we do?
Terry: I don't know.
Rick: Me neither.

[Denise finally agrees with taking Terry to the prom]
Terry: Denise... Just say you'll go to the prom with me.
Denise: I'll go to the prom with you.
Terry: [Terry hugs Denise] Oh, thank you.
Denise: [Denise doesn't hug her back] I want a limo. And you can't tell anyone, not my friends, not my parents, no one. Deal?
Terry: Look, I'm not proud of this either.
Denise: God, look how low I've sunk, and you know what's really sad, you're the best date I've had in weeks.

[Sandy sees Terry's date Denise hitting on the musician at the prom]
Sandy: How could she do that to you?
Terry: We don't have a real commitment. She can date whoever she wants.
Sandy: In the middle of the prom?

[Mr. Raymaker apologizes to Terry after reading her article]
Mr. Raymaker: I'm sorry I misjudged you.
Terry: You don't have to apologize. I wouldn't have this job if it weren't for you. I mean, you forced me to fight for what I wanted, and I will never forget you for that.
Mr. Raymaker: [Mr. Raymaker smiles] Thank you.

[Buddy tries to make Terry smile by giving her his advice]
Buddy: Terry, it's summer. Smile.
Terry: My face hurts when I smile.
Buddy: Listen to me, oh, sister of my loins, I've got a driver's license and a sex life. You've got the job of your dreams, and a chauffeur. Life is sweet. Let's get an ice cream.

[Rick finishes beating up Greg, quoting to Greg his own favorite line to say]
Rick: 'No pain, no gain!'

[last lines]
Terry: [Terry signals for Buddy to get in the car with her and Rick] Come on, Buddy!
[a girl pulls up on a motorcycle next to Buddy, as Buddy smiles and decides to get on the back of her bike instead]

[Buddy tells Terry that he's had sex before]
Buddy: Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had lots of sex. Just that now I want to try it with a partner.
[Buddy looks to the side at Terry's friend Denise]

[Terry asks Denise to take her to the prom]
Terry: Will you go to the prom with me?
Denise: [Denise stares at Terry] You are so sexually confused.

[Buddy tells Denise in the cafeteria about his parents being gone]
Buddy: Our parents are gone for two weeks. You know what that means? Their king-sized bed is empty. Well, what do you think?
Denise: I think if you and I were the last man and woman on Earth, the human race would die out.
Buddy: [Buddy smiles] You want time to think it over. I understand.

[Buddy tells his sister that she needs to throw a slumber party with her friends]
Buddy: I have two words for you. Slumber party. We'll invite every girl you know. Tall, short, loose, easy... I'll be the bartender. They can use my bedroom, they can use my body. I want to help.
Terry: You want to molest my friends.
Terry: [Buddy smiles shaking his head up and down] Forget it!
Buddy: Why? You'll have a party. And I'll...
[Buddy mimics the sound of an orgasm in front of Terry and Denise]

[Terry argues with Mr. Raymaker about not winning the job working for the Sun-Tribune]
Terry: I am going to be a reporter.
Mr. Raymaker: That's good. I like that attitude. But don't you think that it would be nice to have something to fall back on?
Terry: Like what?
Mr. Raymaker: Uh, well, you're a pretty girl, you could be a model.
Terry: Be a model? Why? Because a pretty girl couldn't possibly have a brain?

[Buddy defends his theory on the naked Playboy photos he has up on his walls]
Buddy: Big improvement, huh? The room needed something.
Terry: Your room is why my life is totally screwed up. You guys think beautiful women are nothing but decoration. Total airheads.
Buddy: [Buddy smiles up at the air] Hey, not me. These women have my deepest respect.
Terry: For showing their boobs?
Buddy: And for their minds. It just so happens that Kim here reads Vonnegut in her bubble bath, and Louann has dedicated her centerfold to help clean up toxic waste. And the only reason Barbara does her physics homework buck-naked is 'cause that library is hot.

[Buddy tells Terry a woman has the freedom to be as sick and perverted as a guy]
Terry: I mean, it's as if women's lib never existed.
Buddy: Today's woman has the freedom to be as sick and perverted as us guys.
Terry: Oh, that's wonderful. I mean, I write an excellent article, and just because I'm cute, no one takes me seriously. It's not fair.
Buddy: And yet somehow you find the courage to go on living. You've got guts.

[Terry teaches Buddy to stuff a sock in his pants]
Terry: Well, maybe this would help.
Terry: [Terry looks at the bulge in her jeans in front of the mirror] Not bad.
Buddy: [Buddy stands next to her looking at his bulge in the mirror] Shit. Maybe I should try that.

[Buddy teaches Terry how to walk like a guy]
Buddy: Okay. Let's see you walk.
Buddy: [Terry walks like a girl] Hold it. Look. You got balls now. Use 'em.
Buddy: [Buddy walks and talks like a guy for a demonstration] Say, baby, what's happening? I'm a lean, mean, sex machine, and that be the way it is.
Terry: [as Terry imitates Buddy] 'Say, baby, what's happening? I'm a lean, mean, sex machine, and that be the way it is.'
Buddy: [Buddy chuckles] I think you'll pass as long as you don't move.

[Buddy talks to his Mom on the phone as Terry sits beside him with a bad hangover]
Buddy: Not much has been happening, Ma. Yeah, I did pretty good on my history test. Terry's become a transsexual. Yeah, she's starting to grow hair on her chest. Yeah, just a second. Hey, Mom wants to talk to you.
Terry: No, no.
Buddy: Uh, she can't talk mom. The doctors have advised her not to speak. Something hormonal and vocal.
[as Terry hangs her head at Buddy]

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Just One of the Guys

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