Billy Jayne: Buddy Griffith

Just One of the Guys

Buddy Griffith

[Buddy answers the telephone in front of Terry and begins cursing out in profanity]
Buddy: [Buddy talks on the phone] Hello? Hey, yo, scumbag! Hey, suck your own. Eat me. Hey, same to you, buttface!
Buddy: [Terry stares at Buddy in bewilderment as he hangs up starting to walk off] Mom says 'hi.'

[Buddy teaches Terry how to scratch her balls]
Buddy: Very crucial. Something every guy does. Let me see you scratch your balls.
Buddy: [Terry rolls her eyes at Buddy] Hey, come on, try it.
Buddy: [Terry scratches her jeans] Wait a minute. Watch the master. Now first, there's your basic shift.
Buddy: [Buddy shifts his body with his balls] But that's not always enough. Sometimes you've got to get inside, dig a little, let some air in, move things around.
Terry: Yeah, well, maybe my balls don't itch.
Buddy: All balls itch. It's a fact!

[Terry asks for Buddy's help with Sandy up in his bedroom]
Terry: Listen, there's a half-naked woman in your bedroom feeding pizza to some fish, and she's all yours.
Buddy: Sounds too kinky for me.
Terry: [Terry grabs a hold of Buddy by the arms] Budster, I need you. She needs you. You need her.
Buddy: [Buddy looks up the stairs] Is she really half-naked?
Terry: Maybe more by now.
Buddy: What if you're lying?
Terry: What if I'm not?
Buddy: Good point. If I'm not back in a week, forward my mail.

[Terry walks in on Buddy making out with Sandy in his bed]
Terry: Whoops!
Buddy: Hey, no problem. Just a couple of nice, clean all-American kids experimenting with sex.

[Buddy talks to Terry in her disguise as Rick listens in]
Terry: Bud, what do you want?
Buddy: Guess who came by to pick you up for school this morning? Your true love. Kevina.
Buddy: [Rick looks at Terry] Kevina was very upset that you left without her. You know how she worships your rippling muscles and your hairy chest. Terry is such a stallion. Go on, show him your hairy chest.
Terry: Buddy!

[Buddy tells Terry how he would use a woman's body]
Terry: Come on, Buddy, admit it. You would love to spend your entire life just using women's bodies.
Buddy: Yeah, all but the last 60 seconds.
Buddy: [Buddy lays his Playboy magazine down and smiles at the air] I'd like a little time to reminisce.

[Linda tries to leave the house as Buddy begs for her to not go]
Linda: [Linda nervously gets up to leave] Bye.
Buddy: [Buddy starts to crawl on his knees] Linda, wait. For God's sake, I vacuumed, Linda!
Linda: Buddy, you're a nice guy.
Buddy: No, not a nice guy. That's the kiss of death!

[Buddy miserably lays on the couch for not having any sex in two weeks]
Terry: Budmeister, are you okay?
Buddy: No, Terry, I'm not. Mom and Dad come home Monday. I've had two weeks of total freedom. The closest that I've come to sex was a girl who took her top off to seduce my sister. What's wrong with me?

[Terry and Buddy crawl up the stairs on their hands and knees after they're both rejected]
Buddy: [about Linda] That girl had incredible self-control.
Terry: Kevin hates me. Rick hates me. Everybody hates me except Sandy.
Buddy: Oh, yeah, how'd it go? Did you get laid?
Terry: [Terry turns her head to Buddy] I bet I came closer than you.

[Terry tries to tell Buddy that wouldn't he want to have sex with someone he'll love]
Buddy: I'm 15 years old. In two years, I reach the peak of my sexual powers. The clock is ticking. I have to get jamming.
Terry: Can't you hear what you're saying? Aren't you a little embarrassed?
Buddy: Nope. I'm horny. Horny will kick embarrassment's ass every time.
Terry: [Terry puts her hands on Buddy's shoulders] Budster, listen to me. Don't you want your first time to be with someone you love?
Buddy: [Buddy with a smile on his face, whispers] I guarantee it, I'll be in love.

[Terry fakes out Buddy when she first disguises herself as a guy]
Buddy: [Buddy talks to himself before answering the front doorbell] What are the odds of this being a homeless nymphomaniac?
Terry: [Terry outside] Is your sister home?
Buddy: Yeah.
Buddy: [Buddy yells up to Terry's room] Terry, you got company.
[when Buddy turns back to see Terry smiling outside]

[Buddy talks to himself after seeing Terry dressed up looking like a guy]
Buddy: This morning I knew her. I talked to her. She screamed at me. Everything was great. Now she's wearing my clothes.
Buddy: [Buddy yells at Terry] Hey, who do think you are, Tootsie?

[Denise sits with Terry in her bed and tries to cheer her up]
Denise: Terry, I hate when you're depressed. I mean, if you're this upset over your life, I should be suicidal.
Denise: [Denise sees the roses on Terry's bedroom table] I mean, look what Kevin sent you. I'd do anything to come home and find roses.
Buddy: [Buddy holds a single rose staring up at the ceiling] Can we define the word anything?