The Jewel of the Nile (1985)
Danny DeVito: Ralph
Photos
Quotes
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Ralph : You know, I'll bet you can buy a great townhouse down here for around five or six dollars.
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Ralph : [to Jack] You're all I thought about for six months! They threw me in a jail filled with rejects from the communicable disease ward. Every wacko, drippy, open-sored low-life was in that joint... all of them wanting to hire on as my proctologist!
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Jack T. Colton : What the hell are you talkin' about? I don't even know who the hell you are!
Tarak : You must come with me to help find the Jewel.
Ralph : [face lights up] Jewel? What jewel?
Tarak : The Jewel of the Nile. Our most pricess Jewel. Omar stole my people's Jewel. Omar is a very bad man.
Ralph : Yeah, that scum, I spit on him! Jack... buddy? Let's help this nice man get his jewel back.
Tarak : Yes... yes?
Jack T. Colton : Here, I don't know where you're from or what you're on, but I'm sailing my boat tonight.
Tarak : No! You must come to help find the Jewel now! Before Omar kill many people! As long as Omar have the Jewel... nothing can stop him.
Jack T. Colton : Look, I'm going on the boat. You guys can do what you want.
[behind Jack, his sailboat blows up; Jack slowly turns around looking stunned while both Tarak and Ralph are stunned as well]
Ralph : The boat blew up.
Jack T. Colton : My boat blew up?
Ralph : The boat blew up!
Jack T. Colton : Everything's gone.
Ralph : Who are you? The prince of darkness? Don't you got any friends?
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Tarak : Your woman is in danger too. I will take you to him.
Ralph : I'm comin' too!
Jack T. Colton : The hell you are!
Ralph : Look, you owe me Colton. So, where ever you're going, I'm going. Where we going?
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[At a Sufi celebration]
Ralph : Look at these guys, Colton. No sheep is safe tonight.
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[the captive Ralph is being dragged across the desert floor by the Sufis]
Ralph : [to himself] Oh, please. Let me get out of this alive. I swear to God, I'll be a good boy from tomorrow on.
[Ralph and the rest of the Sufis see the smoke in the distance from the burning F-16 which was stolen by Jack]
Ralph : But tonight, I gotta kill Colton!
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[Ralph comes face-to-face with Omar]
Omar : Who are you?
Ralph : Where's Al Jewelhala buried?
Omar : I said, who the hell are you?
Ralph : Hey, don't provoke me, pal! I've had a tough day here! You know how hot it is around here? It's 120 degrees in the shade! I'm like this with Weinberger! We'll be all over you like a cheap suit!
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Jack T. Colton : I'm sorry you had such a tough time. Ah, how 'bout a hundred bucks?
Ralph : A hundred bucks? I'll give you a one-way ticket to harp land. No more jokes! What'd you do with it?
Jack T. Colton : What are you talkin' about?
Ralph : The stone, moron!
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Ralph : Why do these third world cesspools always got to be so hot? Will you tell me that?
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Ralph : I got to get off of this camel. It's breakin' my ass!
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Ralph : Ah, what's that I hear? A heart breaking? You sap! Better keep your mind on business, Romeo, you'll wind up gettin' yourself killed over some broad who dumped you.
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Ralph : You hook up with a bunch of juju beads, you see what happens?
Jack T. Colton : Just take you're lead from me and you'll be fine.
Ralph : What are we going to do? Walk right through the center of town?
Jack T. Colton : I'm going to put you up a camel's ass - for openers.
Ralph : I think I might like it.
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Ralph : [Last lines] Sufis rule!
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Ralph : [after Ralph walks out of the catacombs into the riot taking place] Looks like Our Lady of Mount Carmel school yard.
