Rue McClanahan credited as playing...
- Blanche: I treat my body like a temple.
- Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.
- [Blanche commenting on her brother's lifestyle]
- Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men.
- Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this "gay thing" yet, have you, Blanche?
- Blanche: Well there must be homosexuals who date women.
- Sophia: Yeah. They're called lesbians.
- Blanche: What was your first impression of me?
- Rose: I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup.
- Sophia: Rose, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got good sense, and you know what you're doing.
- Rose: Oh, Sophia.
- Sophia: Blanche, you're a slut.
- Blanche: Oh, Sophia.
- [on being compared to Charlie's Angels]
- Blanche: I was once told I bore a striking resemblance to Cheryl Ladd... but my bosoms are perkier.
- Dorothy: Not even if you were hanging upside-down from a trapeze!
- Blanche: You know what I hate doing most after a party?
- Rose: Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?
- Blanche: I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss.
- Dorothy: Ah, your first kiss was in the rain?
- Blanche: No, it was in the shower.
- Blanche: No, no, no please. I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio, Big Band, not all talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number and a dime in a door handle, then Bim Bam Boosh, won the tickets.
- Dorothy: Take a lesson Rose. That's how you tell a story.
- Rose: Now, I know no one wants to hear any of my stories right now...
- Dorothy: That's always a safe bet, Rose.
- Rose: ...but you need to hear about my cousin Ingmar. He was different. He used to do bird imitations.
- Blanche: Well, what's wrong with that?
- Rose: Well, let's just say you wouldn't want to park your car under their oak tree.
- Blanche: This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am.
- Dorothy: In what, Blanche, dog years?
- Blanche: [referring to her brother and his lover visiting] My goodness, what would the neighbors think if they saw two men lying in my bed?
- Sophia: They'd think it's Tuesday!
- Blanche: Well, just tell him you have a lot of work at home.
- Rose: I don't want to lie.
- Blanche: When you get home, we'll make you clean out the garage.
- Rose: Oh thanks, I owe you big for this one.
- Rebecca: I'm havin' this baby in a birthin' center. They emphasize natural childbirth without any painkillers.
- Blanche: Honey, I know I told you where babies come from, but did I ever mention where they come OUT?
- Blanche: The Great Herring War?
- Rose: Between the Lindstroms and the Johannsens.
- Dorothy: Oh, THAT Great Herring War.
- Rose: You know, I've been thinking...
- Blanche: Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat.
- Blanche: Dorothy, where's my heating pad?
- Dorothy: [laying on sofa under a blanket] How should I know?
- Blanche: [pulling electric cord from under blanket] If this isn't it I'd like to know what other electrical appliance you're using under that blanket.
- Blanche: Can you believe it? After four long years, my baby girl is finally coming to see me. I'm so happy, I could cry.
- Rose: But Blanche, you *are* crying!
- Dorothy: Admit it, Rose, you worked for Allied Intelligence during World War II.
- Rose: Huh?
- Dorothy: Fine. Play it cagey.
- [the girls are watching Dorothy and Trudy arm wrestle. Trudy wins]
- Trudy: Well, that's that. How does it feel to have your butt whipped?
- Blanche: Well, sometimes I find it strangely titillating, but... oh. You were talking to her.
- [Blanche asks the rest of the girls if there was ever a time when a man didn't sleep with them]
- Rose: I have a story to end all stories about when someone wouldn't sleep with me.
- Blanche: Ok Honey, but PLEASE keep it in ten words or less.
- Rose: OK. I will.
- Dorothy: Ok then Rose, let's hear it. In ten words or less, when did a man not sleep with you?
- Rose: The time I was radioactive.
