- Charlotte: Now listen here, Teddy Bear. Four weeks ago, I met a cute, available, old-fashioned guy who liked horse riding. In one month you got married, you had two daughters and you can't ride a horse to save your life!
- Teddy Pierce: While Didi was waiting for me in San Francisco, Charlotte was waiting in Los Angeles. Two women waiting for me in the middle of the night. Crazy as it seems, I had adventure in my life.
- Teddy Pierce: What was I thinking. I have kids, a wife and a good marriage. And to think I could have wrecked it and for what?
- [looking over at the ground from a towering height and about to jump off]
- Teddy Pierce: Take a look at those legs. Say she is kind of cute though. Ok knock it off! I learned my lesson and I will never do it again.
- [contemplating while falling down a building noticing a good- looking blonde woman]
- Didi Pierce: [referring to Teddy's friend, Joe, who has been cheating on his wife] Do you know what he did to Theresa, right in front of me?
- Teddy Pierce: [Shakes his head]
- Didi Pierce: He had his secretary call him and tell him he had work to do at the office.
- Teddy Pierce: [laughing nervously, knowing he's about to pull the same trick] You mean that old trick still works?
- Didi Pierce: [shaking her head in disbelief] Not anymore!
- [Didi takes a gun out of her dresser drawer. It goes off accidentally in the process, making for an understandably panicked Teddy]
- Teddy Pierce: Do you realize you could have shot me?
- Didi Pierce: I would never do that... not without good reason!
- Richard: [on the phone] I've never tried it that way before. No, no, I'm not worried, it's just that I've never tried it in that position before. It's all new to me. I know you have to wet it before you put it in. Well, you have to or it could break off. How far? I don't know how far? All the way, I suppose. I know you have to keep wiggling it to get all the hairs off though.
- Buddy: Oh, come on, Joey needs a good laugh. We'll take him to that ritzy titsy place where they threw him out!
- Missy Pierce: You remember Shelly, don't you?
- Teddy Pierce: Of course. Of course. How are you?
- Shelly: [in a black leather jacket and a pink mohawk] How are you?
- Teddy Pierce: I'm fine.
- Shelly: I'm fine.
- Teddy Pierce: [to Shelly] You're taking my little girl to see David Boowie?
- Missy Pierce: Bowie, Daddy.
- Teddy Pierce: Bowie! Bowie. You take care of my girl.
- Shelly: You take care of my girl.
- Teddy Pierce: Do you realize you might have shot me?
- Didi Pierce: Oh, I would never do that. Not without a reason!
- Charlotte: How old is that suit?
- Teddy Pierce: This? I don't know. Six. Seven. Eight years, maybe.
- Charlotte: It looks it.
- Teddy Pierce: [buying a new suit] Buddy, are you sure this style suits me?
- Buddy: You want to look good at funerals?
- Teddy Pierce: No, no. I'm just sayin', I wanna look nice, that's all.
- Buddy: Let me see. Put your arms down. Now you're cooking with Crisco!
- Didi Pierce: Shall we have a drink?
- Teddy Pierce: That would be nice. But, take the phone off the hook.
- Didi Pierce: Would you like to make love - now?
- Teddy Pierce: Take the phone off the hook.
- Charlotte: It's a water bed.
- Teddy Pierce: This should be fun.
- Charlotte: Wait a minute, you've come to bed with your shoes and socks.
- Teddy Pierce: Oh, sorry.
- Teddy Pierce: You realise you might have shot me?
- Didi Pierce: Oh, I would never do that... not without a reason. You're not like Joe. Do you know what he did to Theresa? Right in front of me? He had his secretary call at ten o'clock at night and say he had work to do at the office.
- Teddy Pierce: He did that?
- Didi Pierce: Yes.
- Teddy Pierce: You men that old trick still works?
- Didi Pierce: Oh, not any more.
- [phone rings]
- Didi Pierce: I'll get it.
- [Didi answers phone]
- Didi Pierce: Hello? Yes, just a minute. It's Richard.
- [Teddy takes phone]
- Teddy Pierce: Hello? Yes, Richard. How are you all? Yes? You what? You want... wh... is this a joke? You want me to... you want me to do what? Are you crazy? They said... they said... they said I should do w... I should... I should do what? They want me to come out at ten o'clock at night and leave my wife and children... I don't care, eight fifteen, ten o'clock, what difference does it make? I'm not a wind-up toy. You tell my superiors at the office, who can give me raises and promotions, that if they don't like my answer, they can go take it and SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASS!
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