Molly Ringwald: Samantha

Sixteen Candles

Samantha

Samantha: Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.

Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Jim Baker: Mike *is* a dork.

The Geek: This information cannot leave this room. Okay? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
Samantha: No problem.
The Geek: I've never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud.
[Samantha chuckles]

Grandma Helen: Oh Sam, let me look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies.
Grandpa Fred: [chuckles] I better go get my magnifying glass.
Grandma Helen: Oh, and they are so Perky.
Grandma Helen: [reaches to cup them]
Samantha: [cut to Sam's bedroom] I can't believe my Grandmother actually felt me up.

Samantha: I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.

Randy: [talking on the phone with Samantha] I was going to tell you something, but, maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad.
Samantha: You may as well. Nothing could shock me anymore.
Randy: Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.
Samantha: [screams] Aaaaaaaahhh!
Howard: [Her grandparents downstairs are startled by the scream] Geez! I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish!
Grandpa Fred: Well, I'm afraid it's here to stay, Howie.

The Geek: Come on, what's the problem here? I'm a boy. You're a girl. Is there any thing wrong with me trying to put together some kind of relationship between us? Okay, look, I know you haven't been - just answer me one question.
Samantha: Yes, you're a total fag.
The Geek: [laughs] That's not the question. Am I turning you on?

Ginny: No, Sam, I think you're just being a little selfish... and immature.
Samantha: Oh, yes, that's it. That's *exactly* it.
[storms out]
Ginny: [to herself] Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you.

The Geek: I know I came on kinda like a poozer on the bus tonight and everything. But... that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk.
Samantha: But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they?
The Geek: Yeah, but, the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipshits.
Samantha: Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next Fall as a completely normal person.

Brenda Baker: Oh, Sam. Sam, I am so sorry about your birthday.
Samantha: It's OK. I'll recover.
Brenda Baker: It's important to you. And yesterday morning you were trying to tell me.
[Sniffling]
Samantha: It's OK, Mom. These things sometimes happen.
Brenda Baker: Oh, honey, I just feel miserable.
Samantha: You'll feel better.
Mike Baker: Who died?
Brenda Baker: Uh... Is there something you want to say to your sister?
Mike Baker: What? Are you kidding? Where should I start?
Brenda Baker: I mean about her birthday. It was yesterday. We all forgot.
Mike Baker: [laughing] Classic.
Brenda Baker: Deep down, he's really sorry.
Brenda Baker, Samantha: [Together] No, he's not.

The Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's...
Samantha: Go to hell.
The Geek: VERY hostile!

Randy: [Samantha has filled out an "anonymous" sex quiz naming her crush, which has fallen into unknown hands] Jake Ryan? He doesn't even know you exist.
Samantha: Thank you, that's a very nice thing to say.
Randy: I'm sorry, but Jake Ryan? He's a senior, and he's taken. I mean, really taken.
Samantha: I know. He's supposed to be my ideal.
Randy: He's ideal for sure, but, forget it.
Samantha: God, I hope whoever got the note doesn't know it was me who wrote it. I'd shit twice and die.