Beverly D'Angelo credited as playing...
Ellen Griswold
- [after driving off the road]
- Ellen Griswold: I think I broke my nose.
- Rusty Griswold: I stabbed my brain.
- Audrey Griswold: I just got my period.
- Rusty Griswold: Is that a real gun, Mom?
- Ellen Griswold: I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father... may be going away for a little while.
- [Delivering the eulogy for Aunt Edna, flatly]
- Clark Griswald: O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great dispair. Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms in the flock in thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he laid its down by the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her... give her a break.
- Ellen Griswold: Clark... Clark... This is a serious matter. I'll do it myself.
- Clark Griswald: Honey, I'm not an ordained minister; I'm doing my best, OK?
- [Clark punches the Marty Moose statue]
- Ellen Griswold: Clark, what are you doing?
- Clark: We watch his program... We buy his toys, we go to his movies... he owes us. Doesn't he owe us, huh? He owes the Griswolds, right? Fucking-A right he owes us!
- Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're scaring me.
- Clark: DON'T BE SCARED! I think that someone just owes us an explanation that's all!
- Ellen Griswold: Stay in the car! It's hot and dangerous out here.
- Aunt Edna: Don't you tell me what to do, I'll do what I want! I should never have come on this trip with you, I should have taken an airplane... and he...
- [pointing to Clark]
- Aunt Edna: He shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile! He should be BEHIND BARS!
- Ellen Griswold: SIT down and SHUT UP! Move outta that seat and I'll split your lip!
- Ellen Griswold: This is so dangerous, Clark. We have no business being in a neighborhood like this!
- Clark Griswald: Oh I don't know, hun. This is a part of America we never get to see.
- Ellen Griswold: [sarcastic] That's good!
- Clark Griswald: Uh... no that's bad. We can't just ignore the plight of the inner cities. See the plight kids?
- [gunshots are heard and a woman is heard screaming]
- Clark Griswald: Roll 'em up!
- Clark Griswald: Could I do your back, honey?
- Ellen Griswold: I've already done my back.
- Clark Griswald: Could I do your front?
- Ellen Griswold: Go do your own front.
- Ellen Griswold: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
- Clark Griswald: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.
- Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles!
- Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to...
- Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty!
- Rusty Griswold: No he wasn't, Mom. He...
- Clark: Rusty! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be grateful for this man for stopping us. You see kids...
- [the motorcycle cop appears at the car window with the dog leash]
- Motorcycle Cop: Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.
- Clark: Aah, what d'ya say honey? Ohh. Despite all the little problems, it really is fun isn't it?
- Ellen Griswold: No. But with every new day there's fresh hope.
- Ellen Griswold: The next time you have one of your outbursts, I'd really appreciate it if you think about the consideration of our kids.
- Clark Griswald: What are you talking about?
- Ellen Griswold: You don't know? After everything that happened, you still don't get it?
- Clark Griswald: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
- Ellen Griswold: Oh spare me, Clark! I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1,000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!
- Clark Griswald: [talking about Aunt Edna] She can't weigh more than 100 pounds.
- Ellen Griswald: Oh, no. You can't just put her on the roof.
- Audrey Griswald: Yes, he can!
- Clark Griswald: You want me to strap her to the hood? She'll be fine. It's not as if it's going to rain or something.
- Aunt Edna: You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick!
- Ellen Griswold: Oh - we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
- Aunt Edna: Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?
- Clark Griswald: Clark.
- Aunt Edna: I thought so. Whew! Well am I gonna eat, or am I gonna starve to death?
- Aunt Edna: Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news?
- Cousin Catherine: [nervously] Uh, no; I was just about to.
- Ellen Griswold: Good news, what good news, Catherine?
- Aunt Edna: You're driving me to Phoenix!
- [Clark begins choking on his hamburger]
- [In Cousin Normy's backyard in the pouring rain]
- Ellen Griswold: We can't leave her on the patio!
- Clark Griswald: Would you rather I slipped her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?
- Ellen Griswold: I honestly don't think you're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
- Clark Griswald: Jesus, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world.
- Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
- Clark Griswald: Make that the second biggest.
- Ellen Griswald: We're not really violent people. This is our first gun.
- Clark Griswald: No, it isn't.
- Clark Griswald: [to the Dodge City bartender] Hey Knucklehead, set us up with four Red eye's will ya?
- [the bartender ignors him]
- Clark Griswald: Hey Yellabelly, I'm talking to you!
- [the bartender glares at Clark]
- Clark Griswald: Hey Tender foot, move your chicken wings turkey!
- [the bartender angrily glares at Clark]
- Ellen Griswold: Clark, that's not nice.
- Clark Griswald: Relax, it's all part of the act.
- [to the bartender]
- Clark Griswald: Hey Underpants...
- [the bartender pulls out a double-barrled shotgun and shoots Clark!]