Kyle T. Heffner credited as playing...
Richie Blazik
- Richie: Hey, did you hear about the Polock who locked his keys in the car? He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.
- Richie: [practicing by himself before stage debut] Hi. I'm Richie Blazik. Hi. I'm Richie Blazik. Did you hear about the Polack bank robber? He tied up the safe, blew the guard. Tied up the safe, blew the guard. Tied up the safe and blew the guard.
- Jake Mawby: Hey, kid! Come here. Come here! What's the matter?
- Richie: I'm nervous, Jake.
- Jake Mawby: Oh.
- [punches him in the gut, and as Richie doubles over:]
- Jake Mawby: Now you ain't nervous anymore! Now you're pissed off.
- Jeanie Szabo: One cheese, medium. Fries. Two plain, rare. Tomato and onion. One pastrami on kaiser. Mayo, no mustard.
- Richie: What's a pimple on a Polock's ass?
- Jeanie Szabo: I need that BLT on rye, Richie.
- Richie: A brain tumor.
- [laughs]
- Jeanie Szabo: Richie...
- Richie: What's this?
- [sticks his tongue out]
- Jeanie Szabo: Come on, Richie.
- Richie: A lesbian with a hard on!
- [laughs]
- Richie: I'm terrific, huh? You can tell me. I can take it. I'm terrific. Right?
- Jeanie Szabo: Mayo, no mustard.
- Richie: There was a Polish terrorist. You know, they sent him to blow up a car and he burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
- Richie: You know, one of these days I'm gonna be like, you know, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin. Until that day comes...
- Alex Owens: You'll just keep stealing all their material.