Tedde Moore credited as playing...
Miss Shields
- Miss Shields: [reading Ralphie's theme in his fantasy, she clutches his essay to her chest] Oh! The theme I've been waiting for all my life. Listen to this sentence: "A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time". Poetry. Sheer poetry, Ralph! An A+!
- Ralphie as an Adult: C+? Oh no, it CAN'T be!
- Ralphie: C+?
- Miss Shields: [in Ralphie's fantasy, dressed as the Wicked Witch] C+! C+! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
- Miss Shields: Where's Flick? Has anyone seen Flick?
- Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating as Ralphie feigns ignorance] Flick? Flick who?
- Ralphie as an Adult: [regarding the note on his report] Oh, no! "You'll shoot your eye out!"?
- Ralphie: Oh, no!
- Ralphie as an Adult: My mother must have gotten to Miss Shields! There could be no other explanation!
- Miss Shields, Mother: [in Ralphie's fantasy, Miss Shields is dressed as the Wicked Witch and Ralphie's mother as a jester, both chanting] "You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
- Ralphie as an Adult: Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his peacemaker?
- Miss Shields: Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick.
- Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.