- Chuck Lumley: As we sit here and idly chat, there are woman, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men, and we are making money from that.
- Bill Blazejowski: Is this a great country, or what?
- Bill: What are we really talking about here? Huh? What's the essence of what we're talking about? Spell it out for you if I have to.
- [writing on chalkboard]
- Bill: PROSTITUTION! Prostitution. Yeah, we can say it. We're big kids now, right? You know a lot of times it'll help you to understand a word if you break it down, so let's do that now, shall we? PROS... it doesn't mean anything. Forget about that... TIT, I think we all know what that means. TU, kay two tit and TION, of course, from the Latin to shun... to say no, uh-uh, thank you anyway I don't want it, to push away... it doesn't even belong in this word really, so let's get rid of that.
- Bill Blazejowski: [picking up photo from desk] Hey Chuck? Who is this? Your wife?
- Chuck Lumley: Fiancée.
- Bill Blazejowski: Nice frame!
- Bill Blazejowski: All you ever think about is yourself. You don't care what happens to me. You don't care what happens to Belinda. You don't care what happens to the Girl Scouts of America! America! I'm fed up, man. I'm fed up with you. I wash my hands and my feet of you!
- Belinda Keaton: Franklin once told me that he wanted to be buried in his car.
- Chuck Lumley: We don't do that.
- Belinda Keaton: Oh.
- Chuck Lumley: You'll probably have to call the funeral home or the department of motor vehicles.
- Belinda Keaton: [Belinda is at the morgue to identify her pimp's body] Oh, Christ.
- Sgt. Averbach: Do you recognize this man as Franklin Delano Roosevelt Jones?
- Belinda Keaton: Yes.
- Sgt. Averbach: What was your, uh, relationship with the deceased?
- Belinda Keaton: He was my Avon lady.
- Sgt. Averbach: Ah, give me a break!
- Belinda Keaton: Oh give *me* a break! You think this is a thrilling morning for me? Huh? Eat an Egg McMuffin, look at a dead guy.
- Chuck: Why do you listen to my mother? This is the same woman who goes to a seance every Friday night since my father died just so she can still yell at him.
- Belinda Keaton: Bill, Bill, are you all right? Did you break anything, Bill?
- Bill Blazejowski: I caught an updraft.
- Chuck Lumley: Are you ok?
- Bill: Yeah, I'm all right, don't worry, I'm all right, fortunately the ground broke my fall.
- Bill: [Chuck is spitting on himself in the jail cell] Chuck, come on - it looks bad in front of the other guys!
- Chuck Lumley: So what am I running for, cell president?
- Bill: No!... they have that?
- Bill: Wanna know why I carry this tape recorder? To tape things. See, I'm an idea man, Chuck. I get ideas coming at me all day. I can't control 'em. I can't even fight 'em if I want to. You know, 'AHHH!' So I say 'em in here, and that way I never forget 'em. You see what I'm sayin'?
- [speaking into tape recorder]
- Bill: Stand back, this is Bill. Idea to eliminate garbage. Edible paper. You eat it, it's gone! You eat it, it's outta there! No more garbage!
- Bill: [points to morgue cold chambers] What's in here, just stiffs and stuff?
- Chuck: Uh, no, we call them "corpses."
- Bill: Can I take a peek?
- Chuck: Sure.
- Bill: All right!
- Chuck: I think there's one in #7.
- Bill: Hey, this Carboni guy! What's he, like, our boss or what?
- Chuck: No, no, he's the supervisor. He's not here at night.
- Bill: Nuh-uh! Get outta town! Just you and me and the stiffs alone? Here? That's gonna be radical, Chuck!
- [Chuck opens morgue drawer]
- Bill: That guy's dead!
- Bill: Wait a minute. Hold the phone, Chuck. We got all that space down at the morgue. All those cars. All that time at night. Nobody watching us. We could handle things for your next door neighbor and all of her girl friends right out of the morgue!
- Chuck: Pimps? Are you saying we should become pimps?
- Bill: Pimps is an ugly word. We could call ourselves "love brokers".
- Chuck: Did you ever see the movie "Klute"?
- Belinda Keaton: What?
- Chuck: The movie with Jane Fonda; "Klute".
- Belinda Keaton: No, I don't think so.
- Chuck: She plays a call girl, and she's with this guy, a customer. And they're doing it, and she's screaming and moaning as if its like the end of the world for her. And then right in the middle, when the guy's not looking, she looks at her watch. And you just know it's an act.
- Belinda Keaton: Hey, I don't wear a watch.
- [kiss]
- Bill: I'm an idea man, Chuck. I get ideas all day long. I can't control them. I can't even fight 'em if I want to. You know, 'AAAA!' So I say 'em in here, and that way I never forget 'em. You see what I'm sayin'?"
- Chuck Lumley: [reads the forms that Lenoard, the day shift guy left] Name of the deceased... something Polish?
- Sgt. Averbach: Now can you tell me who sent him to Pimp Heaven?
- Belinda Keaton: Oh, sure! Now can you kiss my ass?
- Sgt. Averbach: For how much?
- Charlotte Koogle: [in bed] Are you excited?
- Chuck: Like the French when Lindbergh landed.
- Charlotte Koogle: Am I fat?
- Chuck: Huh?
- Charlotte Koogle: Am I fat?
- Chuck: You're a willow. You're a reed. You're Audrey Hepburn!
- Chuck: When did you get fully dressed?
- Charlotte Koogle: It wasn't going to be any good tonight anyway. I feel so guilty! I cheated today.
- Chuck: You're kidding.
- Charlotte Koogle: I had a Nestle's Crunch Bar.
- Belinda Keaton: I have to talk to you.
- Chuck: What about?
- Belinda Keaton: About this.
- [long kiss]
- Chuck: You're a very good talker.
- [long kiss]
- Belinda Keaton: Mmm. Mmm.
- [panting]
- Belinda Keaton: Chuck...
- Chuck: Huh?
- Belinda Keaton: The zipper's on the side, honey.
- Chuck: The side?
- Chuck: [elevator door opens; Chuck sees Belinda lying on the elevator floor] Oh my God. Did you fall down? Did somebody hit you?
- Belinda Keaton: Other way round. Somebody hit me and then I fell down.
- Bill Blazejowski: What's our job? We, like, drive around and pickup stiffs, or what? Is that what we are supposed to do?
- Bill: Get this, I'm livin' with this chick, right? I come home one night and I catch her in bed - with another girl. I went, "No!" I couldn't believe it, you know. She went lesbo on me like that! Unbelievable. I just finished eatin' my dinner and walked right out of there. What do you think? Was that wrong?
- Chuck: See, you let too many things bother you. That way, you'll never have an orgas...
- Charlotte Koogle: [covers Chuck's mouth] Don't you say that word!
- Bill: Boy, I tell you Chuck, this weekend is it! This weekend I go to Atlantic City and I do nothing but play blackjack. Straight and through. I'm not even gonna get a room. I'm just gonna get those wash-n-dries, you know. Did tell you I thought of them first? Only they already had 'em.
- Bill: Vegas knows how to treat you right, you know, Chuck. He's got broads, you know, Wayne Newton. Got him. He's an Indian. Did you know that? I'll introduce you if you want me to.
- Bill: If I can take a moment here, and I mean what I'm about to say. I feel a lot of love in this room. I don't know, maybe it's me, but I'll tell you something. It was here a minute ago, and it was really beautiful. So, at this moment, I think it's important that I see all of your breasts.
- [objects thrown at Bill]
- Bill: Or, I don't have to...
- Dawn: Come on, let's get outta here. This guys no pimp; he's a wimp!
- Belinda Keaton: Everybody's lookin' for a new way to do it. A guy once took me up in a helicopter... had me do it with him as we hovered over his ex-wife's house.
- Chuck: No.
- Belinda Keaton: Yeah! Don't you ever fantasize different ways you wanna do it?
- Bill: This guy - he doesn't have fun. I'm gonna teach him - this wild man - how to have fun right now.
- Chuck: I can't get over the fact that you didn't quit.
- Belinda Keaton: Right! I didn't quit! Did you quit?
- Chuck: I'm not a whore!
- Belinda Keaton: No, you're a pimp.
- Cop: Party's over, numb-nuts!
- Charlotte Koogle: Chuck. Chuck!
- Chuck: Charlotte, I thought you were in Indiana. My mom called. And you flew all the way back here. I thought for sure when you found out what I was doing, you'd just hate me. No, not you. You came to be by my side. You are one in a million.
- Charlotte Koogle: [spits in Chuck's face] Goodbye, Chuck.
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