Michael Keaton credited as playing...
Bill Blazejowski
- Chuck Lumley: As we sit here and idly chat, there are woman, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men, and we are making money from that.
- Bill Blazejowski: Is this a great country, or what?
- Bill: What are we really talking about here? Huh? What's the essence of what we're talking about? Spell it out for you if I have to.
- [writing on chalkboard]
- Bill: PROSTITUTION! Prostitution. Yeah, we can say it. We're big kids now, right? You know a lot of times it'll help you to understand a word if you break it down, so let's do that now, shall we? PROS... it doesn't mean anything. Forget about that... TIT, I think we all know what that means. TU, kay two tit and TION, of course, from the Latin to shun... to say no, uh-uh, thank you anyway I don't want it, to push away... it doesn't even belong in this word really, so let's get rid of that.
- Bill Blazejowski: [picking up photo from desk] Hey Chuck? Who is this? Your wife?
- Chuck Lumley: Fiancée.
- Bill Blazejowski: Nice frame!
- Bill Blazejowski: All you ever think about is yourself. You don't care what happens to me. You don't care what happens to Belinda. You don't care what happens to the Girl Scouts of America! America! I'm fed up, man. I'm fed up with you. I wash my hands and my feet of you!
- Belinda Keaton: Bill, Bill, are you all right? Did you break anything, Bill?
- Bill Blazejowski: I caught an updraft.
- Chuck Lumley: Are you ok?
- Bill: Yeah, I'm all right, don't worry, I'm all right, fortunately the ground broke my fall.
- Bill: [Chuck is spitting on himself in the jail cell] Chuck, come on - it looks bad in front of the other guys!
- Chuck Lumley: So what am I running for, cell president?
- Bill: No!... they have that?
- Bill: Wanna know why I carry this tape recorder? To tape things. See, I'm an idea man, Chuck. I get ideas coming at me all day. I can't control 'em. I can't even fight 'em if I want to. You know, 'AHHH!' So I say 'em in here, and that way I never forget 'em. You see what I'm sayin'?
- [speaking into tape recorder]
- Bill: Stand back, this is Bill. Idea to eliminate garbage. Edible paper. You eat it, it's gone! You eat it, it's outta there! No more garbage!
- Bill: [points to morgue cold chambers] What's in here, just stiffs and stuff?
- Chuck: Uh, no, we call them "corpses."
- Bill: Can I take a peek?
- Chuck: Sure.
- Bill: All right!
- Chuck: I think there's one in #7.
- Bill: Hey, this Carboni guy! What's he, like, our boss or what?
- Chuck: No, no, he's the supervisor. He's not here at night.
- Bill: Nuh-uh! Get outta town! Just you and me and the stiffs alone? Here? That's gonna be radical, Chuck!
- [Chuck opens morgue drawer]
- Bill: That guy's dead!
- Bill: Wait a minute. Hold the phone, Chuck. We got all that space down at the morgue. All those cars. All that time at night. Nobody watching us. We could handle things for your next door neighbor and all of her girl friends right out of the morgue!
- Chuck: Pimps? Are you saying we should become pimps?
- Bill: Pimps is an ugly word. We could call ourselves "love brokers".
- Bill: I'm an idea man, Chuck. I get ideas all day long. I can't control them. I can't even fight 'em if I want to. You know, 'AAAA!' So I say 'em in here, and that way I never forget 'em. You see what I'm sayin'?"
- Bill Blazejowski: What's our job? We, like, drive around and pickup stiffs, or what? Is that what we are supposed to do?
- Bill: Get this, I'm livin' with this chick, right? I come home one night and I catch her in bed - with another girl. I went, "No!" I couldn't believe it, you know. She went lesbo on me like that! Unbelievable. I just finished eatin' my dinner and walked right out of there. What do you think? Was that wrong?
- Bill: Boy, I tell you Chuck, this weekend is it! This weekend I go to Atlantic City and I do nothing but play blackjack. Straight and through. I'm not even gonna get a room. I'm just gonna get those wash-n-dries, you know. Did tell you I thought of them first? Only they already had 'em.