Robert Culp credited as playing...
Bill Maxwell
- Ralph Hinkley: Bill, are you OK? What's wrong with your knees?
- Bill Maxwell: Fear. Or... I'm drunk.
- Ralph Hinkley: No, you're not drunk.
- Bill Maxwell: Then I'm alive!
- [laughs nervously]
- Bill Maxwell: Thank you, Ralph. Thanks very much!
- Bill Maxwell: They give... and office like THIS to a kid... a GIRL? Come on now, counselor. I wasn't born yesterday.
- Pam Davidson: No, it was more like 1880, wasn't it, Bill?
- Bill Maxwell: That's very funny.
- Pam Davidson: I am disgusted with the both of you.
- Ralph Hinkley: Why?
- Bill Maxwell: About what?
- Pam Davidson: I don't know yet.
- Bill Maxwell: You get to be vice principal. Counselor... she's a junior partner. Yours truly, Dumbo Maxwell's chuggin' across the finish line... folks up in the gallery yellin' down "Go, geezer! Go!"
- Bill Maxwell: OK, let's not panic.
- Pam Davidson: I feel like panicking. I can panic if I want to panic.
- Bill Maxwell: C'mon... You'll do it for Bill. Old Uncle Bill. Old Uncle Wild Bill. Who loves ya, baby? Eh?
- Pam Davidson: You're over-doing it "Uncle Bill"
- [about a woman who said she saw a sea monster]
- Bill Maxwell: She probably thought she saw what she said she thought she saw.
- Bill Maxwell: She may be your girlfriend but she's my counselor and nobody messes with her. That's it.
- Bill Maxwell: And so we went to NewFOUNDland to make friends with all the whales and a bunch of little fishies
- Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I've got an idea
- Bill Maxwell: Good, put it to me in a letter, I'll try to get back to you by the end of the month
- Ralph Hinkley: You see what I mean? Like right now for instance. You're not even listening to me. I mean, for all I know, we could be driving into the biggest shootout of this century
- Bill Maxwell: [not listening] Yeah, kid. I'll work on that for ya