John Young credited as playing...
Matthias, Son of Deuteronomy of Gath
- Matthias: Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying "Jehovah".
- [Everyone gasps]
- Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
- Matthias: Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
- Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" once more...
- [Gets hit with a rock]
- Jewish Official: Right! Who threw that? Come on, who threw that?
- Stoners: She did! She!
- [Suddenly speaking as men]
- Stoners: Him! Him. Him.
- Jewish Official: Was it you?
- Stoner: Yes.
- Jewish Official: Right...
- Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah".
- [Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
- Jewish Official: Stop it! Stop! Stop, will you... stop that!
- [Jumps angrily]
- Jewish Official: Stop it! Now look: no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle, do you understand? Even - and I want to make this absolutely clear - even if they do say "Jehovah".
- [Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]
- Stoners: Gotcha!
- Centurion: You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal?
- Matthias: No.
- Centurion: Crucifixion!
- Matthias: Oh.
- Centurion: Nasty, eh?
- Matthias: Could be worse.
- Centurion: What you mean "Could be worse"?
- Matthias: Well, you could be stabbed.
- Centurion: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It's a slow, horrible death.
- Matthias: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.
- Centurion: You're weird!
- Matthias: [Answering the summons of the door] My legs are old and bent, my ears are grizzled, yes?
- Centurion: There's one place we didn't look. Guards!
- [the guards troop into the house]
- Matthias: ...Nose is knackered.
- Centurion: Have you ever seen anyone crucified?
- Matthias: Crucifixion's a doddle.
- Centurion: ...Don't keep saying that.
- Lead Search Guard: [Guards troop out, last guard pauses] Found this spoon, sir.
- Centurion: Well done, Sergeant!
- Centurion: We'll be back... Oddball...
- Reg: They've bled us white, the bastards! They've taken everything we ever had! And not just from us, but from our fathers, and from our father's fathers!
- Stan: And from our father's father's fathers.
- Reg: Right.
- Stan: And from our father's father's father's fathers.
- Reg: Alright Stan, don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?
- Revolutionary #1: ...The aquaduct?
- Reg: What?
- Revolutionary #1: The aquaduct.
- Reg: Oh. Yeah, yeah they did give us that. That's true, yeah.
- Revolutionary #2: And, uh, sanitation.
- Stan: Oh yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city USED to be like.
- Reg: Alright, I'll grant you the aquaduct and the sanitation. The two things the Romans HAVE done.
- Matthias: And the roads!
- Reg: Yeah, well obviously the roads! I mean, the roads go without saying, don't they? But APART from sanitation, the aquaducts and the roads...
- Revolutionary #3: Irrigation?
- Revolutionary #1: Medicine.
- Revolutionary #5: Education?
- Reg: Yeah, alright, fair enough...
- Revolutionary #5: And the wine!
- [Everyone murmurs in agreement apart from an increasingly annoyed Reg]
- Francis: Yeah! Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, Reg, if the Romans left.
- Revolutionary #6: Public baths.
- Stan: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.
- Francis: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it -- they're the only ones who COULD in a place like this.
- [Everyone except Reg chuckles in agreement]
- Reg: Alright, but APART from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health... what have the Romans ever done for us?
- Revolutionary #1: ...Brought peace.
- Reg: Oh, peace! Shut up!