Terence Bayler credited as playing...
Gregory
- Spectator I: I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers".
- Mrs. Gregory: Aha, what's so special about the cheesemakers?
- Gregory: Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
- Centurion: Where is Brian of Nazareth?
- Brian: You sanctimonious bastards!
- Centurion: I have an order for his release!
- Brian: You stupid bastards!
- Mr. Cheeky: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.
- Brian: What?
- Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, I - I - I'm Brian of Nazareth.
- Centurion: Take him down!
- Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
- Victim #1: Eh, I'm Brian!
- Mr. Big Nose: I'm Brian!
- Victim #2: Look, I'm Brian!
- Brian: I'm Brian!
- Victims: I'm Brian!
- Gregory: I'm Brian, and so's my wife!
- Victims: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!...
- Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!
- Centurion: All right. Take him away and release him.
- Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only - It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke!
- Mr. Big Nose: I'll get you for this, you bastard.
- Parvus: Oh, yeah?
- Mr. Big Nose: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face.
- Parvus: No?
- Mr. Big Nose: I warned you. I'm going to punch you so hard, you Roman git!
- Parvus: Shut up, you Jewish turd!
- Mr. Big Nose: Who are you calling Jewish? I'm not Jewish! I'm a Samaritan!
- Gregory: A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section.
- Parvus: It doesn't matter! You're all going to die in a day or two.
- Gregory: It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn't it, darling?
- Mrs. Gregory: Oh, rather.
- Gregory: Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area.