- [last lines]
- Paula Powers: So, where do you think we'll be on our 50th anniversary?
- Sam Freeman: Right here. I'm not getting out of the car.
- Paula Powers: Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
- [kisses him]
- [speaking on the radio after driving through an apartment and landing in a pool]
- Curly Q. Brown: Ladies and gentlemen... I'm speechless!
- Sam Freeman: There once was a girl from LA / Who was determined to go all the way / Her mother screamed no / Her father yelled 'Whoa' / But they married the first day in May.
- Paula Powers: And then they rolled in the hay.
- Sam Freeman: Pull over!
- [he and Paula briefly stop by to see if Collins is okay, then quickly run]
- Sam Freeman: He's all right!
- Elderly Woman: What in the lord's name are you doing?
- Preacher: Twenty-five thousand dollars! Now, that's a lot of bibles, baby!
- Curly Q. Brown: Look at that son of a bitch drive!
- [covers in microphone in fear]
- Curly Q. Brown: Oh, shit!
- Bigby Powers: Eagle I, Give us some air support. Get down there and harass them!
- [no answer on the radio]
- Bigby Powers: Eagle I, I just gave you a direct order. Do you read me?
- Eagle I: Base I, do you read this?
- [blows a raspberry]
- Bigby Powers: YOU'RE FIRED!
- Eagle I: Ha-ha!
- Officer Tad: All right, lady, out of the car.
- Vivian Hedgeworth: I'm rushing to save my son! He's fleeing to Las Vegas in a maroon hot Charger with a white roof and you know how reckless these young people can be.
- Vivian Hedgeworth: If he's anything like YOU, lady, he ought to be put away!
- Vivian Hedgeworth: Don't be facetious!
- Officer Tad: [after the orange Volkswagen suffers a blown tire] All right, out of the car, lady! Out of the car! You're under arrest, lady!
- Vivian Hedgeworth: Oh, you are an obscene person!
- [punches him in the face and runs off]
- Officer Tad: Ohh, now that's ASSAULTING AN OFFICER!
- Bigby Powers: [frantic] Priscilla, will you hurry up? Christ Almighty, the cab's been waiting for two minutes!
- Collins Hedgeworth: [runs into a used car lot] SIR! My fiancee's been abducted! I was in pursuit of her captor who's en route to Las Vegas! I had a minor accident and I'm in dire need of transportation!
- Car Salesman: Well, we can...
- Collins Hedgeworth: [notices a Dodge Charger nearby] Ah! That'll do fine!
- Car Salesman: Well, you got a fine eye there, boy.
- [Collins runs over to the car and gets in]
- Car Salesman: She's a runner, too!
- Collins Hedgeworth: [hands the salesman an IOU] Bill my father!
- Car Salesman: Well, partner, I don't know if we can let you have the car on that kind of a deal.
- Collins Hedgeworth: I'm Collins Hedgeworth! My father is Montgomery Hedgeworth! My grandfather is Elwood Hedgeworth! Collectively, my family is worth ninety-seven million dollars!
- Car Salesman: Well, I don't know. I'm gonna have to check with the manager on this.
- [Collins groans angrily and reverses the car through the showroom's glass window as the salesman turns around]
- Car Salesman: Hey!
- [Collins drives the car out of the showroom by crashing through another window and roars off]
- Car Salesman: Hey, boy, that's aggravated grand theft!
- Collins Hedgeworth: [the preacherman tackles Collins, whose truck has turned over] Let me go! I gotta stop my fiancee!
- Preacher: It is God's will I caught you and God's will that I collect!
- Collins Hedgeworth: All right. Help me stop my fiancee and you'll get it all... fifty thousand dollars!
- Preacher: [gets out a bible from his coat pocket] Swear on the bible!
- Collins Hedgeworth: [slaps his hand on the bible] I swear!
- Preacher: Amen! Come on, let's go, boy! We'll build us a whole tabernacle!
- [they both run towards the police car]
- Curly Q. Brown: Sam Freeman, the man of the moment. How you doing, Sam?
- Sam Freeman: You're full of crap! You know that, Curly? You make a big deal about wishing us good luck. Then you tell everybody where we are!
- Curly Q. Brown: Sam...
- Sam Freeman: I want you to cut it out!
- Curly Q. Brown: Sam, you created this situation, I didn't.
- Sam Freeman: But you went through a hell of a lot of trouble to make it a great human interest story, didn't you, Curly? Now, you're sitting up there broadcasting it to the whole world! Right down here, ladies and gentlemen! Stop the Vegas-bound lovers and hit the twenty-five thousand dollar jackpot! You're just hovering up there like a lousy vulture hoping for a wreck!
- Curly Q. Brown: Well, if you have it, I'm going to report it because every time you turn around and fart, it's news.
- Sam Freeman: You can say anything you want, but just don't pinpoint us on the map.
- Curly Q. Brown: I've been in radio a long time, kiddo and you just don't let something like this go by. It's just too big.
- Preacher: Mrs. Hedgeworth!
- Officer Tad: [arrives just in time to restrain him] Freeze, mister!
- Preacher: You don't understand! I helped her bring back her son!
- Officer Tad: Buster, your crime spree's over!
- Preacher: Over, hell! That mother owes me twenty-five thousand dollars!
- Officer Tad: Well, you're gonna need every cent of it!
- Preacher: [yells in pain as Tad drags him away] You heathen!
- Vivian Hedgeworth: Darling, don't fret about her. She is socially inferior. The whole family is a rather trashy lot!
- Bigby Powers: Mrs. Hedgeworth, my daughter isn't socially inferior to anyone.
- Vivian Hedgeworth: You, sir, are an uncouth ass!
- Bigby Powers: Well, lady, your ass isn't exactly perfect, either!
- Collins Hedgeworth: [fuming] Sir, you just insulted my mother!
- [shoves Bigby]
- Bigby Powers: [shoves back] Your mother asked for it!
- [Collins begins making nonsensical karate moves and exhaling, but Bigby simply punches Collins in the mouth and he falls down]
- Vivian Hedgeworth: YOU SADISTIC BRUTE!
- Bigby Powers: I'm glad Paula didn't marry him! He's a flake!
- [walks away as a pained Collins begins flailing around uncontrollably]
- Officer Tad: [over megaphone] All right, listen up! This is Officer Norman Tad from Azuza! You'd better call a paddy wagon because all these people are wanted for grand theft auto and I'M ARRESTING EVERYONE!
- [the honeymoon truck Ace and Sparky stole hits the car Tad is standing on, causing him on fall onto the hood]
- Ace: [laughs] You lose, copper!
- Sparky: He fell right on his El Assolito!
- Collins Hedgeworth: Sir, I'd like to borrow your truck, It's an emergency! Well, if you don't want to sell it, I'll rent it. I'M DESPERATE!
- Farmer: So am I, feller!
- [He pushes Collins aside to enter the gas station's restroom]
- Rex: [after seeing his Volkswagen being driven off] Hey, man! Goddamn, Lupe! Some mother stole my goddamn wheels! I ain't gonna take that shit! I'm calling the police!
- Paula Powers: [noticing Collins driving alongside her and signaling her to put her window down] Oh, God!
- Sam Freeman: What's the matter?
- Paula Powers: It's Collins Hedgeworth.
- Sam Freeman: He looks a little frazzled. You want me to talk to him?
- Paula Powers: I will.
- [rolls down her window]
- Paula Powers: Collins, I don't need your help!
- Collins Hedgeworth: [holds up his riding crop] I'm here to save you!
- Paula Powers: I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but we're not engaged! We never were engaged!
- Collins Hedgeworth: Has he got a gun on you?
- Paula Powers: No! Please leave us alone!
- Collins Hedgeworth: Is there a bomb in the car?
- Sam Freeman: [Paula rolls her eyes and closes the window. Collins frantically bangs on the window with the riding crop as Sam crawls into the back seat and puts down the window] Look, it's obvious she doesn't want to talk to you, so why don't you just drop it?
- Collins Hedgeworth: I hesitate to do this with Paula in the car, but I am a superior driver and I'll batter you into submission if need be! I will bump you off this highway!
- Harold Hingleman: [when the bridge fails to explode and instead puts his father's car out of commission] Sweet Lord Jesus, Max! If he ain't dead, he's gonna kill us!
- Ned Slinker: [over phone] I need help, sir!
- Underworld Boss: Ned, you're a nice person, but it bothers me that you only call me when you're in trouble.
- Paula Powers: I'm gonna beat him to Vegas! Aren't you excited?
- Sam Freeman: Well, beating your old man doesn't really make my day. You know what I mean?
- Paula Powers: Well, you would if you knew him like I do.
- Sam Freeman: Well, it's a circus, Paula! We got a cockamamie circus on our hands!
- Paula Powers: I couldn't care less what my father thinks of you.
- Sam Freeman: Well, this whole thing between you and me. It makes me feel like I'm the man in the middle. I am! I'm the man in the middle!
- Paula Powers: Sam, why are you dragging your feet?
- Sam Freeman: Dragging my feet? I'm rushing to the chapel at a hundred miles an hour! You don't call that dragging my feet?
- Paula Powers: I don't like your attitude.
- Sam Freeman: Well, what do you expect, dog tricks?
- Bigby Powers: [fixing up a drink after punishing Paula] Well, I guess I shut off her hot little motor.
- [chuckles]
- Bigby Powers: From now on, she's not even gonna be allowed to cross the street without my permission.
- Preacher: [noticing Collins turning around the truck, thinking he is going to stop] Bless you, son! My prayers have been answered!
- [notices Collins is actually reversing his direction and almost hitting the preacher head-on]
- Preacher: Oh, my god!
- [he rams into a road sign and turns around to resume chasing him]
- Preacher: Lord help you, boy, if I ever catch up to you! Lord help you, boy!
- Paula Powers: [after Bigby throws Sam out of the house] How dare you call Sam Freeman a fortune hunter? He's an environmental research major!
- Bigby Powers: Come here. Let me show you something. I want to show you something.
- [he goes over to a display stand to unveil a red cloth revealing a vote for governor sign with Bigby's photo on it]
- Paula Powers: Dad, I already seen your picture.
- Bigby Powers: I have planning on this for seven years and I'd expect a little cooperation from you.
- Paula Powers: I'll do anything I can to help you, but...
- Bigby Powers: [throws the cloth down in frustration] Then forget Sam what's-his-face!
- Paula Powers: Dad...
- Bigby Powers: Collins Hedgeworth is the richest, the finest, the most suitable young man in the country.
- Paula Powers: He's a flake!
- Priscilla Powers: Oh, I think you're exaggerating!
- Paula Powers: I'm not marrying Collins Hedgeworth! I'm marrying Sam Freeman, just as soon as we get to Las Vegas!
- Bigby Powers: You do that and I'll disinherit you. I'll cut off your credit! I'll take away that goddamn sports car of yours!
- Paula Powers: No! I bought that myself with my own money!
- [she reaches for the keys on the table, but Bigby snatches them and laughs mockingly]
- Paula Powers: I'm going up to my room.
- Bigby Powers: Well, go to your room!
- Paula Powers: [after pulling in an abandoned junkyard to settle an argument] Do you want to go through with this or not?
- [Sam doesn't answer]
- Paula Powers: Well?
- Sam Freeman: Well, I don't think it should be what I want or what you want. I just think it should be what we both want, what's right for us.
- Paula Powers: That's what I've been trying to do.
- Sam Freeman: Yeah?
- Paula Powers: Yeah.
- Sam Freeman: You took your father's car, you didn't work it out with your ex-fiancee.
- Paula Powers: He was never my fiancee.
- Sam Freeman: Well, whatever he was, he turned the whole thing into a carnival! On top of that, you flatly refused to change our destination, even though we got, god knows, how many nuts out there trying to stop us. Now, let me tell you something, that was not US making those decisions.
- Paula Powers: [on the verge of tears] You're really making me mad, Sam.
- Sam Freeman: Did you ever think, as soon as you get over the excitement of defying your old man and beating him to Las Vegas...
- Paula Powers: Sam...
- Sam Freeman: No, just let me say this because this has been bothering me. Did you ever think that you might miss being rich because let me just tell you something, I couldn't care less about big cars or mansions or making a million dollars!
- Paula Powers: I couldn't either. I don't care about those things.
- Sam Freeman: Yes, you do! You grew up with those things. You're gonna miss those things. It's gonna bug you to be poor.
- Sam Freeman: Why are you so worried about money and my father? I thought we decided to get married, now you seemed to have changed your mind.
- Sam Freeman: Well, hell! We went this far, didn't we?
- [starts back to the car]
- Sam Freeman: Let's just go through with it, okay?
- Paula Powers: No! you go on without me!
- Sam Freeman: Will you get in the car?
- Paula Powers: Forget it! He really spoiled it for us!
- Sam Freeman: [firmly] Paula, get in this car!
- Paula Powers: [sobbing] No! Not until we make a decision! Now, if you don't have faith in our love and if you don't think it's strong enough to overcome the obstacles, then we shouldn't bother. The whole thing wasn't worth it!