Richard Narita: Willie Wang

Murder by Death

Willie Wang

Willie Wang: [as they are about to leave Twain Manor] ... I don't get something, Pop: WAS there a murder, or WASN'T there?
Sidney Wang: Yes: Killed good weekend. Drive, please.

Doctor Watson: [cutting-room floor-scene on the foggy road, near the movie's end; as the Wangs are departing from Twain Manor, they pass a vintage car heading up TO the Manor. The other car is driven by Holmes and Watson] ... I say, old boy! Could you possibly give us directions to - Hello, it's Mr. Sidney Wang!
Sherlock Holmes: [smoking his famous pipe] Greetings, Mr. Wang.
Sidney Wang: Ah, greetings to you as well! You have something to ask, I believe. Directions to where?
Doctor Watson: Ah, yes! We've been "cordially invited to dinner and a murder," by a Mr. Lionel Twain.
Willie Wang: *Lionel Twain?* Listen, you guys don't wanna...!
Sidney Wang: [cutting him off] Never mind him, please. Here - you go up this road, past bridge to "22 Twain." No can miss it.
Doctor Watson: Ever so much obliged. Good day, then!
[he and Holmes drive off]
Willie Wang: I don't get it, Pop! Why didn't you just tell them it was all a ripoff?
Sidney Wang: Ah, let idiots find out for themselves! Drive, please.

Willie Wang: [driving across rickety bridge] I don't think I'm gonna make it, Pop. It's gonna collapse.
Sidney Wang: Don't worry. Father find other way to house.

Willie Wang: [DELETED SCENE, RESTORED FOR TELEVISION - Willie rejoins the others after covering up Twain's body] ... I can't believe you missed it, Pop. The world's five greatest living detectives, and not one of you noticed that *Twain was clutching a note in his hand!*
Sidney Wang: Give it to me.
Willie Wang: Oh, no; it's mine.
Milo Perrier: Oh, give it to your father, you idiot!
Willie Wang: [gloating] "Idiot?" We'll see who's the idiot, Mr. Perrier! The $1 million goes to whoever solves the crime, and that could be me just as easily as you! I've got more brains than my father gives me credit for! "#3 Adopted Son?" I'm sick and tired of being just your #3 Adopted Son. I'm *Willie Wang, Young Detective!* This clue belongs to me, and nobody's getting it from me, you understand? Nobody...!
Sam Diamond: [with his gun leveled at Willie's head] Better stand back, Tess. I don't want you to get hurt when the bullet comes out his other ear.
[takes the note and reads]
Sam Diamond: "Please call dairy and cancel future deliveries of milk; Lionel Twain deceased."
[hands back the note]
Sam Diamond: So much for your clue, kid.
Willie Wang: [very sheepish] Uhm... Sorry about that, Dad.

Willie Wang: Some fog, eh, Pop?
Sidney Wang: I've already heard the weather report. Drive, please.
Willie Wang: It's as thick as pea soup. Not a soul around for miles. Know what l think? Perfect place for a murder.
Sidney Wang: Conversation like television set on honeymoon: unnecessary.
Willie Wang: Where are we going, anyway, Pop? Who is this Mr. Twain? What'd he mean, "dinner and a murder"?
Sidney Wang: Questions like athlete's foot: After a while, very irritating. To stop car, please.
Willie Wang: What's wrong?
Sidney Wang: Stop car, please. Shut engine off, please. Listen.
Willie Wang: I don't hear nothing. What do you hear?
Sidney Wang: Double negative and dog.

Sidney Wang: Someone gone great trouble to make welcome guests not so welcome. Ring bell, please.
Willie Wang: Are you nuts, Pop? Someone's tryin' to KILL us!
Sidney Wang: Yes! Should make exciting weekend. Ring, please.
Willie Wang: [sullen] I sure wish it was Monday morning.

Sidney Wang: I was adopted. I have my papers. That is why I have adopted all my children.
Willie Wang: I was wondering.
Sidney Wang: Oh, he loved me very much. But he was not very observant. One day, when I was 19, he call me to his study, notice for first time I was Oriental and kick me out of house.