- Trelkovsky: [while looking at himself in the mirror] Beautiful. Adorable. Goddess. Divine. Divine! I think I'm pregnant.
- Trelkovsky: Tell me, at what precise moment - does an individual stop being who he thinks he is?
- Stella: You know, I don't like complications.
- Trelkovsky: You cut off my arm. I say, "Me - and my arm." You cut off my other arm. I say, "Me and my two arms." You - take out - take out my stomach, my kidneys, assuming that were possible. And I say, "Me and my intestines." Do you follow me? And now, if you cut off my head - would I say, "Me and my head" or "Me and my body"? What right has my head to call itself me? What right?
- Stella: Why don't you take your tie off? You look like you're choking to death.
- Trelkovsky: I found a tooth in my apartment. It was in a hole.
- Trelkovsky: These days, relationships with neighbors can be... quite complicated. You know, little things that get blown up out of all proportion? You know what I mean?
- Stella's Friend: No, no I don't. I mind my own business.
- Trelkovsky: [talking to himself]
- [he opens a box and takes out a pair of shoes]
- Trelkovsky: Oh! My! Where did you find these? They are beautiful! A size 68? I had *no* idea!
- Trelkovsky: You want me to do it again? I shall do it again! You did not like it the first time.
- [shouts]
- Trelkovsky: Simone Choule does not disappoint!
- The Concierge: The previous tenant threw herself out of the window.
- [laughs]
- The Concierge: You can still see where she fell. Look.
- Priest: The dying. The icy tomb. Thou shalt return to the dust from whence thou came and only thy bones remain. The worms shall consume thine eyes, thy lips, thy mouth. They shall enter into thine ears, they shall enter into thy nostrils. Thy body shall putrefy unto its innermost recesses and shall give off a noisome stench. Yea, Christ has ascended into heaven and joined the host of angels on high. But not for creatures like you, full of the basest vice, yearning only for carnal satisfaction. How dare you pester me and mock at me to my very face?
- Trelkovsky: There is something odd going on in my building. I quite often see people in the toilets, on the other side of the courtyard.
- Simon: What are you? A peeping Tom, now?
- Scope: You mean, people together in the shithouse? Like an orgy?
- Trelkovsky: No, no, they just stand there for hours, you know? Absolutely dead still.
- Scope: They're obviously playing with themselves.
- Trelkovsky: Not at all.
- Simon: He just told you. They stand dead still. Can you play with yourself without moving?
- [last lines]
- Stella: You do recognise me, don't you? It's me. Stella. Your friend Stella. Don't you recognise me?
- Trelkovsky: Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to criticize your apartment, but the toilet is a problem. Suppose I got sick, which I don't often do, I can assure you of that, and I had to relieve myself in the middle of the night. It wouldn't be very convenient, would it?
- Trelkovsky: Could it have been a disappointment in love, perhaps? Something like that?
- Stella: Who with?
- Trelkovsky: I don't know. Some man.
- Stella: You know she wasn't interested in men.
- Trelkovsky: Oh, yes, I know, but - women as sensitive as she was, she is, I mean, often tend to have - much more complicated relationships than they seem to.
- Viviane - Office Worker: Would anybody mind if the subject were changed?
- Scope: And what do you want talk about then? Women's lib? Social security?
- Viviane - Office Worker: Oh, keep women's lib out of it, for chrissakes.
- Scope: Oh, yeah? Listen, have you looked at 'em? Have you looked at those militants? It's enough to turn you queer.
- Trelkovsky: Do you sell cigarettes?
- Cafe Owner: Yes. What would you like?
- Trelkovsky: Gauloises bleues, please.
- Georges Badar: Is this Simone Choule's apartment?
- Trelkovsky: Yes. It used to be. I'm the new tenant.
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