- [last lines]
- Tanner Boyle: Hey Yankees... you can take your apology and your trophy and shove 'em straight up your ass!
- Timmy Lupus: And another thing, just wait till next year!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Those boys aren't very rough. You won't get hurt.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: That's got nothing to do with it. I'm almost 12 and I'll... I'll be getting a bra soon.
- [Buttermaker stares. Amanda looks at her chest]
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Well, maybe in a year or so. I can't be playing all dumb baseball.
- Engelberg: You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engleberg. Now put that back before you get me in real trouble.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Listen, Lupus, you didn't come into this life just to sit around on a dugout bench, did ya? Now get your ass out there and do the best you can.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Look, Buttermaker, you're not my father and I'll not move an inch to play baseball for you any more. So why don't you get back into that sardine can of yours and go, go vacuum the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? I've got business to take care of. You're blocking my customers with your car.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [looks at Tanner's black eye] What the hell happened to you, Tanner?
- Engelberg: Tanner got into a fight
- [because of the first game loss]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who with?
- Engelberg: The 7th Grade.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What?
- Engelberg: [shouts] The 7th Grade.
- Engelberg: [helping Buttermaker clean pools] When we're through, can we go swimming?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: No! Don't jump in Engleberg, you'll flood the valley.
- [after the Bears lose 18-0]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Come on, fellas. Rome wasn't built in a day.
- Ogilvie: Yeah, it took several hundred years.
- Ahmad Abdul Rahim: [comes up to bat and turns to catcher] This is for Allah. And it's goin' way out there, sucka.
- [Ahmad gets hit in a "sensitive area" during a play]
- Coach Roy Turner: Cleveland! Stretcher!
- Jimmy Feldman: A stretcher for his balls?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What if he tries something?
- Amanda Whurlitzer: I'll handle it.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Rolling Stones, 11 years old.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: I know an 11-year-old girl who is already on the pill.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Don't ever say that word again.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Jesus! Just who in the heck you think you are?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: The goddamned manager, that's who!
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Big wow!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Jumping catfish! What a great arm! Who is that kid, anyway?
- Toby Whitewood: Of course he's got a great arm, Buttermaker. He's the best athlete in the area. But you don't understand, that's Kelly Leak.
- Ahmad Abdul Rahim: You guys talking about Kelly Leak?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Yeah.
- Ahmad Abdul Rahim: That dude is a bad mother. You talk about a loan shark. I borrowed a nickel from him last week. He said if I didn't give him a dime by Friday, he'd break my arm.
- Miguel Agilar: Es un bandido.
- Tanner Boyle: All we got on this team are a buncha Jews, spics, niggers, pansies, and a booger-eatin' moron!
- Ogilvie: Tanner, I think you need to be reminded from time to time that you are one of the few people on this team who is not a Jew, spic, nigger, pansy or a booger-eating moron. So you'd better cool it or we may be disposed to beat the crap out of you.
- [Amanda has been kicked in the chest]
- Amanda: I know I don't got a lot up there, but what I got sure don't feel too good.
- Tanner Boyle: We lost eighteen to nothin', Buttercrud, and the Athletics are the worst team in the league!
- Ahmad Abdul Rahim: *Second* worst...
- Tanner Boyle: Sorry, I forgot.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: We could use a good outfielder on our team
- Kelly: Oh you call what you got a team?
- Amanda Whurlitzer: What you got against baseball anyway?
- Kelly: Well the baseball you guys play is for faggots and old farts with nothing better to do with themselves.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Well you must like those kind of guys you sure do hang around the field often enough!
- Kelly: There's nice ass at the field, that's why I always hang around it.
- Jimmy Feldman: [team riding in Buttermaker's car to practice] If you were so great, how come you never made it to the major leagues?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Contract disputes.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [trying to console Ahmad after his errors in the first loss] There was nothing easy about those fly balls, Ahmad. They were tough chances! The sun was in your eyes!
- Ahmad Abdul Rahim: Don't give me none of your honky bullshit, Buttermaker. I know they were easy.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Let's not bring race into this, Ahmad. We got enough problems as it is.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Hey, can't you hold off of that until after practice?
- Engelberg: There's energy in chocolate. I need energy.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What's the matter with you? All season long you've been laughed at, crapped on. Now, you've got a chance to spit it back in their faces and what do you do? You're out there like a bunch of dead fish, not listening, bonehead plays, mistakes! I mean, don't you want to beat those bastards!
- [Long pause - Bears stare in silence back at Butterworth]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Alright, get out there now and - do the best you can.
- Toby Whitewood: [as Buttermaker distributes jock straps to the team] What about Amanda?
- Amanda Whurlitzer: You ain't strapping one of these things on me.
- Engelberg: Well, if she don't wear one, I don't wear one.
- Bad News Bears: Yeah!
- Tanner Boyle: Anyway, it's too small.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [handing out cups and supporters to the boys] There is one thing I forgot to tell you guys. It's a league rule: cups and supporters.
- [everyone complains]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Gotta be worn at all times.
- [more complaints]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Either you wear 'em or you don't wear 'em and you don't play.
- Jose Agilar: ¡Yo no me voy a poner esto! ¡Esto duele!
- [Throws his back in the box]
- Jose Agilar: ["I'm not going to wear this! It hurts!"]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What? What are you saying?
- Ogilvie: I've been brushing up on my Spanish of late, and I think he is saying something about, you know, his being Catholic, and it's a sin.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Oh, for Christ's sake.
- [hands it back to Jose]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [at batting practice] Hey, Ahmad - even Hank Aaron peels the ol' eyelids before he takes a swing!
- P.A. Announcer: [announcing Mets batter] Carl Paranski, Number 6...
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [yelling to Bears fielders] The cool Carl Paranski shift!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Well, your mother and I didn't got along too well, Amanda. I liked her very much, though. I still do. As a matter of fact I'm just not the marrying kind. But I guess I handled it badly, huh?
- Amanda Whurlitzer: You handled it like shit!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [leading team chant] A busted bat and a long fly ball...
- Bad News Bears: Any day now, Durocher will call!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [after team takes vote to quit the league] Do you want to quit, Tanner?
- Tanner Boyle: Crud, No! I want to play ball!
- Regi Tower: [Buttermaker passes out drunk during practise] Opening day's tomorrow! We don't know what the batting order is. We don't even have our positions set or anything.
- Tanner Boyle: All we got is a cruddy alky for a manager!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: There's chocolate all over this ball.
- Engelberg: Look, Mr. Buttermaker, quit buggin' me about food. People are always buggin' me about it. My shrink says that's why I'm so fat! So you're not doin' me any good, so just quit it!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Hey pusshead! Are you crazy? An intentional walk with the bases empty? This is baseball, not backgammon!
- Coach Roy Turner: My first baseman's lonely.
- Bad News Bears: Around them bases we shall roam!
- [hitting batting practice]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [yells to infield] All right, look alive! Let's get one out there!
- [to Engleberg]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Are you ready?
- [Buttermaker bunts in front of the plate]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Engleberg?
- Engelberg: [exasperated] What?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: That is a bunt - B-U-N-T. The catcher is supposed to pick up the bunt and throw it to first base.
- Engelberg: Well, how was I supposed to know? You made such a big deal yelling out to them.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [sighs] Diversionary tactic, Engleberg. Now get the ball...
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: All I know is when we win a game, it's a team win. When we lose a game, it's a team loss.
- Engelberg: [Takes half-empty pint of whiskey from Buttermaker's glove box and holds it up] You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engelberg. Now put it back before you get me into real trouble.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now, guys, somebody's gonna pay for this windshield. And I think, Engelberg, it's gonna be your father.
- Engelberg: Bullshit.
- Amanda: Twelve ballet lessons.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Nine ballet lessons. They're three dollars a shot, for cryin' out loud. I can't afford...
- Amanda: Twelve ballet lesson or no go.
- [takes Buttermaker's cigar and throws it out of the car]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What are you doin'? Give me that! Ah, I just lit that cigar. That's terrible. Make it nine ballet lessons...
- Amanda: I want the imported kind of jeans.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Jeans?
- Amanda: Yes.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What are you talking about.
- Amanda: French jeans.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: I'm not gettin' you any jeans.
- Amanda: French jeans.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: You know how many pools y'gotta clean...
- Amanda: Expensive kind.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: To get you a pair of imported jeans? What's a matter with American jeans?
- Amanda: I don't like 'em.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who do you think you are? Catfish Hunter?
- Amanda: Who's he?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Hey, Turner.
- Coach Roy Turner: Yeah?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What do you say we call this thing off? This is getting ridiculous. Okay?
- Coach Roy Turner: Well they're going to call it off in 15 minutes anyway so let me give you a little advice. Let your team stay out there. They'll be able to say they didn't give up. And you won't make quitters out of them.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: I'm calling this off right now.
- Coach Roy Turner: I was just thinking of your boys, that's all.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: The hell you were!
- Coach Roy Turner: The hell I wasn't. Look what I saw out there today made me sick, you know that? Your team has no right being on that field. Look at yourself, "Butterworth." look at that team. I mean, why don't you do this league a favor? You and the bears just drop out. I mean it. I mean just--just drop out. I mean it.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: It's a forfeit. We forfeit the game.
- Coach Roy Turner: "Butterworth."
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Hello, Roy.
- Coach Roy Turner: What's your boys doing out in the field?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Getting ready for a game with the Athletics.
- Coach Roy Turner: The Athletics? Haven't you heard? Councilman Whitewood told the league committee he's calling it quits.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: He is. We aren't.
- Coach Roy Turner: What are you, one of those sadists or something? Didn't those kids take enough of a beating on opening day? What the hell you trying to do?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Win the pennant. Here this schedule says that on the last day of the season, June 19th, the two best teams play for the title. We intend to be one of those teams. Be a lot of fun if you were the other. Two hands, Englebert, two hands!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: All right, boys. Let's go. Up. Everybody up. Practice. Come on! All right, all right. I'm an asshole. Go ahead and yell. Get it off your chests. I deserve it.
- Toby Whitewood: We really appreciate these new uniforms, Buttermaker, but we're not going to be needing them anymore. We've been taking a lot of razzing in school about opening day, and--and they were laughing at us, picking on us. Anyway, we took a vote and decided that we'd quit.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What the hell happened to you, Tanner?
- Engelberg: Tanner got into a fight because of it.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who with?
- Engelberg: The seventh grade.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What?
- Engelberg: The seventh grade.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: You took on the whole seventh grade? You want to quit, Tanner?
- Tanner Boyle: Crud, no. I want to play ball.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: I can understand how you guys feel. I haven't been much of a manager or much of anything else, for that matter. And I'm sorry. But this quitting thing--it's a hard habit to break once you start. You're a damn good bunch of boys. You probably deserved a lot better than me, but it looks like we're stuck with each other. Jimmy, grab a bat. Engelberg, get your gear on, get behind home plate.
- Toby Whitewood: What for?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: We need to practice.
- Engelberg: But we disbanded the team. We took a vote.
- [Buttermaker angrily throws their jerseys at them]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Goddamn it! Nobody's vote counts around here but mine! Get your gear on and get your fat ass behind the plate before I kick it up there. And the rest of you pansy-ass quitters, move your asses before I kick them all on deck. Get in position. We got a game with the Athletics next wednesday, and that means only one thing-- Bad news for the Athletics!
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Hey, Buttermaker! Maybe next spring you'll teach me how to hit.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: You bet.
- Kelly: [entering after everyone refuses to wear cups] If she doesn't wear one neither do I.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: What are you doing here?
- Kelly: Some asshole changed my mind
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