Gary Lee Cavagnaro credited as playing...
Engelberg
- Engelberg: You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engleberg. Now put that back before you get me in real trouble.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [looks at Tanner's black eye] What the hell happened to you, Tanner?
- Engelberg: Tanner got into a fight
- [because of the first game loss]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who with?
- Engelberg: The 7th Grade.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What?
- Engelberg: [shouts] The 7th Grade.
- Engelberg: [helping Buttermaker clean pools] When we're through, can we go swimming?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: No! Don't jump in Engleberg, you'll flood the valley.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Hey, can't you hold off of that until after practice?
- Engelberg: There's energy in chocolate. I need energy.
- Toby Whitewood: [as Buttermaker distributes jock straps to the team] What about Amanda?
- Amanda Whurlitzer: You ain't strapping one of these things on me.
- Engelberg: Well, if she don't wear one, I don't wear one.
- Bad News Bears: Yeah!
- Tanner Boyle: Anyway, it's too small.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: There's chocolate all over this ball.
- Engelberg: Look, Mr. Buttermaker, quit buggin' me about food. People are always buggin' me about it. My shrink says that's why I'm so fat! So you're not doin' me any good, so just quit it!
- [hitting batting practice]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [yells to infield] All right, look alive! Let's get one out there!
- [to Engleberg]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Are you ready?
- [Buttermaker bunts in front of the plate]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Engleberg?
- Engelberg: [exasperated] What?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: That is a bunt - B-U-N-T. The catcher is supposed to pick up the bunt and throw it to first base.
- Engelberg: Well, how was I supposed to know? You made such a big deal yelling out to them.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [sighs] Diversionary tactic, Engleberg. Now get the ball...
- Engelberg: [Takes half-empty pint of whiskey from Buttermaker's glove box and holds it up] You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engelberg. Now put it back before you get me into real trouble.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now, guys, somebody's gonna pay for this windshield. And I think, Engelberg, it's gonna be your father.
- Engelberg: Bullshit.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: All right, boys. Let's go. Up. Everybody up. Practice. Come on! All right, all right. I'm an asshole. Go ahead and yell. Get it off your chests. I deserve it.
- Toby Whitewood: We really appreciate these new uniforms, Buttermaker, but we're not going to be needing them anymore. We've been taking a lot of razzing in school about opening day, and--and they were laughing at us, picking on us. Anyway, we took a vote and decided that we'd quit.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What the hell happened to you, Tanner?
- Engelberg: Tanner got into a fight because of it.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who with?
- Engelberg: The seventh grade.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What?
- Engelberg: The seventh grade.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: You took on the whole seventh grade? You want to quit, Tanner?
- Tanner Boyle: Crud, no. I want to play ball.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: I can understand how you guys feel. I haven't been much of a manager or much of anything else, for that matter. And I'm sorry. But this quitting thing--it's a hard habit to break once you start. You're a damn good bunch of boys. You probably deserved a lot better than me, but it looks like we're stuck with each other. Jimmy, grab a bat. Engelberg, get your gear on, get behind home plate.
- Toby Whitewood: What for?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: We need to practice.
- Engelberg: But we disbanded the team. We took a vote.
- [Buttermaker angrily throws their jerseys at them]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Goddamn it! Nobody's vote counts around here but mine! Get your gear on and get your fat ass behind the plate before I kick it up there. And the rest of you pansy-ass quitters, move your asses before I kick them all on deck. Get in position. We got a game with the Athletics next wednesday, and that means only one thing-- Bad news for the Athletics!
- Joey Turner: Well, well, well, if it isn't Engelpuke.
- Engelberg: How'd you like me to stick this bat where the sun never shines, Turner!
- Joey Turner: Sit on it, fat ass.
- Engelberg: Shove it!