Paul Le Mat credited as playing...
John
- Carol: [John turns off the radio] Why did you do that?
- John Milner: I don't like that surfin' shit. Rock and roll's been going down hill ever since Buddy Holly died.
- Carol: Don't you think the Beach Boys are boss?
- John Milner: You would, you grungy little twirp.
- Carol: Grungy? You big weenie! If I had a boyfriend, he'd pound you.
- John Milner: Yeah, sure.
- Carol: Oh, rats. I thought some of my friends might be here.
- John Milner: Probably a couple of weeks past their bedtime.
- Carol: Oh, wait, there's Dee Dee. I hope she sees me.
- John Milner: Oh, shit. Dee Dee!
- John Milner: So, your Judy's little... Shit! How old are you?
- Carol: I'm old enough. How old are you?
- John Milner: I'm too old for you.
- Carol: You can't be that old.
- Carol: You're a regular J.D.
- John Milner: File that under uh, C.S. over there.
- [hands her the ticket Holstein just issued him]
- Carol: C.S.? What's that stand for?
- John Milner: Chicken shit - that's what it is.
- Carol: Oh.
- [puts the ticket in the glove compartment which is full of similar tickets]
- John Milner: Shit! Hey, get down!
- Carol: Hey, is this what they call "copping a feel"?
- John Milner: What? No, get up, N-O. Sheezus.
- Carol: What's your name?
- John Milner: My name? Mud, if anybody sees you.
- Girl in Cadillac: Hey! You got a bitchin' car.
- John Milner: Yeah, I know.
- Girl in Cadillac: In fact, your car's so neat, we're gonna give you our special prize. You want me to give it to you?
- John Milner: Sweetheart, if the prize is you, I'm a ready teddy.
- Girl in Cadillac: Well, get bent, turkey!
- [throws a water balloon which misses him and hits Carol]
- John Milner: [to a girl in a Studebaker] If you ever get tired of going steady with somebody that ain't around, I'm up for grabs.
- Bob Falfa: Hey man, I'm sorry if I scared ya!
- John Milner: You're gonna hafta do one hell of a lot more than that to scare me!
- Bob Falfa: Hey, I've been lookin' all over for ya, man. Didn't nobody tell ya I was lookin' for ya?
- John Milner: Man, I can't keep track of all you punks runnin' 'round here backwards.
- Bob Falfa: Hey you're s'posed to be the fastest thing in the Valley man, but that can't be your car, it must be your mama's car! I'm sorta' embarrassed to be this close to ya!
- John Milner: Yeah, well I'm not surprised, drivin' a field car!
- Bob Falfa: Field car? What's a field car?
- John Milner: A field car runs through the fields, droppin' cow shit all over the place to make the lettuce grow.
- Bob Falfa: Ha ha! That's pretty good! Say, I like the color of your car there, man. What's that s'posed to be? Sort of a cross between piss yella' and puke green, ain't it?
- John Milner: Well, you call that a paint job, but it's pretty ugly. I bet you got to sneak up on the pumps just to get a little air in your tires!
- Bob Falfa: Well at least I don't have to pull over to the side just to let a funeral go by, man.
- John Milner: Oh ho, funny!
- [last lines]
- John Milner: I know, uh... you probably think you're a big shot, goin' off like this...
- John Milner: [he slaps Curt] ... but you're still a punk.
- Curt Henderson: OK, John... So long... So long!
- [Steve, Terry, Laurie and John wish Curt goodbye]
- Terry Fields: Have a good trip!
- Laurie Henderson: Bye, Curt. Good-bye!
- Carol: [after being hit with a water balloon] Very funny. What a chop! Ha-ha! Quit laughing! Let's catch 'em at the light. Jump out and flatten their tires.
- John Milner: Wait a minute.
- Carol: Just do as I say!
- John Milner: Alright, boss.
- John Milner: What the hell's goin' on here, Toad? Hey, man, are you all right?
- Terry Fields: Yeah, I'll die soon, then it'll all be over, John.
- Debbie Dunham: Wow, you're just like the Lone Ranger.
- John Milner: Yeah, yeah. Listen, are you with him?
- Terry Fields: You're talking to the woman I love.
- John Milner: What happened, man?
- John Milner: [to Carol] Hey! Driving is a serious business. I ain't having no accidents just because of you!
- Station Attendant: Took the header plugs off, eh? Expectin' some action?
- John Milner: Yeah, I think so. There's some punk lookin' for me.
- Station Attendant: Why the hell do they bother? You've been number one as long as I can remember.
- John Milner: Yeah. Been a long time, ain't it? I'll see ya.
- Carol: Good, a cop. I'm going to tell him you tried to rape me.
- John Milner: Oh, no, no. Hey...
- Carol: It's past my curfew. I'm going to tell him how old I am, my parents don't know I'm out and you tried to rape me.
- John Milner: Yeah, don't say anything.
- Carol: Boy, are you up a creek.
- Terry Fields: Oh, that was beautiful, John. Just beautiful.
- John Milner: I was losing man.
- Terry Fields: What?
- [John and Falfa arrive at Paradise Road for their drag race. John then suddenly notices that Laurie is with Falfa]
- John Milner: Hey, Laurie, what in hell are you doin' in there?
- [to Falfa]
- John Milner: Is she gonna ride with you?
- Laurie Henderson: Mind your own business, John!
- Bob Falfa: Yeah, she's goin' with me. You take care of yourself, man.
- Curt Henderson: Why is it every girl that comes around here is ugly? Or has a boyfriend? Where is the dazzling beauty I've been searching for all my life?
- John Milner: Yeah, I know what you mean. The pickin's are really gettin' slim. The whole strip is shrinking! Ah, you know, I remember about five years ago, take you a couple of hours and a tank full of gas just to make one circuit. It was really somethin.'