Richard Towers credited as playing...
Dr. John Collingwood
- Estelle Collingwood: Are you folks on vacation?
- Krug Stillo: No, we're sort of, um, on a business trip.
- Dr. John Collingwood: Well what sort of business are you in?
- Fred "Weasel" Podowski: Plumbing.
- Krug Stillo: Insurance.
- Estelle Collingwood: Well, which is it?
- Sadie: You see, we're actually in both. We sell insurance to plumbing companies. You know, in case they steal some toilets or something.
- Dr. John Collingwood: You call the repair service?
- Estelle Collingwood: Mmhmmm.
- Dr. John Collingwood: Well did you tell them I was a physician and had to have a phone?
- Estelle Collingwood: No, actually I told them you were an international bookie, and I was ten-months pregnant with quintuplets!
- Dr. John Collingwood: [looking at Mari's shirt] Hey, no bra?
- Mari: Of course not! Nobody wears those anymore!
- Estelle Collingwood: Nobody except us drill sergeants.
- Dr. John Collingwood: Yeah, but look, Estelle. You can see her nipples as plain as day!
- Mari: Daddy, don't be so clinical!
- Dr. John Collingwood: But it's immodest!
- Mari: Then I'll get some sandpaper!
- Estelle Collingwood: [annoyed] Look, young lady, when I was your age...
- Mari: When you were my age, you all wore brassieres that made your tits stick out like torpedoes or something.
- Dr. John Collingwood: Tits! What's this "tits" business? Sounds like I'm back in the barracks.
- Mari: Alright, then - mammary glands! They used to tie them up like little lunatics in straightjackets, and they stuffed socks in their bras.
- Estelle Collingwood: Mari!
- Mari: You told me that yourself, Mother.
- Estelle Collingwood: If God had meant women to go around with their bust exposed, Mari Collingwood, He wouldn't have given us clothes!
- Krug Stillo: Are you sure we're not going to put you folks to any trouble?
- Dr. John Collingwood: Oh, nonsense! Our home is yours.