James Garner credited as playing...
Latigo Smith
- Latigo: This your office?
- Doc Schultz: I doctor pack mules, too. If you got a pain in the ass, you come see Doc Schultz.
- Jug: You know, I may not have too much of a chance with Swifty Morgan. But suppose I down him?
- Latigo: Well, suppose you don't? And the odds are a thousand to one you won't. Well, you'll just end up an unknown character under a wooden cross on Boot Hill.
- Jug: Well, everybody winds up dead sooner or later.
- Latigo: Well, the smart ones try to postpone it as long as possible.
- Jug: He called me "Swifty."
- Latigo: Yeah, that's short and friendly for Swifty Morgan. That's who they think you are. And they're willin' to PAY to back up that mistaken idea.
- Jug: [Shocked] I'm supposed to pretend I'm Swifty Morgan?... Good Bye!
- Latigo: They're willin' to pay!
- Jug: How much?
- Latigo: Thousand dollars. We'll split it fifty-fifty. That means FOUR HUNDRED for you.
- Jug: [Ponders for a second] Seems fair. But I think that...
- Latigo: No, no you don't. That's part of the deal. I do the thinkin'. You stand around and look tough.
- Latigo: [Annoyed that Jug has just used up the 100 dollars he had given him earlier, including giving much of it to some woman] You gave her the money?
- Jug: Seemed like the thing to do...
- Latigo: But, you idiot! Don't you know that's the surest way to make an enemy out of a woman, givin' her money?
- Jug: [Confused] It is?
- Latigo: Oh, I learned that a long time ago.
- Taylor Barton: [Upon seeing Lat Smith and Jug] Young man, about that job I want you to do...
- Latigo: [Annoyed] I told you not to bother me, mister.
- Jug: [Eagerly] The man said something about a job!
- Latigo: I don't like work. It tires me out.
- Latigo: A man's gotta' be numb on both ends to earn his livin' sittin' on a horse. I just don't like horses.
- Latigo: Well, there's one thing that don't change about women. That's the fact that... they're changeable.
- Doc Schultz: Where'd you learn so much about women?
- Latigo: I worked at it.
- Latigo: [Adressing both Jenny and Goldie in the saloon] Let's keep the record straight. I'm not your Lat. I'm neither one's Lat. I'm sorry if I caused you any grief. I'm sorry I took your money. Now, I'm gonna' tell you something. It's about love. Love don't work, unless both people give. You gotta' give till it hurts.
- [One of them promptly smashes a chair over his head; huge bar brawl ensues, just like in Western movies]
- Doc Schultz: [Latigo has come to the doctor for medical consultation] What's your problem?
- Latigo: Uh, Doc... Promise you won't tell anybody, huh?
- Doc Schultz: On my hypocritic oath!
- Mrs. Perkins: [Having led Taylor Barton and his associates to Latigo Smith's room] They come sneakin' in here lookin' at the register tryin' to find the room number of Mr. Smith. I tried to tell 'em I got four Smiths.
- Latigo: Well, thank you Mrs. Perkins, uh, we wouldn't wanna' keep you from your work.
- Mrs. Perkins: I suppose the way they come sneakin' in here that you're another one of them gunfighters that these stupid jackass miners keep hirin' around here. I suppose they're gonna' hire you, so that you can shoot some mother's son and then some other mother's son can shoot you.
- Taylor Barton: Martha, for the love of heaven, unhinge your jaw and depart!
- Mrs. Perkins: You see now why I DEMAND my rent in advance every day? Harrumph... Another "Smith." Just more of 'em comin' all the time getting' themselves killed off...
- [Mrs. Perkins departs, muttering to herself]
- Latigo: I don't like anything west of Riverside Drive.
- Patience: Where's that?
- Latigo: New York City.
- Patience: On the Hudson River?
- Latigo: Yeah, born and raised there.
- Patience: Tell me about it!
- Latigo: Tell you what about it?
- Patience: ALL!
- Latigo: Well let's see, they, they don't carry guns. And they got a cop on every street corner to keep people from shootin' one another.
- Jug: I may not have much of a chance with Swifty Morgan, but suppose I down him?
- Latigo: Well, supposing you don't? And the odds are 1,000 to 1 that you won't. You'll just end up an unknown character under a wooden cross on Boot Hill.
- Jug: Everybody winds up dead sooner or later.
- Latigo: Well, us smart ones try to postpone it as long as possible!
- 'Swifty' Morgan: You there in the saloon! This is Swifty Morgan. Come on out.
- Latigo: [Appears in the street atop a jackass rigged with loads of dynamite] I already am.
- 'Swifty' Morgan: What the hell do you think you're doing?
- Latigo: I'd aim high. You hit this dynamite, Like as not, you'll blow the whole town up. You along with it.
- 'Swifty' Morgan: You trying to make a fool out of me?
- Latigo: No. I'm trying to kill you, Mr. Morgan.
- 'Swifty' Morgan: You can't gunfight a man sitting on your ass.
- Latigo: As a matter of fact, it doesn't belong to me. Uh, belongs to Taylor Barton. I stole it.
- 'Swifty' Morgan: Like you stole my name.
- Latigo: Sorry about that.
- 'Swifty' Morgan: Not as sorry as you're gonna' be. Swifty Morgan only hits what Swifty Morgan shoots at.
- Latigo: I'm sorry about that, too.
- Latigo: Patience, there are some things a man just can't ride around... but then again, maybe he can.