The Benny Hill Show (1969–1989)
Benny Hill: Various, Self - Host, Self, B.A. Baracus, John 'Hannibal' Smith, Orson Buggy
Photos
Quotes
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Nicholas Parsons : Are Thames executives against attractive nude women?
Fred Scuttle : Not as often as they'd like to be!
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Commercial voiceover : Been having late night snacks again? That's a washing up job.
Woman Washing Dishes : [cheerfully] Not really. You see, I use Sunbright Lemon Liquid.
Commercial voiceover : Sunbright?
Woman Washing Dishes : Yes. Sunbright. Makes everything so lovely and clean.
Commercial voiceover : Clean?
Woman Washing Dishes : Yes. It contains lemon juice.
Commercial voiceover : Lemon Juice?
Woman Washing Dishes : Yes, Lemon juice. That's what gives it its nice sparkle.
Commercial voiceover : Sparkle?
Woman Washing Dishes : Yes, sparkle. Makes everything come up lovely and fresh.
Commercial voiceover : Fresh?
Woman Washing Dishes : [completely irritated] Yes, fresh, are you bloody stupid or something?
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Mervyn Cruddy : I don't care what anybody says, you know, about these common-market Romeos, for my money the greatest lover in the world is the Englishman.
Andree Melly : Well, surely it's the Frenchman who has that reputation, the way he'll kiss a girls hand, and then her cheek, her neck, and then here ears...
Mervyn Cruddy : By that time, the Englishman's coming home from his honeymoon, I'd say!
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Sheriff Bill Jardine : Hey, do we know Ace Dickey?
Deputy Leroy : Yeah. Did five years for statutory rape.
Sheriff Bill Jardine : Why now, anybody who rapes a statue deserves what he gets!
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Traveller : I say, is this Platt's Bottom?
Toddy : No, it's not, it's mine!
Traveller : Well, where do I find Platt's Bottom?
Toddy : Well, you don't start from there!
Traveller : Well, which direction is it?
Toddy : I don't know.
Paddy : Me neither.
Traveller : You're not very bright, are you?
Chirpy Chuckles : No, but we ain't lost!
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[Andree Melly talks to Mervyn Cruddy at the N.F.T]
Andree Melly : I think for me, the most memorable moment in films was when you played the doctor to that sick family.
Mervyn Cruddy : "Inherit the Wind." Yes, I remember.
Andree Melly : Opposite Margaret Lockwood's nurse . . .
Mervyn Cruddy : That's right. Yes, I know what you're going to say, the scene in the operating theatre.
Andree Melly : That's the scene. You kissed her when she least expected it.
Mervyn Cruddy : I beg your pardon?
Andree Melly : You kissed her when she least expected it.
Mervyn Cruddy : Oh, I thought you said 'where'.
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Henry McGee : [referring to Scuttle's fellow astronaut] How old is he?
Captain Fred Scuttle : Fifty-eight. He's a late developer.
Henry McGee : He looks older.
Captain Fred Scuttle : Well, he worries a lot.
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Fanny Craddock : But first of all, we must put in just a little tiny spot of absinthe.
Johnny Craddock : 'Cause absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!
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Director Sam Speiler : [reminiscing about an actress who was in one of his films] Oh God, she couldn't sing, she couldn't dance, she couldn't act . . .
Lesley Goldie : Well, what could she do?
Director Sam Speiler : With difficulty, stand up!
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[repeated lines, with Benny as a man with a heavy Chinese accent, and Bob Todd as an Indian gentleman who politely misunderstands almost everything]
Chinese Man : Don't you know the Queen's English?
Indian Man : Oh, I'm sure she is.
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Various : A shy young maid came down to stay down at our village inn./ The bedroom light was oh so bright, the curtain oh so thin./ At nine o'clock she enters her room, at half past nine she sleeps./ Lord Clarendon walks quickly by, But naughty Samuel Pepys.