Richard Wattis: Northbrook

The Prince and the Showgirl

Northbrook

Elsie Marina: [dressing] Say, is it all right over the you-know-what?
Fanny: [Fanny looking at Elsie's fanny] It's wonderful over the you-know-what.
Fanny: [Northbrook comes out from behind screen] What do you think?
Northbrook: Very nice.
Fanny: Is that all you can say?
Northbrook: Very nice indeed.

Northbrook: Aren't you confusing this embassy with a private room at Romano's?
Elsie Marina: Why not? Except up there it's a longer run from the sofa to the door.

Northbrook: It all goes back to the Holy Roman Empire. The Grand Duke is a nephew by marriage of the Emperor Franz Josef of Austria.
Fanny: No wisecracks about Austria.
Northbrook: I sincerely hope, no wisecracks about anything. In these troubled times, the lightest remark can have bad repercussions.
Fanny: I can see the history books: "The War of Elsie's Remark."

The Foreign Office: Do you mean to say, Northbrook, that you know nothing about Carpathia whatever?
Northbrook: Don't even know where the beastly place is, for a start.
The Foreign Office: How long have you been in the foreign office?
Northbrook: 15 years, sir, but I'm in the Far Eastern Department.
The Foreign Office: Now, that's no excuse. What would you think if I knew nothing of Siam?
Northbrook: Don't think I'd mind much.
The Foreign Office: That sort of remark will get you nowhere, Northbrook.
Northbrook: Not even out of this job?
The Foreign Office: Certainly not! Your predecessor has had a riding accident and you are now in his saddle.

Charles, the Prince Regent: She cannot be seen here at this hour of the morning. She will make a scandal. Suppose the Queen sees her like that?
Northbrook: I'm sure, Sir, her sense of comme il faut...
Northbrook: She has as much sense of comme il faut as a rhinoceros.

Charles, the Prince Regent: You know, Northbrook, what I think is the trouble with Lady Sunningdale?
Northbrook: She has not enough love in her life, Sir?
Charles, the Prince Regent: Too much. One should keep a balance in these things.

Northbrook: Do I gather, Sir, that the evening was not an entirely happy one?
Charles, the Prince Regent: Northbrook, this British understatement of yours, I begin to find irritating. The evening was an unqualified nightmare.
Northbrook: I'm so sorry, Sir.
Charles, the Prince Regent: I have only one evening in London. One single evening in which to arrange for myself relaxation. And what happens? Out of the whole of this vast, teeming city, teeming with beautiful, intelligent women, you find me what? A little American ninnycompoop.
Northbrook: With respect, Sir, either ninny, by itself, or nincompoop.
Charles, the Prince Regent: Ninnycompoop will serve. She fully deserves a new word.

Charles, the Prince Regent: To think how overjoyed Lucy Sunningdale would have been if I had asked her to have a little supper with me here last night.
Northbrook: I have to remind your Grand Duke Highness, I think I heard you remark that you found Lady Sunningdale 'old hat'.
Charles, the Prince Regent: I have no doubt at all that I did. Nevertheless, my dear Northbrook, there is an old Russian saying: "Better an old hat than a bare head."

Charles, the Prince Regent: She's here in the building?
Northbrook: Yes, Sir. She is with the King in the steward's room.
Charles, the Prince Regent: What is it they are doing in the steward's room?
Northbrook: She is teaching the King an American dance called a foxtrot. Your valet Franz is playing for them, with one or two others of the household. In ragtime.