- Mrs. Madeline Shaeffer: I'm here to see my son.
- Military Policeman: Yes, ma'am. What outfit is he in?
- Mrs. Madeline Shaeffer: Outfit? I suppose just the regular thing a soldier wears.
- Military Policeman: I mean what company is he in ma'am?
- Mrs. Madeline Shaeffer: Well, only the best, I'm sure. He was never a boy to run around.
- Capt. Genaro: The 11th Regiment of the 5th Division. The 11th Regiment has been in business since 1798. We've fought everything from Comanche Indians to Hitler's elite troops. We fought at Shiloh and at the Argonne. We're proud of this outfit. We expect you people to uphold its standards and its traditions.
- Capt. Genaro: You ever heard of Army Regulation 615-368?
- Andy L. Shaeffer: No, sir.
- Capt. Genaro: Well, I'll read it to you.
- Capt. Genaro: OK. Now, you can get out of the Army under this regulation. But before you make up your mind, I want to tell you this. It is not an honorable discharge. It's a discharge under conditions other than honorable. It'll be on your record as long as you live.
- Army Psychiatrist: Ever have depressions or spells of melancholy?
- Andy L. Shaeffer: I'm unhappy right now.
- Army Psychiatrist: Do you like girls?
- Andy L. Shaeffer: Of course. But do we have time?
- Susan Daniels: Why do you go to college, Andy?
- Andy L. Shaeffer: Why do you think? To stay in the upper half of my class, thus keeping my draft board happy. First I get my B.A., then my Masters, then I go to law school, and all the while, well, Uncle Sam he's just gonna have to wait for me.
- Susan Daniels: You've really got it made, don't you?
- Andy L. Shaeffer: I've got six years to go. You know, if my Dad's money holds out long enough, I might wind up being the oldest pupil on campus.
- Susan Daniels: [Stops him from kissing her passionately] Stop, Andy. Let's just look at the ocean.
- Andy L. Shaeffer: [Frustrated] I've seen the ocean before.
- Susan Daniels: I believe that indolence is a vice. And I believe that you were secretly unhappy being slothful. I believe that one day you are going to do a genuinely unselfish act you and the bells will ring for you because you will be happy.
- Andy L. Shaeffer: Oh, honey, this is old Andy, remember?
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