Angela Lansbury: Princess Gwendolyn

The Court Jester

Princess Gwendolyn

Princess Gwendolyn: Marry Griswold? Never!
King Roderick: What was that?
Princess Gwendolyn: He's a brute and a lout.
King Roderick: Brute or not, lout or not, if it pleases me you will marry Griswold.
Princess Gwendolyn: If it pleases you so much, you marry Griswold.

Princess Gwendolyn: If my father hears of this our necks will snap like twigs!
[she snaps her fingers, causing Griselda's spell to break and Hawkins to start panicking]
Hawkins: Uh, like what?
Princess Gwendolyn: Twigs!
[she snaps again, putting the spell back in place and Hawkins to stop panicking]
Hawkins: Twigs? Speak not of twigs when you look at an oak! Until tonight, my little sapling.

King Roderick: Take the witch out and burn her!
Princess Gwendolyn: Harm one hair on her head and I throw myself from the highest turret!
King Roderick: Gwendolyn, you go too far.

Princess Gwendolyn: I've seen this monster and it's not for nothing he's called the grim, grisly, and gruesome Griswold.
King Roderick: Grim, grisly, or gruesome, you marry Griswold.

Princess Gwendolyn: When I marry, I marry for love. Someone dashing and romantic who will carry me off as a princess should be carried off.
King Roderick I: Ah, who fills your head with this childish fiddle-faddle?
[spotting Griselda]
King Roderick I: Ah, I know. Griselda. She of the evil eye.

King Roderick I: My kingdom seething with revolt. Cutthroats and assassins in every tree! Why must I be surrounded by fools? Ravenhurst. Ravenhurst!
Ravenhurst: Sire.
King Roderick I: Could you have been so incompetent, bungled so horribly as to have permitted that child to live?
Ravenhurst: Sire, there is no child. My men assure me that none of the royal family escaped alive. Believe me, sire, this is nonsense.
King Roderick I: Nonsense? You call it nonsense, Ravenhurst? Is it nonsense that I cannot ride in my own domain without being murderously attacked? My child, I came within an inch of my life.
Princess Gwendolyn: [assuming he's overreacting] Oh, Father.

Princess Gwendolyn: So this is Giacomo, king of jesters and jester of kings.
Hawkins: Not today, milady. Today I am Giacomo, a lover of beauty. And a beauty of a lover.
Princess Gwendolyn: Can this be true, or is it merely a dream?
Hawkins: Dream? Is this a dream?
[kissing her hand]
Hawkins: Or this?
[kissing her fingers]
Hawkins: Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this?

Princess Gwendolyn: We are strangers, hardly met. What manner of man are you, Giacomo?
Hawkins: What manner of man is Giacomo? Ha ha! I shall tell you what manner of man is he. He lives for a sigh. He dies for a kiss. He lusts for a laugh. Ha! He never walks when he can leap.
[jumping and bouncing on her bed, then jumping off]
Hawkins: He never flees when he can fight. He swoons at the beauty of a rose, and I offer myself to you, all of me; my heart, my lips, my legs, my calves. Do what you will. My love endures.
[kissing up her arm and over her head]
Hawkins: Beat me. Kick me.
[kissing down her other arm]
Hawkins: I am yours.
Princess Gwendolyn: Oh, Giacomo, you are so ardent.
Hawkins: With your permission, milady, I'd like to go around again.

King Roderick I: The key to the secret passage.
Princess Gwendolyn: Father, let me have it.
King Roderick I: So you'd run away, would you? Well, you trick me not. This key will never leave my person. You will marry Griswold upon the morrow, and I promise you, daughter or not, princess or not, one move, one false move, and your neck will snap like a twig.
Hawkins: [as the King snaps, he steps out from his hiding place] Where is he? Giacomo hides not behind drapes!

King Roderick I: I've just met Griswold's emissary, and the marriage is approved.
Princess Gwendolyn: You know very well, Father, that when I marry, I marry only for love.
King Roderick I: I knew you'd say that. Now, Gwendolyn, do be reasonable. Don't you realize that without this alliance, our power, our prestige, our position could go like that?
[as he snaps, Griselda's spell on Hawkins is put back in place; he steps out of his hiding place, ready for action]
Princess Gwendolyn: Well, then let it go like that.
[as she snaps, the spell is broken, and Hawkins returns to hiding]
King Roderick I: I wish you to marry Griswold.
Princess Gwendolyn: And suppose I do not wish to marry Griswold?
[she snaps again, and the spell is put back in place; Hawkins steps out once again]
King Roderick I: I don't give a fig for your wishes.
[he snaps, and the spell is broken again]
Princess Gwendolyn: Well, I don't give a fig for yours.
[she snaps, and the spell is put back in place yet again]
King Roderick I: No one snaps at the king.
[he snaps, and Hawkins returns to his hiding spot]
King Roderick I: Don't you dare snap at me.
Princess Gwendolyn: I'll snap if I choose.
[she snaps, and Hawkins steps out again]
King Roderick I: Don't snap at me.
Princess Gwendolyn: [snapping] I will snap.