Cary Grant credited as playing...
Dr. Barnaby Fulton
- Barnaby: Hello, Griffith Park Zoo, Snake Department. Sssshhh!
- Oliver Oxley: Hello? Hello? What is this?
- Barnaby: What do you want?
- Oliver Oxley: This is Mr Oxley.
- Barnaby: I'll see if he's here.
- Oliver Oxley: No, I said *this* is Oxley!
- Barnaby: Who is?
- Oliver Oxley: I am, speaking!
- Barnaby: Oh, you're Mr. Speaking...
- Oliver Oxley: This is Mr. Oxley speaking!
- Barnaby: Oxley Speaking? Any relation to Oxley?
- Oliver Oxley: Barnaby Fulton is that you?
- Barnaby: Who's calling?
- Oliver Oxley: I am, Barnaby!
- Barnaby: Oh, no, you're not Barnaby. I'm Barnaby! I ought to know who I am.
- Oliver Oxley: This is Oxley speaking, Barnaby!
- Barnaby: No, that's ridiculous! You can't be all three. Figure out which one you are and call me back!
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: By the way, whose lipstick is it?
- Barnaby: Oh, uh, what's her names? Oxley's secretary.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Oh, you mean that little pin up girl? Very cute.
- Barnaby: Sort of. But half infant.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Not the half that's visible.
- Barnaby: [Lois is exposing a beautiful leg to show Barnaby the "new non-rip plastic stockings" he invented. Mr. Oxley enters and is startled] Miss Laurel was just showing me her acetates.
- Barnaby: Well, all set? Is you motor running?
- Lois Laurel: Is your motor running?
- Barnaby: Is yours? Takes awhile to warm up.
- Lois Laurel: It does, me too.
- Barnaby: Well, watch your head. I'll watch everything else!
- Hank Entwhistle: Well, I can only tell you, Mrs. Fulton. If you had been smart enough to marry me instead of...
- [points at Barnaby]
- Hank Entwhistle: this, you wouldn't be in the kitchen cooking.
- Barnaby: No? Where would she be cooking?
- Barnaby: I have a new formula.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Now barnaby, if you start that all over again, so help me, I'll...
- Barnaby: Oh, I like that dress, yes.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Oh, you do.
- Barnaby: Uh-huh.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Alright, what's the new formula?
- Barnaby: Well, it doesn't come in packages or bottles. You're old only when you forget you're young.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Come on, say some more.
- Barnaby: Hmmm, it's a word you keep in your heart, a light you have in your eyes, someone you hold in your arms.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: My, I'm glad I'm going out with you tonight.
- Barnaby: Umph! I'm beginning to wonder if being young is all it's cracked up to be. We dream of youth. We remember it as a time of nightingales and valentines. But what are the facts? Maladjustment, near idiocy, and a series of low comedy disasters. That's what youth is. I don't see how anyone survives it.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I remember we didn't wanna share each other with anyone. You were so sweet. Remember how the telephone kept ringing for hours and hours and hours?
- [doorbell rings]
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I'll get it.
- Barnaby: You see what I mean? Tonight were answering calls.
- Lois Laurel: Hi Dr Fulton.
- Barnaby: Hi.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: What did you say to her?
- Lois Laurel: Mrs Fulton. He said "hi".
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I heard what he said, you peroxide kissing bug!
- Barnaby: Edwina, she hasn't done anything.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I'll pull that blonde hair out by its black roots!
- Barnaby: Edwina! Now come along. Miss Laurel, you keep out of the way.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Put 'em up!
- Oliver Oxley: [Miss Laurel opens door] I told you I didn't want any calls.
- Lois Laurel: Mr. Oxley, Dr. Linten's on the phone. I told him you were busy but he says it's very important.
- Oliver Oxley: Who is he?
- Lois Laurel: He...
- Barnaby: He's my new assistant.
- Oliver Oxley: Oh, yes. Just a moment, Miss Laurel. Find someone to type this.
- Lois Laurel: Oh, Mr. Oxley, can't I try again?
- Oliver Oxley: No, it's very important. Better find somebody to type it for you.
- Lois Laurel: Yes, sir.
- [Walks to door and closes it]
- Oliver Oxley: Anybody can type.
- [picks up telephone receiver]
- Oliver Oxley: Who did she say was calling?
- Barnaby: Dr. Linten.
- Oliver Oxley: Oh, yes.
- [Speaks to Dr. Linten through receiver]
- Oliver Oxley: Yes, Dr. Lintel? Yes? I know he's not there. Dr. Fulton is here with me. Ye - what? Really? What sort of reactions? Why, that's amazing! We'll be right there. Come on, Barnaby. You've done better work than you know.
- [Both run to door. Mr. Oxley opens door]
- Oliver Oxley: Come along, Miss Laurel. It's amazing.
- Barnaby: What's amazing?
- Oliver Oxley: Dr. Whatchamacallit says one of your monkeys broke loose. We've got to hurry.
- Barnaby: Alright. Now say terrify.
- Lois Laurel: Terrify.
- Barnaby: Now say tissue.
- Lois Laurel: tissue.
- Barnaby: Now say them both fast together.
- Lois Laurel: Terrify tissue?
- Barnaby: [burst in laughs]
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: [acting like 8 years olds after taking some of the formula]
- [picks up paint brush and paints Barnaby]
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I'll tell my mother!
- Dr. Barnaby Fulton: [picks up his own paint brush and paints Edwina] Here's one for your mother.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: [gets more paint on her brush and paints Barnaby again] I'll tell Hank Entwhistle!
- Dr. Barnaby Fulton: [gets more paint and paints Edwina again] Here's two for Hank Entwhistle.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Don't you remember anything?
- Barnaby: Well, sure, the last thing... I was scalping Hank Entwhistle.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Oh, darling! Stop by the automobile agency. Mr Peabody just called and says he had a very good buy
- Barnaby: A good buy? Well, good bye to you!
- Barnaby: At 11:52 this morning I took a dose of the formula,and in a few minutes, I began to behave like a college boy with 20/20 vision and no bursitis.
- Barnaby: Do you regret not having married him?
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Look who's talking! What about Elvira Bliss?
- Barnaby: Oh, for heaven's sake. Elvira Bliss. That was in grammar school.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I know. She was the teacher.
- Barnaby: Now, Edwina, we drove all the way down here to enjoy ourselves and to pursue an important scientific experiment at the same time.