W.C. Fields credited as playing...
Harold Bissonette
- Harry Payne Bosterly: You're drunk!
- Harold: And you're crazy. But I'll be sober tomorrow and you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.
- Insurance Salesman: How old are you?
- Harold: None of your business.
- Insurance Salesman: I'd say you were a man about 50.
- Harold: You would say that.
- [at breakfast, Norman takes the plate of bacon before Harold can get it]
- Harold: Hey, put it down!
- Norman: What's the matter, Pop? Don'tcha love me anymore?
- Harold: [he raises his hand to hit Norman] Certainly I love you.
- Amelia: Don't you strike that child!
- Harold: Well, he's not gonna tell me I don't love him.
- Insurance Salesman: Do you know a man by the name of LaFong? Carl LaFong? Capital L, small a, Capital F, small o, small n, small g. LaFong. Carl LaFong.
- Harold: No, I don't know Carl LaFong - capital L, small a, capital F, small o, small n, small g. And if I did know Carl LaFong, I wouldn't admit it!
- Insurance Salesman: Well he's a railroad man and he leaves home very early in the morning.
- Harold: Well, he's a chump.
- Mother: Just use your own judgment.
- Daughter: You tell me where to go.
- Harold: [muttering] I'd like to tell you both where to go.
- Harold: [after being struck on the nose by a cluster of grapes dropped by Baby Dunk] Shades of Bacchus!
- Mildred Bissonette: I never knew such an ungrateful father!
- Harold: Listen, you've all got to realize one thing, that I am the Master of this house.
- Amelia: [Calling from another part of the house] Harold!
- Harold: Yes dear!
- Amelia: I don't know why it is that every time I want to talk to you, you're off in some other part of the house! I have to shout! Shout! Shout! No wonder the neighbors know all about our private affairs. I give them enough opportunity as it is to find out what's going on, without you running away as if I had the small pox or something. Every time I open my mouth...
- [Harold slips out of the house]
- Amelia: As I was saying - are you listening to me?
- Harold: Eh, yes dear, yes dear, yes dear.
- Amelia: For twenty years, I've struggled to make a home for you and the children.
- Harold: That's right dear.
- Amelia: Slaving day-in, day-out, to make both ends meet. Sometimes I don't know which way to turn.
- Harold: Eh, turn over on your right side, dear. Sleeping on your left side's bad for the heart.
- Mrs. Dunk: Bessie, hurry up now.
- Miss Dunk: Alright, I'll hurry.
- Mrs. Dunk: Don't forget the ipecac.
- Miss Dunk: I thought you said syrup of squill.
- Mrs. Dunk: I can't hear you. Talk louder.
- Miss Dunk: I thought you said syrup of squill.
- Mrs. Dunk: Alright, syrup of squill. I don't care.
- Miss Dunk: I don't care either. I'll get ipecac if you want me to.
- Mrs. Dunk: Well ipecac or syrup of squill, I don't care which.
- Miss Dunk: I don't care either. You tell me what to get and I'll get it.
- Mrs. Dunk: Get whichever one you want. I don't care. Whatever they have handy. Just the same to me.
- Miss Dunk: Ah, it's just the same to me too. I hate 'em both. Oh, where'll I go, to Jones's?
- Mrs. Dunk: Use your own judgement.
- Miss Dunk: No. You tell me where to go.
- Harold: I'd like to tell you both where to go.
- Mrs. Dunk: There's no use dear, I can't hear a word you're saying. Somebody's shouting on the floor below, so you'd better go along.