Pinocchio (I) (2022)
2/10
Takes all the wrong notes from the classic original
8 September 2022
Robert Zemeckis is a filmmaker responsible for some of the most colorful, ambitious, and uniquely fanciful films of all time. While his Pinocchio remake is certainly not entirely without its effective moments of visual splendor, it pains me to say that he has continued the trend of live-action Disney remakes that somehow manage to take everything about the original and make it significantly worse.

Every character and setting in this is less expressive and vibrant than it was in 1940, completely draining them of the personality and emotional resonance that once made them so memorable and beautiful.

The voice performances are lacklustre, to say the least. Every line of dialogue from Jiminy and Pinocchio is delivered with the exact same tone of voice. There is no variety to emotions, so the stakes are never clear.

Monstro the whale is not built up at all in this version, so any sense that he is a feared, menacing presence is gone. The tension is nonexistent in the finale. The story's other villainous characters are equally disappointing, coming across as goofy and incompetent rather than calculating and manipulative.

Worst of all, there are some narrative changes made in this version, and all of them make the themes of consequence and repentance lose their meaning and weight.

In this film, Pinocchio never has any moments when he learns the negative consequences of lying, stealing, and self-indulgence like he did in the original. He seems to know these things from the get-go, and he only finds himself in the marionette show and on pleasure island because of circumstance rather than by deliberate choice.

Outside of a couple of visually creative scenes, this is a shallow, soulless copy of a once-profound story. Not to mention that it comes across as insultingly disingenuous, as we all know quite well that Disney executives today don't actually know or care about the difference between right and wrong.
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