This movie's all about 'out with the old/in with the new', starting with James McAvoy taking over Patrick Stewart's voiceovering duties. In ancient Egypt, En Sabah Nur's old/dried-up body's getting the boot as his consciousness is transferred into a new vessel (Oscar Isaac). Evidently, protestors are just as annoying/much of a nuisance back then as they are today, wanting to disrupt the Four Horsemen of the Apolcaypse's ceremony as they endeavor to protect their leader...but because they suck, they're easily defeated (even whilst possessing neat powers such as folding people like origami). Luckily, good ol' reliable Death manages to place a protective shield around Smurfpocalypse (after the transfer's completed) before he's buried underneath rubble until future idiots inevitably revive his blue arse.
While some may've loved the journey-through-human-history that makes up this movie's opening credits sequence, I myself found it a bit much (everything zips by SO fast you can hardly follow what's appearing onscreen). The WTF-ery begins with a young Angel (no, not the dragonfly-winged-one-played-by-Zoë Kravitz...she *dead*, remember? The *other* one) CAGEFIGHTING young Nightcrawler (yes, REALLY. I guess DoFP's timey-wimeyness is to blame for why Angel's completely different to The Last Stand's version) until human-looking Raven/Mystique (clearly J-Law renegotiated her contract to have her appearing in blue scaled back), wearing a booby purple dress, liberates her fellow blue mutant after Angel's wings get singed.
Unlike her First Class introduction, Moira MacTaggert's (returning so the issue of Charles wiping her memory can *finally* be addressed) the MOST-clothed she can possibly be as she witnesses worshippers revive Smurfpocalypse (told ya!), causing an earthquake everywhere, which leads to Erik/Magneto (who's laying low/living regular-person life with a boring wife and kid) saving a colleague at work by using his power...and soon the cops are after him. In a scene mirroring his own separation from his parents, Erik's daughter displays her power (summoning birds to attack). His obviously-doomed-from-the-start family prove super-unlucky, both getting offed with a single arrow (the cops were actually smart enough *not* to have any metal on them...though that doesn't do them much good, since Erik takes them all out using his dead daughter's necklace).
Erik's not the only one having a sucky day, as young Scott/Cyclops unintentionally manifests his powers at school...giving it a new sunroof. The WTF-ery continues with a young Storm (just when you thought her hair couldn't get worse...she's got a mohawk), who's a thief, taking Smurfpocalypse HOME with her like he's a stray dog (despite witnessing the messed-up stuff he does to people), introducing him to TV...which is how he 'learns' about humanity, and she's the first in his recruitment of a new Four Horsemen, soon followed by Psylocke (the sum-total of her unexplained powers we see is a glowing pink sword and whip), Angel (whose burned/broken wings are replaced with new blade-shooting metal ones. They should've named him 'Archangel' to avoid confusion with the previous versions) and Magneto, who's now p.o.'d at the world after his family's demise.
Meanwhile, Scott's brought to Xavier's school by his older brother Alex/Havok (who, like Storm, sports some seriously questionable hair), he meets young Jean Grey (GoT's Sophie Turner, only succeeding about *half* the time at sounding American. Two things you can always rely on from the X-films: dodgy hair and accents) and then, along with Nightcrawler and Jubilee, they go to see Return of the Jedi...which leads to the writers' attempt at self-referential humour regarding movies (was Jean's line about how 'the third one is always the worst' intended to warn us about *this* movie's quality?). Fortunately, they're away from the X-Mansion when Smurfpocalypse and his B-team of Horsemen invade. Unfortunately, foolish Havok (not listening to Charles) gets himself/the X-Mansion blown up.
Fortunately, Evan Peters' Quicksilver happens by at the exact right moment, rescuing everyone (well...except Havok, of course, who's no longer needed now Scott's around). Clearly this slow-mo/super-speed sequence is intended to replicate the one from DoFP (which, unlike most, I wasn't particularly impressed by). Prior to Havok's immolation, Charles ordered him to 'wreak havoc' (in a rather forced attempt to have their own "Hulk? Smash." moment), destroying Cerebro when, once again, the villain intended to use it for EVIL (by now Cerebro's about neck-and-neck with the X-Jet for which one's been sabotaged/destroyed the most). When that fails, Smurfpocalypse simply has his Horsemen kidnap Charles (so he can amplify his power/connection to everyone and control them). They then proceed to mostly stand around/do nothing until the film's climax.
Sadly, Mystique doesn't kick much butt (just gets strangled), so it's up to the new crew to handle the Boresome Foursome and Smurfpocalypse, who is the only real match for them, growing HUGE at one point during a Battle-of-the-Minds with Charles, thoroughly thrashing him after a failed attempt to make him the new vessel (causing his hair loss in the process...as apparently baldness is a prerequisite for the role) until Jean *finally* lets loose her 'Phoenix Force', making short work of Smurfpocalypse (maybe next time LEAD with that!). Angel's dead, Psyclocke skulks off, and Storm's welcomed into the X-Mansion (despite aiding the enemy), which Jean rebuilds with Erik's help (the last exchange between him and Charles is just their dialogue from the end of the first film being reused/recycled), then Mystique gives a pep-talk to the newly-formed team of young X-Men now dressed in what resembles their comic-book costumes.
Speaking of costumes, Olivia Munn looks good in her boob-windowed outfit (oh sure, NOW you go for comic-book accuracy!), but like the majority of the new actors (whose performances range from average to pretty bad, while the returning actors seem to have lost enthusiasm) in the movie, her character's hardly developed. While nobody can ever equal Alan Cumming's Nightcrawler, I felt Kodi Smit-McPhee did the best out of the new additions taking over previously-established roles. Despite the film's attempted 'epic-ness', it mainly feels like a bunch of random/questionable ideas (including extraneous Wolverine cameos) thrown together. Oh well, if nothing else, at least they gave us plenty of boob...I mean blue!
While some may've loved the journey-through-human-history that makes up this movie's opening credits sequence, I myself found it a bit much (everything zips by SO fast you can hardly follow what's appearing onscreen). The WTF-ery begins with a young Angel (no, not the dragonfly-winged-one-played-by-Zoë Kravitz...she *dead*, remember? The *other* one) CAGEFIGHTING young Nightcrawler (yes, REALLY. I guess DoFP's timey-wimeyness is to blame for why Angel's completely different to The Last Stand's version) until human-looking Raven/Mystique (clearly J-Law renegotiated her contract to have her appearing in blue scaled back), wearing a booby purple dress, liberates her fellow blue mutant after Angel's wings get singed.
Unlike her First Class introduction, Moira MacTaggert's (returning so the issue of Charles wiping her memory can *finally* be addressed) the MOST-clothed she can possibly be as she witnesses worshippers revive Smurfpocalypse (told ya!), causing an earthquake everywhere, which leads to Erik/Magneto (who's laying low/living regular-person life with a boring wife and kid) saving a colleague at work by using his power...and soon the cops are after him. In a scene mirroring his own separation from his parents, Erik's daughter displays her power (summoning birds to attack). His obviously-doomed-from-the-start family prove super-unlucky, both getting offed with a single arrow (the cops were actually smart enough *not* to have any metal on them...though that doesn't do them much good, since Erik takes them all out using his dead daughter's necklace).
Erik's not the only one having a sucky day, as young Scott/Cyclops unintentionally manifests his powers at school...giving it a new sunroof. The WTF-ery continues with a young Storm (just when you thought her hair couldn't get worse...she's got a mohawk), who's a thief, taking Smurfpocalypse HOME with her like he's a stray dog (despite witnessing the messed-up stuff he does to people), introducing him to TV...which is how he 'learns' about humanity, and she's the first in his recruitment of a new Four Horsemen, soon followed by Psylocke (the sum-total of her unexplained powers we see is a glowing pink sword and whip), Angel (whose burned/broken wings are replaced with new blade-shooting metal ones. They should've named him 'Archangel' to avoid confusion with the previous versions) and Magneto, who's now p.o.'d at the world after his family's demise.
Meanwhile, Scott's brought to Xavier's school by his older brother Alex/Havok (who, like Storm, sports some seriously questionable hair), he meets young Jean Grey (GoT's Sophie Turner, only succeeding about *half* the time at sounding American. Two things you can always rely on from the X-films: dodgy hair and accents) and then, along with Nightcrawler and Jubilee, they go to see Return of the Jedi...which leads to the writers' attempt at self-referential humour regarding movies (was Jean's line about how 'the third one is always the worst' intended to warn us about *this* movie's quality?). Fortunately, they're away from the X-Mansion when Smurfpocalypse and his B-team of Horsemen invade. Unfortunately, foolish Havok (not listening to Charles) gets himself/the X-Mansion blown up.
Fortunately, Evan Peters' Quicksilver happens by at the exact right moment, rescuing everyone (well...except Havok, of course, who's no longer needed now Scott's around). Clearly this slow-mo/super-speed sequence is intended to replicate the one from DoFP (which, unlike most, I wasn't particularly impressed by). Prior to Havok's immolation, Charles ordered him to 'wreak havoc' (in a rather forced attempt to have their own "Hulk? Smash." moment), destroying Cerebro when, once again, the villain intended to use it for EVIL (by now Cerebro's about neck-and-neck with the X-Jet for which one's been sabotaged/destroyed the most). When that fails, Smurfpocalypse simply has his Horsemen kidnap Charles (so he can amplify his power/connection to everyone and control them). They then proceed to mostly stand around/do nothing until the film's climax.
Sadly, Mystique doesn't kick much butt (just gets strangled), so it's up to the new crew to handle the Boresome Foursome and Smurfpocalypse, who is the only real match for them, growing HUGE at one point during a Battle-of-the-Minds with Charles, thoroughly thrashing him after a failed attempt to make him the new vessel (causing his hair loss in the process...as apparently baldness is a prerequisite for the role) until Jean *finally* lets loose her 'Phoenix Force', making short work of Smurfpocalypse (maybe next time LEAD with that!). Angel's dead, Psyclocke skulks off, and Storm's welcomed into the X-Mansion (despite aiding the enemy), which Jean rebuilds with Erik's help (the last exchange between him and Charles is just their dialogue from the end of the first film being reused/recycled), then Mystique gives a pep-talk to the newly-formed team of young X-Men now dressed in what resembles their comic-book costumes.
Speaking of costumes, Olivia Munn looks good in her boob-windowed outfit (oh sure, NOW you go for comic-book accuracy!), but like the majority of the new actors (whose performances range from average to pretty bad, while the returning actors seem to have lost enthusiasm) in the movie, her character's hardly developed. While nobody can ever equal Alan Cumming's Nightcrawler, I felt Kodi Smit-McPhee did the best out of the new additions taking over previously-established roles. Despite the film's attempted 'epic-ness', it mainly feels like a bunch of random/questionable ideas (including extraneous Wolverine cameos) thrown together. Oh well, if nothing else, at least they gave us plenty of boob...I mean blue!