The story is simple, William and Tovar have travelled across Asia in search of the oft- rumoured black powder that could pose as the most revolutionary weapon of the time. Pursued across northern China, they come face-to-face with the Great Wall, which was not built for the purpose of keeping out the Mongolians, but as the last line of defence against a hive-mind horde of lizards that seek to devour the world. The wall is occupied by a vast Chinese army who look more like an army of Power Rangers; there's the black footsoldiers, the purple shielders, the red archers, the blue "Crane Corps", and the...yellow ones. Cue action sequence after action sequence as William and Tovar attempt to escape.
The pacing is simply dreadful. This is an epic movie about the struggle between China and the lizard monsters, with Matt Damon in the middle of it all, but it rushes through everything to get to the cool bits. We open with William and Tovar being pursued by Mongolians in the desert, they kill a lone lizard, and then suddenly seem shocked that there's a massive thousand-mile long wall directly in front of them (would've thought they'd have seen it). They're dragged inside, there's a little bit of talking, and then the lizards attack. One of the big climaxes of the movie happens so soon with little character development behind it; we barely even know our main characters before they're thrust into life-threatening situations. The movie cuts randomly to other scenes, completely devoid of any transitions or thought behind them. For example there's an attack on the wall and one of the generals stabs one of the lizards in the throat by getting between it's jaws, and suddenly he's dead and they're holding a funeral. Another example is one of William and Tovar's companions just disappears in the opening scenes. There's four of them, one gets carried away by the lizard, they kill the lizard, and then there's only two of them. What even happened to the third guy?
Dialogue is clunky and awful as well. This is Yimou Zhang's first English-language movie (majority, anyway), and it's clear he has no handle of English at all. Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, and Willem Dafoe deliver their lines meticulously and robotically, using language as simple as possible, making it sound unnatural and unlike the way any English-speaker talks. Of course I can't comment on the Chinese bits of dialogue, but their delivery certainly sounds more natural. Even the English spoken by Chinese actress Tian Jing sounds better and more natural, particularly in the way a non-native speaker would speak it. This sounds like nit-picking, but it's less about the language itself, and more about how it makes the dialogue simplistic, cheesy, and just sound plain awful in it's delivery. I don't blame Damon, Pascal or Dafoe at all (well maybe a little bit), I blame the script.
Linked to this is the humour, which often seems out-of-place, badly delivered, and is more goofy than genuinely amusing. There's one character who seems to be the staple of every Asian movie; a clumsy goof who can't do anything right and just gets himself into trouble time and time again, just for the sake of comedy value. Much of the dialogue jokes just aren't funny either, such as Matt Damon dissing his companion and his companion, from the other side of the door, saying "I heard that". Hahahaha, hilarious.
I will admit though, the action sequences are pretty great. The first big battle, as soon and lacking in genuine threat as it is, is definitely a spectacle. Seeing the rainbow army assemble and use interesting strategies to combat the horde is definitely interesting to watch, particularly the all-female, blue-armoured "Crane Corps" (awful name, I know) who stand on planks held over the wall, with a crude bungie chord attached, who then dive into the horde with spears. The application of gun powder on arrows as well seems like an ingenious way to delivering miniature bombs onto the enemy.
The other thing I won't deny is how visually impressive it all looks. Yimou Zhang is renowned for his eye for breathtaking visuals, and The Great Wall is no exception. As cheesy as the concept is, and as much as I poke fun at it, the rainbow army does look great, and creates some really fantastic imagery. Similarly, the big climax takes place in a stain-glass tower filled with a cacophony of colour that would make any television marketer weep for joy. The design of the lizards is also really interesting as well, with the grunts having their eyes on their shoulders, leaving their heads as massive chomping appendages. The queen's vibrating crown and her towering guard of shield lizards also look really cool. There's no denying, the CGI in this movie is on point.
Seriously, the claims of whitewashing and cultural appropriation were the least of this film's worries. Those claims of course were complete bullshit to begin with; Matt Damon was cast to play a European character, and to draw in Western audiences (the same way a lot of Hollywood blockbusters are making sure they have Asian actors to draw in the Chinese markets), so it's not like he was taking the role from a Chinese actor (of which, to be fair, 99% of the cast are Chinese). The Great Wall lacks in every department it matters. Sure it's a great looking movie with some impressive action sequences, but there's no character at all, the dialogue is cringeworthy, cheesy, and just flat-out bad, and the story's pacing keeps it from being an enthralling experience. I was genuinely starting to fall asleep last night. I give The Great Wall a don't-bother 4/10 (saved from anything lower thanks to the visual spectacle it offers)
The pacing is simply dreadful. This is an epic movie about the struggle between China and the lizard monsters, with Matt Damon in the middle of it all, but it rushes through everything to get to the cool bits. We open with William and Tovar being pursued by Mongolians in the desert, they kill a lone lizard, and then suddenly seem shocked that there's a massive thousand-mile long wall directly in front of them (would've thought they'd have seen it). They're dragged inside, there's a little bit of talking, and then the lizards attack. One of the big climaxes of the movie happens so soon with little character development behind it; we barely even know our main characters before they're thrust into life-threatening situations. The movie cuts randomly to other scenes, completely devoid of any transitions or thought behind them. For example there's an attack on the wall and one of the generals stabs one of the lizards in the throat by getting between it's jaws, and suddenly he's dead and they're holding a funeral. Another example is one of William and Tovar's companions just disappears in the opening scenes. There's four of them, one gets carried away by the lizard, they kill the lizard, and then there's only two of them. What even happened to the third guy?
Dialogue is clunky and awful as well. This is Yimou Zhang's first English-language movie (majority, anyway), and it's clear he has no handle of English at all. Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, and Willem Dafoe deliver their lines meticulously and robotically, using language as simple as possible, making it sound unnatural and unlike the way any English-speaker talks. Of course I can't comment on the Chinese bits of dialogue, but their delivery certainly sounds more natural. Even the English spoken by Chinese actress Tian Jing sounds better and more natural, particularly in the way a non-native speaker would speak it. This sounds like nit-picking, but it's less about the language itself, and more about how it makes the dialogue simplistic, cheesy, and just sound plain awful in it's delivery. I don't blame Damon, Pascal or Dafoe at all (well maybe a little bit), I blame the script.
Linked to this is the humour, which often seems out-of-place, badly delivered, and is more goofy than genuinely amusing. There's one character who seems to be the staple of every Asian movie; a clumsy goof who can't do anything right and just gets himself into trouble time and time again, just for the sake of comedy value. Much of the dialogue jokes just aren't funny either, such as Matt Damon dissing his companion and his companion, from the other side of the door, saying "I heard that". Hahahaha, hilarious.
I will admit though, the action sequences are pretty great. The first big battle, as soon and lacking in genuine threat as it is, is definitely a spectacle. Seeing the rainbow army assemble and use interesting strategies to combat the horde is definitely interesting to watch, particularly the all-female, blue-armoured "Crane Corps" (awful name, I know) who stand on planks held over the wall, with a crude bungie chord attached, who then dive into the horde with spears. The application of gun powder on arrows as well seems like an ingenious way to delivering miniature bombs onto the enemy.
The other thing I won't deny is how visually impressive it all looks. Yimou Zhang is renowned for his eye for breathtaking visuals, and The Great Wall is no exception. As cheesy as the concept is, and as much as I poke fun at it, the rainbow army does look great, and creates some really fantastic imagery. Similarly, the big climax takes place in a stain-glass tower filled with a cacophony of colour that would make any television marketer weep for joy. The design of the lizards is also really interesting as well, with the grunts having their eyes on their shoulders, leaving their heads as massive chomping appendages. The queen's vibrating crown and her towering guard of shield lizards also look really cool. There's no denying, the CGI in this movie is on point.
Seriously, the claims of whitewashing and cultural appropriation were the least of this film's worries. Those claims of course were complete bullshit to begin with; Matt Damon was cast to play a European character, and to draw in Western audiences (the same way a lot of Hollywood blockbusters are making sure they have Asian actors to draw in the Chinese markets), so it's not like he was taking the role from a Chinese actor (of which, to be fair, 99% of the cast are Chinese). The Great Wall lacks in every department it matters. Sure it's a great looking movie with some impressive action sequences, but there's no character at all, the dialogue is cringeworthy, cheesy, and just flat-out bad, and the story's pacing keeps it from being an enthralling experience. I was genuinely starting to fall asleep last night. I give The Great Wall a don't-bother 4/10 (saved from anything lower thanks to the visual spectacle it offers)