Red Water (2003 TV Movie)
7/10
A surprisingly decent little crime thriller/monster mix
25 October 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I was fully expecting to hate RED WATER. Not only is it a modern-day shark movie (set in a river) that rips off the likes of JAWS (underwater menace shots), ANACONDA (the setting) and DEEP BLUE SEA (huge mechanical explosions etc.), it's also a television movie, a genre of films that I typically dislike. Talk about everything conspiring against it from the start...anyhow, I was pleasantly surprised by this film when I watched it, and I ended up enjoying it a lot more than a lot of other big bucks fare. It's a film with plenty going on all the time, and a plot that is straight out of a B-movie action/thriller, not a monster movie. The story involves some criminals searching for stolen loot, and rapper Coolio has a large role in the film as an imposing, trigger-happy stock gangster cliché. There's plenty of shooting, stabbing, and fighting, and really, when you think about it, not that much shark action. But I enjoyed it anyway.

Sure, the film is predictable, the story little more than a reason to put a group of people in a single location together and have lots of conflict between them. But the acting isn't half bad; everyone seems to be making an effort here, which is more than can be said for some films. Coolio is definitely the worst actor but his performance enters the so-bad-it's-good category so you can't complain. Of the others, Rob Boltin is engaging as a Cajun, Kristy Swanson is far better (and prettier) than she was in that BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER movie and provides some pleasant eye candy, and Lou Diamond Phillips actually cuts the mustard as an action hero, all muscles and stunts and heroic stuff.

While the Louisiana setting means we get some Cajun dancing (think SOUTHERN COMFORT here) and provides an original backdrop for the underwater menace (the movie was actually shot in South Africa, and looks good), unfortunately the plot plays out strictly by the book. The black expendable dies early on, the bad guys can't hit anything when they shoot, and despite the watery setting just about everything in the film blows up at some point, captured in loving slow motion, of course. The shark never feels like much of a menace and is a cross between acceptable CGI work and a decent animatronics model. Unfortunately, it's not on screen very often, only popping up every half hour or so to make an appearance. The gore effects are kept to a minimum and consist of blood pooling in the water and a cheesy severed arm shot. One thing I did particularly like was the ultra-cheesy ending, which sees the shark being literally drilled to death; nicely grotesque, it's a fitting climax to a decent little thriller.
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