OK I just created an IMDb account for the sole purpose of giving you a warning:
First, some info about my personal taste in movies. I actually never write reviews, and that is for one reason: I wont be good at it, because I practically like every movie I watch, and I could only write positive reviews all the time, suggesting that you watch it with an open mind. And really, who would be so damn interested in that? No one.
OK, so I've seen many bad movies. I actually love most of the movies that people call bad. I love low budget slash horrors, they entertain the hell out of me. I cried laughing at all 6 Leprechaun movies. Yes I did. There is something hilarious to me about movies that are explicitly sh*t. I cant help it.
BUT. This movie is something else. I'm actually one of the few (an I mean VERY few) people in the world who has seen it at this point, as I was at the world premiere about 3 and a half hours ago. My friend and I were alone in the whole theater (world premiere!) It should have been a sign, but we're both hardcore movie fans, and can't be discouraged so easily.
Then it started: 20 minute long scene - slow, boring, trite. 450 ways to make this an interesting lead-in, none taken. This is the point where I should mention, that the whole thing is supposed to be a "fake 80's movie" - in style (some kind of retro American thing, realized mainly through costumes and hairstyles), and in production, meaning it lacks all modern computer-generated effects. In short: the monsters are ridiculous looking plastic dolls moved by actors. Now as I said, this wont be a bad thing necessarily, and actually these monster scenes are the high points of the movie - not because they are good, but because apart from the rest of the movie, they are SOMETHING.
Yes, and we have arrived to the main problem: the NOTHING that this movie is. The 4 or 5 scenes with the monsters are the small pieces of floating material in the pond of pure boredom. This is what happens in between: They walk. Wander around in completely random places. Sometimes they run. They talk about completely irrelevant and uninteresting things. They look scared. Thats about it.
It was around the 2/3 mark that I realized it wont get any better. In the beginning I thought OK it opens slow but it should get better any minute. Later I thought OK this is definitely not a good movie but they spin it around with some crazy sh*t and it'll be OK in the end. Nothing happened.
I'm getting tired here and there's so many other things that are just inexcusably sh*t about this movie - like the complete lack of logic (again, not necessarily a problem, if its backed up with other interesting elements), the barely above 0 acting performance (I am convinced that the movie was shot during a single night, without ANY of the scenes being shot twice to make them better), the nonexistent visual world.... or anything, really. But I think you're getting the idea already.
There was one joke I laughed out loud at. That is why the only imaginable category in which this movie gets 1/10 instead of 0/10 is humor.
And these all are why I felt it was my sworn duty to warn you not to go to this film. I can hardly think of worse things you could do with that time and money.
I warned you!
OK, footnote: Sorry for any grammar mistakes. Feel free to correct them, if you find any!
First, some info about my personal taste in movies. I actually never write reviews, and that is for one reason: I wont be good at it, because I practically like every movie I watch, and I could only write positive reviews all the time, suggesting that you watch it with an open mind. And really, who would be so damn interested in that? No one.
OK, so I've seen many bad movies. I actually love most of the movies that people call bad. I love low budget slash horrors, they entertain the hell out of me. I cried laughing at all 6 Leprechaun movies. Yes I did. There is something hilarious to me about movies that are explicitly sh*t. I cant help it.
BUT. This movie is something else. I'm actually one of the few (an I mean VERY few) people in the world who has seen it at this point, as I was at the world premiere about 3 and a half hours ago. My friend and I were alone in the whole theater (world premiere!) It should have been a sign, but we're both hardcore movie fans, and can't be discouraged so easily.
Then it started: 20 minute long scene - slow, boring, trite. 450 ways to make this an interesting lead-in, none taken. This is the point where I should mention, that the whole thing is supposed to be a "fake 80's movie" - in style (some kind of retro American thing, realized mainly through costumes and hairstyles), and in production, meaning it lacks all modern computer-generated effects. In short: the monsters are ridiculous looking plastic dolls moved by actors. Now as I said, this wont be a bad thing necessarily, and actually these monster scenes are the high points of the movie - not because they are good, but because apart from the rest of the movie, they are SOMETHING.
Yes, and we have arrived to the main problem: the NOTHING that this movie is. The 4 or 5 scenes with the monsters are the small pieces of floating material in the pond of pure boredom. This is what happens in between: They walk. Wander around in completely random places. Sometimes they run. They talk about completely irrelevant and uninteresting things. They look scared. Thats about it.
It was around the 2/3 mark that I realized it wont get any better. In the beginning I thought OK it opens slow but it should get better any minute. Later I thought OK this is definitely not a good movie but they spin it around with some crazy sh*t and it'll be OK in the end. Nothing happened.
I'm getting tired here and there's so many other things that are just inexcusably sh*t about this movie - like the complete lack of logic (again, not necessarily a problem, if its backed up with other interesting elements), the barely above 0 acting performance (I am convinced that the movie was shot during a single night, without ANY of the scenes being shot twice to make them better), the nonexistent visual world.... or anything, really. But I think you're getting the idea already.
There was one joke I laughed out loud at. That is why the only imaginable category in which this movie gets 1/10 instead of 0/10 is humor.
And these all are why I felt it was my sworn duty to warn you not to go to this film. I can hardly think of worse things you could do with that time and money.
I warned you!
OK, footnote: Sorry for any grammar mistakes. Feel free to correct them, if you find any!