Torchwood (2006–2011)
1/10
Torchwood, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways
5 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
1: I hate the awful plot lines that in some cases rip off other films/shows wholesale. For example the episode Combat complete with Weevil Club and Tyler Durton's younger smarmier brother.

2: I hate the terrible incompetence of the Torchwood staff that leads them to make repeated mistakes either out of selfishness or plain stupidity that often end up causing the deaths of innocent civilians. I hate the fact that the staff then seem to just shrug this off with no guilt or reprimand and get back to the main business of trying to sleep with each other. I hate the fact that any other decent black ops unit in any other show would have fired and quite possibly executed all of them several times over by the end of the series.

3: I hate the fact that the writers idea of an adult Sci-Fi show is basically a kids sci-fi show with a little bit of gore and some rumpus. Gone are complex plot lines, thoughtful explorations of tough issues and realistic characters. In their place are quick cheap shows with lots of filler and plot holes so vast that they actually threaten to absorb small galaxies.

4: I hate the fact that this could have been such a great show. There are one or two moments in the series that were genuinely wonderful, such as when in the Episode Out of Time the father met his senile dying son and then took his own life. Touching, poignant stuff. A pearl sat softly in the midst of half a ton of glistening oyster mucus.

5: I hate the fact that this whole abortion of a show clings like some kind of parasitic worm to the Doctor Who franchise to gain loyalty from legions of fans who would otherwise probably not have cut the show as much slack as they have. I watched the entire damn series waiting for it to get good. It never did.

6: I hate the fact that we were promised a mixture of This Life meets the X-Files. It sounded great. But what we actually got was a TV version of Heat magazine with the occasional alien and the odd gunshot wound.

Hmm. Six ways. Each of them more than enough reason on their own to have the show loaded into a rocket and fired into deep space.

Yuk.
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