Review of Red Water

Red Water (2003 TV Movie)
3/10
this review could be two words long
23 August 2003
Warning: Spoilers
note; contains spoilers

All I can say is DUMP RIPOFF! The shark practically disappears for the middle part of the movie when we're forced to watch a boring hostage situation that had little plot and made little sense. Now when asked why there were so few shark scenes, the producers will likely give the 'less is more' rubbish but that's just not true. The shark scenes were mostly crappy. Showing the entire shark swimming underwater at the beginning wrecked it since we've seen the entire shark so any suspense of a possible magic moment when we first see the shark is now destroyed and the shark is tiny (maybe 8 or 9 feet in length) which makes it salmon compared to just about any killer shark we've seen in a Jaws/Deep Blue Sea/Shark Attack film. Any fear we could have had about this shark was ruined with the ridiculous scene when Lou Diamond Phillips is half way between the shark and the boat (he's originally trying to stay still but then realizes it wont work) and somehow manages to get on the boat without being eaten. The average shark swims 25 times faster then the average human which means that this shark likely could have swam to the bottom, swam to the boat, done a triple lutz and then eaten Lou but yet apparently it couldn't even swim twice as fast as a human.

Other stupid scenes; -the whole scenario of the kid seeing his grandfather get pulled off the boat and eaten, then hiding in the boat, the boat saling into the docks on it's own, the kid being too shocked to speak was a COMPLETE RIPOFF of the sequence in Jaws 2 when the beauty pageant winner sees her boyfriend Eddie eaten while on a boat (everything with these two characters plays out the exact same way). -The opening sequence of the brunette in the red bikini getting eaten is a ripoff of the Jaws flicks: They go into the water all smiley and giggly to have some fun (Chrissy in Jaws), she gets brushed against by the shark (which is stupid because she feels the shark and at first doesn't know what it is but then figures out it was a shark without even seeing it and why would the shark have not eaten her then?). And then the shark gets seen and the classic lifeguard on the megaphone and people rushing out of the water sequence which happens in 3 out of the 4 Jaws flicks occurs.

-pretty much any scene involving Lou Diamond Phillips. When the shark attacks the older fellow, Lou jumps in the water after him (trying to be a hero even though he has no weapons to attack the shark with and there's a 95% chance that anybody who is in a shark's mouth isn't coming out). Then when he sees the shark, he looks all shocked. The guy was given umpteen opportunities to be a hero in and out of the water and fails every last time with the possible exception of the ending. How in the world does he get a shark tooth stuck in his foot from an attack but not lose a single part of his foot is beyond be (the tooth supposedly broke off but a sharks jaw and tooth is much stronger then a human foot). The guy has huge financial troubles and is about to lose his most passionate asset (his boat) yet when he's killed the shark which would trigger an automatic 100 grand, he decides not to tell anybody about the shark because of some stupid legend. Could you see anybody with huge financial troubles throwing away money like that?

-the ending: it would be physcially impossible for the shark to be suspended in air with the drill going in it's mouth. The outwards spin of the drill would push the shark away from it (in fact even if the drill were set in reverse and had an inwards spin, the shark would have fallen down into the water). Even if it were possible for the shark to be suspended in air like that, eventually once the drill cut a big enough hole through the shark, it would have fallen down into the water. There is no way it could be torn to pieces like it was.
5 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed