Branded is about a cow-shaped constellation that appears to fire lightning bolts onto a marketing expert, who subsequently participates in a corporate branding war in which giant gelatinous balloon-like demon creatures fight each other for global domination. Oh, and you can only see the demons after slaughtering a red cow. Or at least that’s what I think the movie’s about; sorta, maybe. If you need to go back and re-read that monumentally first confusing sentence at least five times, if not ten, don’t fret: You’ve just replicated the experience of sitting through one of the most inexplicable films ever made. Arriving in theaters without press screenings, or advance press of any kind really, this sci-fi piece/faux-infomercial/nonsensical glop inspires a lot of questions. The most pressing: What poor Sob did co-writers/directors Jamie Bradshaw and Alexander Doulerain dupe into funding this? The filmmakers would have a tough time summarizing the plot, if...
- 9/8/2012
- by Robert Levin
- FilmSchoolRejects.com
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