Quotes

My floundering career has nothing to do with my lack of talent, or being a five in the looks department. It's the height that's going to get me, you're absolutely correct. I don't know why people keep hiring me. I'm like, "Guys, I'm really way too tall to be doing this." I bring it up all the time, but nobody's listening. Maybe it helps that I tell people I'm five foot thirteen.

I think people who live in the worlds that movies are based on end up disliking them. Unless they're from a different time and era.

I am now The Establishment. There's nothing I can do about it.

Growing up, my sisters were both into dancing, so I went to a lot of dance recitals, mostly because there were always pretty girls in leotards.

Each experience I go through - marriage, my public life, my personal life - I'm learning as I go.

People are getting cynical about the news. It doesn't seem like there's one place to watch where you get the straight dope. You watch the channel that proves your point.

When somebody listens and laughs, you're always in better shape than when you're with those folks who just kind of look at you when you say something funny. You wonder if they're looking at you because they're mad that they didn't say it or something. It's hard to handle that.

Once I walked out of my house into to the Puerto Rican Day parade. It was usually a five-minute walk to work, but that day it took me a half-hour to get to 30 Rock.

Being polite and grateful will make people more inclined to help you. And if people are willing to help you, you may accidentally get something you want.

A mustache really defines your face. My dad had a mustache when I was growing up, and I can still remember when he shaved it, he looked like a completely different person.

You start at SNL when you're young and hungry, but I don't want my pro years to be my SNL years.

That's what I love about sketch comedy: a sketch is five minutes, then it goes dark, and there's the potential for something else.

It's fun to play the type of people you dislike.

I've never been a shirt-off, pants-off kind of comedy guy.

I'm not buying a boat because of writing skits.

I'd love to do a drama.

I'd like to extend my career a little bit into different genres.

[on Feb 5, 2016 in L.A. Times, about Nacho Vigalondo's Colossal (2016)] "'OK.' So that's what the movie is about." [when Vigalondo says, "I don't want to give too much away. I would say it's a movie about a woman who returns home and every time she drinks, a monster attacks South Korea"].

[on why he and Olivia haven't married yet] We have jobs lined up. Our friends work in the business. We have to find a perfect venue. It starts there. The where is first, then the when and the who. The why and what we have on lockdown.