Quotes

[on filming the love scene in Shallow Hal (2001)] It was just strictly professional. It was like a doctor or a carpenter plying his trade. I received no pleasure whatsoever... I requested 32 takes for the perfection of the craft.

Never for a second did I think of myself as the sexiest guy in the world. When I was a kid, I thought I was the strongest man in the world. Then the fastest runner and then the smartest person in the world. One by one, my delusions got shut down. Now I just see myself as the lamest guy in the world.

[on co-starring with Gwyneth Paltrow for the first time in Shallow Hal (2001)] You know, I WAS a little afraid that she would fall head-over-heels in love with me, like she did [when co-starring] with Brad Pitt in Se7en (1995).

I'd just like to be in films that I would like to see. I think of myself as an entertainment arsenal. Like I have my acting bazooka and my music machete. And you don't know what I'm going to come at you with.

I was a little worried about working with kids. I wanted to make sure we didn't approach it tip-toeing around the stuff that would normally be funny, or make it gentle, rock-a-bye-baby bullshit.

I'm no Matt Damon, my goal was to be a character actor. I never thought I would get leads the way that I've been able to in the past two years.

I'm hungry for rock 24/7.

The movie This Is Spinal Tap (1984) rocked my world. It's for rock what The Sound of Music (1965) was for hills. They really nailed how dumb rock can be.

I'd rather be the king of kids, than the prince of fools.

There's nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Are you hungry? Then you're gonna eat it.

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

I played, like, a year of piano until I learned The Pink Panther (1963) theme. That was my goal. Once I was good enough, I quit. Now, my music has to have some rock.

If Beethoven and Bach hooked up with Mozart and made a band, they COULD be a distant runner up to The D.

[on his experiences early on in his career] It wasn't about control. It was about the co-lla-bo. There's great directors who treat actors like cattle, but I hated it, and I knew if I ever had a choice, I didn't want to work with those guys. Who said that thing about actors and cattle? Hitchcock [Alfred Hitchcock]? Yeah, I don't want to work with that dude.

[on his role and his tights in Nacho Libre (2006)] At first, I would have rather been naked to tell you the truth, because I just look so goddang ridiculous. But then I thought, "Wait, that's my job. The stretchy pants are my friends. I love the stretchy pants!" It just took a little mental adjustment, because I know that when I'm embarrassed and scared about acting, that means I'm going to get some good life-nugget knowledge out of it. And I love the knowledge nuggets.

I should take down someone who is strong, so Steven Seagal would be perfect - with his ridiculous Indian gear, ponytail and swagger. He's the best fighter in the world in his own mind, so I'll take him down two notches with my Anaconda Squeeze and Face Melter.

[when asked about his cooking skills] I make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[on Shallow Hal (2001)] I wasn't proud of it, and I got paid a lot of money, so in retrospect it feels like a sell-out.

[on his role in Margot at the Wedding (2007)] I had to show some darker sides of myself than I have in roles past. It was challenging. I was most worried about the crying scenes and the nudity. But I sucked it up and went to those places because I just had to look over at Jennifer [Jennifer Jason Leigh] who was so fearless in her performance.

Nobody cares about my babies. It's all about Angelina [Jolie]'s babies.

I said I named the baby after me. I didn't say that my actual name is Thomas.

When I was ten years old, I fell in love with The Who. I saw the film Tommy (1975) on cable television and despite Jack Nicholson's heinous rendition of "Go to the Mirror!", I was deeply moved by the music and the story. I wasn't deaf, dumb or blind but I could relate to Tommy. I too wanted to be seen, felt and healed. Seriously, not going for the laugh [directed to audience]. I had a supportive family but growing up can be tough no matter what your upbringing. And no other band had the courage or sensitivity to write those kinds of emotionally raw songs. Achingly beautiful melodies touched by the hand of god. Or the devil. Or both. Or neither. I must say neither. Just a collection of ass-kicking songs, the likes of which will never be seen again! On the battlefield of rock, they went toe to toe with the likes of Hendrix and emerged unscathed. Triumphant dragon-slayers of emotionality. And about now they're probably wondering why I was chosen to give this speech. Surely there was someone more qualified. "Why is this moron talking about dragons and emotions?! Who does he think he is?". Who? I'm just one of the millions. Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend. Thank you for blowing our minds and touching our hearts.

I like to improv. If I'm not feeling a scene down to Po's panda bones, I'll just keep tweaking it.

[on the difficulty of getting Frank or Francis made] It's just because the script and the subject matter. It's just too good. When I say too good, I mean it's just too dark and real and strange and wonderful. Investors don't think it's a safe bet. The industry has changed. It's not enough to be brilliant any more. You have to be a sure thing. It's just so short-sighted, so shitty. If I was a billionaire, I'd throw the money at it.