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Butter's Final Meal (2022)
Genuinely traumatised me?
I don't know what to say other than this movie genuinely traumatised me and I haven't been able to eat a proper meal in four days and I am starving but I can't eat anything, so thank you for doing this to me I guess.
Every time I chew, I think of this movie. This movie may have messed me up. I'm an empathy vomiter/gagger so maybe I shouldn't have watched it but me and my dad wanted to mess around but now every time I pick up a fork or spoon I just think of the scene where they pin him down and force-feed him the butter or when he's gorging himself to death. During the butter scene, I actually had to leave the room because I almost genuinely threw up.
I will admit: the way they shot both of these scenes, it's so disgustingly real, and I do like that, and I think Butter's actor was genuinely talented, I liked all the sax stuff, but other than that the movie is just weird. His bullies do suddenly just begin liking him because he wants to commit suicide, but then suddenly they go back on that later on, say they wish the best for him? It just doesn't feel right.
Just feels like a terrible message for teenagers. Like, yes, try to commit suicide and when you wake up in the hospital, most of your problems will suddenly solve themselves. The girl will start liking you if you try to die, which is basically what happened. No way. This is bad.
Either way, thank you for the semi-entertaining bad movie binge. This movie has been my biggest inside joke for the past few days, but also I can't get through a proper meal, so I'm not sure if I'm really winning or not.
Greenland (2020)
Cliché City
Let me tell you. I got back on my IMDb account for the first time in a while to write this review. I was on here last about three years ago. This movie is so laughably bad that I got back on my account for the first time in three years to write a review for it. Prepare for an extremely long rant.
This movie is quite literally cliché after cliché after cliché. Oh gosh! We've been chosen to taken shelter and only us for some reason! Our family gets so mad at us and there's screaming and wailing and so much stuff and... Why does this all get announced on their TV in their house? How does that work? Not only that, but it just so happens that mom doesn't get the message on her phone because she's busy, so only husband gets it. Wow!
Now, back on track. Let's pack and go drive to the airport. Oh no! The highway is packed because of the panic from that small bit of comet/asteroid/Clarke or whatever falling. Let's go drive another way, I'm smart and it's easy to fix my issues, and backing up the car like this isn't dangerous at all. Oh gosh! We got to the airport place, but my son is diabetic and I somehow forgot his insulin, one of the most important things we need to carry around for him, and we just casually left it in the car in his backpack.
Don't worry, honey, I can run all the way back through security, through the crowd, to the crowded cars, to our car to find the insulin, then back through the crowded cars, back through the crowd, and security to see you again, all within about fifteen minutes! Easy!
Oh no! While my husband was gone, I found out that my son can't go on because he has diabetes, even though he was specifically included in the message for who could come to the super secret classified shelters, not to mention it's a surprise they didn't find his inslin pump before, especially when they were using the metal detectors. I beg the miltary lady and get nothing, oh man, what a shame for me. Then, uh oh, me and husband get split up! Oh man, our phones for some reason just won't send messages, I guess we have no service for some reason, awww, shoot!
Maybe it's because of that small piece of comet/asteroid/Clarke that hit preventing us from getting service? Well, the movie never tells us, so I'll just assume! Oh gosh! We're still split up and so now we're gonna go to our dad's house which is super super far away but whatever we left a note for my husband. Now, allow me to skip some details and parts of the movie here, because if I listed every problem, I'd get pissed. Oh, no, drugstore shooting! Haven't seen that one before, definitely not, for sure.
We got picked up by nice nice people who give my son a sandwich which is.in their car for some reason, but uh oh, they don't see to like people who got to go to the super secret classigied shelter. Hmm, now I wonder if that's foreshadowing anything. Stupid mother and son tell them that they're apart of those people, despite the red flags. At this point I knew this old couple was gonna do something bad. My guess? Taking their bracelets. Then we're back to the husband, and I was zoning out at this part, honestly, but I caught some stuff about Canada and whatever, which I immediately assumed that meant it was info that was gonna show up later in the movie.
Husband and mom (though I guess they're maybe divorced? I'm so uninvested in this movie I dunno but they don't like each other, I think because husband cheated? No idea here.) both are getting driven to the same place or roughly so somehow, and both their free rides go wrong. Just as I predicted, the couple, or at least only the guy since the girl cries for him to stop but doesn't actually do anything and later on seems just fine with it steals mom and son's bracelets. Except not really. For some stupid, stupid, reason, instead of taking their bracelets, they take one bracelet... and the boy. Why?
I admit that even taking their bracelets was stupid because they're likely personal, but why take the boy? There was actually no reason, especially after you got told the boy was declined for being diabetic. Did I miss something? Was there a smart reason for them to only take the boy? Now you're missing a bracelet because it's on the boy instead of your girlfriend/wife. And the couple thinks they can convince the miltary and stuff that this is their son and all. Also, the mom doesn't at all try to get her son away from the couple. She doesn't even unbuckle him so he can run or do much of anything.
She just panics and whines and wails like an entitled mother. Nice job, your son's been kidnapped now. Not only that, but all the cars refuse to pick you up now for some reason, and leave you crying and screaming on the road... Actually, maybe it's because you're crying and screaming, nevermind. Here's my next guess: Oh, the couple's gonna get detained, they put the boy in the camp somewhere, the mother's gonna get to the camp somehow, and they'll reunite. Guess what happens?
They get there, and they tell the boy "Now pretend we're your parents", like... Of course, the boy you just forcefully kidnapped and took away from his mother during the midst of this stressful world-ending event is gonna pretend all good, perfect, and nice. They get up there and go and pretend and the guy is like "My bracelet was stolen! Please let me in, this is my son and my wife!" and they're about to let them in. How incompetent is the miltary in this movie, by the way? Some planes packed full of people got blown up earlier too, right? Can't the miltary do their jobs?
Anyways, the only reason they don't get let in is because the boy says these people aren't his parents. And you know what the couple does? They... say stuff like "Oh, he's just scared.". Why? Why do kidnappers do this, do they think it'll actually work? If a kid approached me, *crying* and saying these people aren't his parents, of course I would believe him! No way am I gonna believe someone saying "He's just scared." or "He's confused.". What?!
They get taken away and the boy's put somewhere in the camp, of course. The mom shows up later hysterical and freaking out and then they look around and I managed to actually count down to when she would find her son again because of the music ramping up. Everything is so predictable. Oh, you're probably wondering about the husband now, right? Well he gets into a fight or whatever.
I forgot the reason why he did, genuinely, but I think it's because some guy was mad about his bracelet or America or something, which I figured would happen too, because we always need some drama about the bracelets. Anyways, the husband actually commits murder here, I guess in self defense but it was murder still. No one really comments on this. He doesn't even seem to have too much guilt for it. In the scene he seems guilty but this guilt is never later on addressed in the movie, I'm pretty sure. So he just kinda murders and then we forget about it.
Around here my memory really starts to blur, because I was losing interest, and I already didn't want to watch this movie the first ten minutes in. But somehow, mom and son get another ride... maybe? Or maybe they walk? I don't know. There's some stuff, husband has a breakdown, looks at some TV, sees that there's a 24 hour countdown to the big big comet/asteroid/Clarke whatever hitting and he gets very sad over it. How lucky that he turned the TV on during then to learn he has *exactly* 24 hours left.
Have I mentioned husband and mom still haven't found each other? Husband steals a car to go to his father in law's place, meets him there, they talk a bit, and then later on they find out mom and son just so happen to be at a store very close by! They can drive there! So they do. They drive there and pick up mom and son and there's the happy cute reunion or whatever. There's some cuteness so I thought finally there'd be some downtime in this movie, but nope, I was wrong! There is quite literally no downtime in this movie at all.
Now, there's an entire chunk of the movie gone from my memory. All I remember is that they remember that Canada/Greenland thing from earlier, which, of course, I unfortunately predicted again. There's some drama, more driving, did I tell you about how much driving this movie has? They eventually stop a plane on the runway with their car, genius idea. They lie a little and somehow get the pilot to let them on. Last minute this, last minute that. I swear, everything in this movie is last minute.
They go and stuff and I don't remember anything from this point until the end where they step out of their shelter and the landscape is super messed up but, oh my gosh! There are birds! That means hope for us! Yaaaay! The end.
I would not make my worst enemy watch this movie. There were so many points where I wanted to beg my father to turn it off. In fact, I did beg my father to turn it off multiple times, but he didn't entertain my pleas. This movie, to me, was like scraping nails against a chalkboard. This movie was so bad that I've already forgotten the names of mom, husband, *and* son, despite watching it really recently.
And why does the boy being diabetic only show up like three or four times, usually as a plot point to get another cliché moving along?! I remember them mentioning he can't have pancakes (really?) because of his diabetes, and that's about the only normal time they bring up his diabetes in a way that doesn't involve plot.
Not only that, but if it isn't obvious, they don't even seem like a family in my brain. This is why husband is 'husband' and not 'dad', and why mom is 'mom' and not 'wife'. We barely even get to see them bonding or having genuine quality time because most of the movie is husband and mom trying to find each other!
If you liked this movie? Cool! I have no problem with that. You can find it enjoyable! But for me? For me?
My rating on this movie is: Please. Never make me watch this ever again.